Playing Hookie

So we are only in the last week of September and I am already done doing this whole school-real-schedule-everyday thing.  No really.  My calendar is so full up that when I try to make a play date I have to change the date 3 times before my brain can come up with a two hour window in my overwhelming schedule.

Listen to this:
Monday: Speech, mommy-and-me class, therapy, Swim class
Tuesday: preschool, Sports camp
Wednesday: Speech, mommy-and-me class, kid class, dance class, swim class (i hate wednesdays)
Thursday: Preschool, swim
Friday: Drive mom up the wall because we are all so exhausted from the week.

And forget tying to fit in anything that looks remotely like it might have to do with me for a moment.  Forget that I still have trainings, and events to plan, and emails to send, and maybe a phone call every blue moon.  Or forbid, a mommy night out?!  Thats usually the first thing that gets cut from my schedule.

Me time?  What's that?

How many kids do I have?  And how old are they?  Yeah.  The oldest?  Not even 4!  So how the heck did I manage to get myself into this crazy schedule?  And the thing that really bugs me is the fact that I can't really cut anything out.  Well, I mean I can.  But the things I want to cut out, we really need.  Like Speech... and therapy.

Why is it that the real stuff is the most frustrating?  I don't know about you but I really hate getting up early.  I mean really.  (except, of course, if we are getting up really early so that we can get to Disney World at a decent hour, because everyone knows that the best time to do the kingdom is as early in the morning as possible and if you only have a weekend then you should be getting your drowsy childrens in the car no later then 5am... I wanna go to Disney World.  But I digress. )  And the worse thing about getting up early is that my kids hate it just as much as I do.  Except the boy.  He's up at 6 like clockwork everyday.

I could get up early for that!

But today we are playing hookie and it's a quarter to nine and my youngest is still sleeping.  Not to mention that the other two only got up 20 minutes ago!  Yeah, that never happens on a Saturday.  But I realized something as my alarm was going off at 6 (i.e. my son) and my daughter was still snoring away through the noise,  some times the best thing to do is to do nothing.

Don't do anything!  Just throw caution to the wind and relax!  Forget your schedule, forget the projects.  Just have a day to play hookie.  There is already so many responsibilities on your children these days that if we don't teach them to give themselves a break they won't and then they will turn into these stressed out-overworked-overachievers that have a meltdown every time they see a B on their report card...  I never understood those people.

Two B's?!  Death!

....

Ok! Fine!  In actuality, the reason we are staying home today is because if I had to get up early one more time just so I could spend the first 45 minutes of my day fighting with my kids to do everything from going to the bathroom to brushing their hair I would be very likely to have a nervous break down.

And that, I really don't have time for!

Antenella

Family of Five

I am lucky enough to have three adorable children!  Blessed, really, if we wanted to split hairs about it. One of the unfortunate side effects of having beautiful children is that everyone in a fifty mile radius wants to touch or talk to your child.  I'm sure all of you have this same problem since all your children are just as equally beautiful.

Most of the time the interaction is limited and mostly from a distance.  It usually goes something like this: "Aww, how adorable!" or maybe I'm lucky enough to even get a coy little wave from an elderly women.  For the most part the interactions are pretty tame.

Then you get the crazies that make it their job to touch your finally-well-after-having-three-weeks-of-a-snotty-nose child, on every area that isn't covered by clothes.  They want to touch their feet and their thighs and their hands.  I guess they didn't get the memo that kids put everything in their mouths.  Including their hands!

In reality, I don't mind.  I mean honestly, all I can think of when those little old ladies touch my kids hands in how they are probably going to die from some whooping cough that my precious baby angels are living as hosts for.

How cute!  Now you have dysentery! 

But what has been really interesting is how the interactions have changed since adding a third child.  Forget the fact that she looks nothing like my other children.  I've already talked about the fact that complete strangers say and ask me anything when it comes to adopting.  One of my favorites that I forgot to mention, Is when people tell me about how great it is that I wanted to adopt and that their friends-sisters-cousins-newphew twice removed adopted a baby and when that baby got older... he killed them in their sleep!

...

That's nice.  Some families get to look forward to their kids going to collage or getting married or landing that fulfilling job.  Not me!  The mother of an adopted child.  I get to look forward to waking from a restful sleep with a knife in my chest.  Oh, the rapture!  But I digress.

Getting back to the point at hand (which I'm not really sure I have) in which the comments of strangers have gone from enduring with a tinge of creepy to just down right rude.

It's not too many kids.  See, they all fit!  ok, nobody grow.

I have three kids.  Three kids is not really a lot of kids.  I see tons of families that have at least three kids.  In fact, I know a family that has five kids and they seem pretty normal.  So I don't know why people look at my three kids and say things like, and I quote:

"Wow, that's a lot of babies."
"Are those all yours?"
"Looks like you got stuck babysitting all the kids today."

or my personal favorite, coming from a little blue haired lady who you would just assume had 16 kids herself...

"So, you've closed up shop, right?"

To which I answered, "Oh, sure.  We've decided to outsource."

What?  I'm her mom.  I can say what I want!

She just kind of stood their glassy eyed for a minute.  I kinda hoped she was having a heart attack but alas, she recovered.

What the heck!  Who says that?  The other three I could kind of understand.  I mean, I kinda do look like a babysitter with my eclectic grouping of children.  But to ask me to close up shop?  This means that you know that all the children where mine and that I looked like I might have another at any moment.

One of these things is not like the other.

I'm sorry!  Is my joy for bringing children into the world effecting your ability to buy your preparation H?  I thought not.  You don't see me getting all upset about you still being alive and you saying things like:  "So, You're going to die soon, right?"

No, no of course I would never say that.  But people think it's totally ok to say things like that to me.  Three kids.  It's just three kids!  I'm not a glorified basketball team, I'm a family of five!  Five is very normal.  Average even.  Three is the new two kids with a white picket fence and a dog.

Although, I keep trying to convince my husband that a family of six is just crazy.

Antenella

Baby Mine

Since adopting my youngest child I have been asked every question under the sun.  Anything from is she adopted, (um... hello, she's black as night.  What do you think?) to how much she cost. (I got her for a really great deal at the used baby lot on Military and 10th ave.  A little wear and tear but over all, a great deal!)  Even though a lot of these questions can come across as prying or just down right rude, I love them!

I have absolutely no fear of any question anyone can throw at me.  Mostly because I love to talk and nothing is better then talking about how awesome or frustrating my kids are.  Also, it helps me realize how far we've come.

Being a women I like to think I'm pretty good at multi-tasking but because I spend so much time constantly doing things, I rarely get a chance to look at my progress.  Being asked all these questions over and over again gives me a certain type of benchmark of how far we have progressed.  Plus, I think when I talk.  I'm pretty sure I get more out of conversation with myself then with anyone else.

One of my favorite questions is: how can you love a child that isn't your own.  (Yes, people have asked me this)  This is an easy one for me but the answer makes other people a bit uncomfortable.  They can't tell if I'm joking or not.  I just tell them that it was never a question of if I would love them since I couldn't stand either one of my kids when they were born but I like them now!

I know that sounds really harsh and it's not entirely true but I really want to get across the importance or the unimportance of feeling an instant connection.  Since this question really only comes up if the person asking it is contemplating adoption.  I am a huge believer in adoption and I feel like my story is such a successful one that It would be selfish of me to not be completely open with all the in's and out's of bringing a new person into your home and calling it family.

I have come to realize that people who adopt, especially if it's there first, have a hard time understanding what to expect emotionally from bringing home a baby no matter the age.  Sometimes this isn't a problem at all and all the anticipation has been a better exercise in bonding then any pregnancy could ever do.  But I feel that most of the time parents can feel guilty because they don't have those warm fuzzy's as soon as they hold that baby in their arms.

I can tell you in full confidence that this has nothing to do with the child being adopted.  I have two biological children of my own and as much as I hoped and prayed and anticipated being their mother when they were born I realized, I didn't know anything about them!  In fact, my son was such a difficult baby that I just down right didn't like him sometimes.  But I loved him.

Why did I love him when all he did was scream for 9 months?  Because I chose to.  Because love isn't the warm gushy feeling, the butterflies, the heart-drop.  Love is a Choice.

Just like when you decided to love your spouse in sickness and in health. (What they should have asked is if you will love them if they don't ever do a load of laundry or when they sit in the middle of a destroyed playroom without picking up a thing.  But I digress.)  You make a choice.  Is it easy?  Hell, no!  But it's worth it.

So this in a nutshell has been my answer.  How do you know you will love a child that isn't yours.  Because I choose to.  Do I like her sometimes?  No.  Especially, when she wakes up at 3 in the morning screaming just long enough so she can wake up the other kids then falls out again.  But that doesn't make her any less my child.

So, yeah.  I can love a child that isn't my own.  But what I didn't expect was how much I would love her.  When I was asked recently about our adoption my answer kind of changed.  (This is what I mean about my conversation with complete strangers acting as a mapping of my parenting journey)  This women wanted to adopt since losing her own child and she just wasn't sure how it would be for her and her husband and without thinking this is what I said:

I always knew I could love a child that wasn't my own biologically but I never expected how much I feel she is my own.  I don't know why but I truly believe that she is my child.  For whatever reason God thought it would be best that she was born from another womb but there is no way that she is not my flesh and blood.  She was meant for us as if she was born from my own body.  I will never know or understand God's plan but I know that she is mine and was meant for my family.

Wow...  Did I just say that?  Is that true?

...

Yes.  Yes it is.

But how could it not be.  How do you feed and cloth a child, love on them, hold them when they cry, catch them when they fall, read to them, play dolls with them, wrestle with them, cuddle them when they're tired, teach them words like momma and dada, and then have them use them?  How could you not love a child?



Love is the act of it.  Love is a choice.  Is it easy? Hell, no!  But it's worth it.

Antenella

Toddler Physics

Ah, the joys of parenthood.  There is nothing more rewarding then to grow and nurture a child in this wonderful world that we live it.  The days are just packed with endless opportunity.  It is a beautiful thing to live life through the innocent eyes of your children.  You get to experience all the world has to offer without any of the frustration or bitterness that comes with age.  You get to live life free of fear and worry when you see it from their eyes.  The joy and adventure is palatable!

It is all so magical!  So why am I perpetually in a state of wanting to slit my wrists?!*  Maybe because to be a parent you are constantly surrounded by things that are made to irritate the crap out of you.  Everything from baby products to kids television.  With all of the modern conveniences we have managed to make our lives one big frustration.

So here is a list of things I just don't understand.  Why are these things even a frustration? Why do these things even happen? Why does the natural world of physics no longer apply when you have a toddler? I just don't understand...

Top five things that drive me crazy as a parent:

5.  Why is it that you spend 15 minutes trying to wrestle shoes onto your toddler, just so when you place them back on the floor their shoes just slip off?

4.  Why in the world do they make pacifiers out of the same stuff as bouncy balls?  Have you ever had to chase one down an aisle of target just to watch it lodge itself underneath one of the display cases?  You couldn't get it to do that if you tried.

With the power to disappear in a moments notice!

3.  Why in the world do my kids want to be around me when I'm trying to sleep when they have unless access to every toy under the sun and PBS is on tv... downstairs?  Seriously, how much fun is a sleeping bear anyway?

This is seriously what my playroom looks like.
Only not as neat.

2.  Why is it that at the end of the day your child has slept just as much as you, has eaten just as much as you, has had just as much activity as you, if not more and still seems to have endless energy?  Why does no on in my house need to sleep but me?

1.  Why is it that your house could be at a standstill.  No one needs anything, no one notices you, you are just doing your own thing.  The kids are watching tv or playing with blocks or coloring but as soon as you punch the numbers into your telephone all hell breaks loose? Its like they are dogs and they can hear the numbers being pushed.  Even if it's your cell phone... and it's on silent...

Or maybe it's as soon as the person on the other end picks up on their end.  Don't you love it when they pick up and the first thing out of their mouths isn't hello but "Woah! Is everything ok?"  
"Sure! Why? OhThat?  No, I'm just breeding pterodactyls." As I said before, raising children is a wondrous adventure filled with magic and uncertainty.  All the things in the modern world that used to make sense just doesn't anymore.  Because really, when you are asked a endless stream of questions you start to wonder why it is that we can't have ice cream for breakfast.

Antenella




*Not literally, everyone just calm down.  I am not actually thinking of off-ing myself.  It might be a little raw but I'm really just using it for comedic value.... yes, I understand my humor is a little disturbing.

Letters 2

Dear Crying Child of Mine:

I know we have gone over so many of the common concern of this world in a past letter but it has come to my attention that you might need a refresher.  I feel that by your continued show of anxiety through nothing but tears and volume you have forgotten the assurance you were once given not so long ago.

I understand that life can be very challenging with the basic needs of the body constantly needing attention but when, since you have been placed into my arms, have I ever let you go hungry?  What I mean to say is, have you ever gone more then a couple of hours without my offer of a snack or a sandwich or a cookie or some milk or some fruit or some crackers or crunchies or gummies or etcetera etcetera?

Since you may still be lacking in the concept of time department, let me assure you that it has never been so!  In fact, since you were placed in my arms it has been my ferociously constant driving force to assure you have enough food at all times.  I spend most every moment of the day preparing and assembling nourishment of every kind.

So please, if it would be at all possible, do you think that you could keep the screeching down to a low purr while we are in the grocery store?  Yes, the foods I am taking off of the shelves are for consumption.  No, it is not to be consumed in its entirely at the moment I place it into the cart.  Let me assure you that the motivation of the grocery store is not to tempt you with all the glorious foods that God has provided for us without the joy of tasting any of it.

It's just Captain Crunch.  Contain yourself.

On the contrary.  It is the very place we can accumulate such treasures!  So please, if you could for a moment, stop and give yourself a chance to appreciate the foods we have without needing to shove every piece of it down your throat.  I promise that your body will not only stay well fueled but will in fact thrive at the prospect of eating at the appropriate times.

So again, please stop the crying.  The majority of people get concerned when babies cry.  Especially when they are reaching with desperation for the box of cheerios placed behind them in the cart.  Plus, I'm tired of everyone within a 50 mile radius wondering why I don't just feed you.

On the another hand,  I do want to praise you in your wildly accepted concept of napping.  I am so proud of this daily decision to succumb to the overwhelming exhaustion that you feel at around 12:30 every day.  It takes a brave soul to allow ones self to seep into unconsciousness with nothing but me as your protector.  I have become overjoyed with the trust you have bestowed on me by allowing your tiny little eyelids to flutter shut and drift into the unknown.

So what, if I may ask, is the emotional trauma that you awaken to after every single nap for the past four months?  What, pray tell, is the nightmare that you find yourself being pulled back into when ever your consciousness surfaces?

Is it that for those brief moments you are asleep you are transported back to the mystical place that unicorns come from, where it rains chocolate milk from the sky and the floor is littered with every CARS character imaginable?  Or is it that while you dream you have visions of what your life should look like only to be woken into the disappointment that you were born into? What ever the case my be, I promise you that it is not as terrible as it seems at first glance.

Oh my! Those are all CARS?... Mind=blown

Sure, the shock of being woken in to this desolate place we call home that has nothing but endless  attention and toys for your every whim and amusement can cause a bit of stress but I promise you that if you just give yourself a moment to adjust you will remember all the wonderful things about being here on this planet we call earth.

Lastly, I want to bring you into the circle of trust and give you a tip of survival on this backward household we call home.  This is a piece of advice that could change your life.  It is so simple its almost comical!  In all honestly, if you can grasp this one piece of advice the world as you know it will be a happier, lovelier and safer place to live in!

...When I tell you not to do something, don't do it.

It is so elementary you may think it is a joke.  In fact, I am under the impression that you do think it is a joke since you blatantly ignore my warnings at every opportunity. Alas, I kid you not.  This is a true statement and it will serve you well as you learn, love and grow on this glorious planet.

And it's not just the "don't hit your sister" kind of thing that it applies to.  Oh no.  It is every thing.  Let me give you a few examples so you can get a better understanding of the importance of learning this lesson sooner then later.

"Don't jump on the couch, you'll hurt yourself"  What happened when you didn't do what I asked?  You hurt yourself.

"Don't stand up on the chair, you'll fall off and hurt yourself." What happened when you stood on the chair?  You fell off and hurt yourself.

"Don't jump on the stairs, you'll fall and hurt yourself."  What happened when you jumped on the stairs?  You fell and hurt yourself.

"Don't stick your fingers in your sisters mouth, she'll bite you and it will hurt." What happened?  Are you starting to get the picture here?

Seriously, My son would so do this.
No really, I don't think I should let him see this picture.

I know that this new world that you live in seems to have nothing but an endless list of rules with nothing but an "I told you so" to soften the blow of many a hurt but I assure you that if you can just make a few changes at a time it will get easier by the second.

I'm sure that you have a lot to think about with all the added revelations to ponder during your sleeping strikes at 3 in the morning so I will leave you with this... It gets better.

...unless your waiting for unicorns.
Then it will just be more disappointment.

Not going to lie.  I'm kinda disappointed
after seeing this pic.

With all my love and exhaustion,
Your loving and overwhelmed parent,

Antenella

Making a Dent

I learned something new today.  Well, it wasn't that I exactly learned it per say or that it was even new but I became aware of something already in existence.  As much as the little buggers try to pretend or explain away that I, as their parent is making any sense in their already "I-have-it-all-together-so-leave-it-alone-mom"attitudes, I'm making a dent.

Oh yes!  The repetitive list of the "do's" and "don't's" in my house that makes the never ending song look like a haiku is finally starting to take affect.  How, might you ask have I come to this conclusion?  By what display of affection or even, dare I say it, self-correction has occurred in you peripheral view whilst parenting?

None.  Of course, it wasn't displayed in a form of "I should probably listen to my mother and not teeter on the back of the couch as if I am an olympian on the balance beam about to clench the gold medal for the USA" because I will probably land myself in the ER. (Damn the olympics)  Oh no!  It was not something they did...

kinda like this... but on my furniture.

It was something I did...  typical.

So my hubby comes home from a long day at work and we make small talk while the sirens from the Odyssey let loose in my kitchen.  Needless to say it was futile for any form of communication.  So while my hubby takes the male into the playroom to dampen the sound of screaming I make a move to check Facebook on my computer.  Apparently, this was of distaste to my husband because when I asked him why he doesn't ever wanna hang out with me, in jest might I add, he states and I quote:

Ugh!  More men coming to goggle at us.
Can't a girl sunbath naked in peace?
Make their boat crash.  That'll teach them!

"oh, now you want me to hang out with you?  What happened?  Did you finally look up from your Facebook and notice I was gone?"

Ew.

Well, I decide that this is considered disrespecting mommy and in playful banter I race over to his side and lift his leg to "spank his bum" as we both dissolve into fits of giggles.  I head back to the kitchen to make sure my mac&cheese isn't boiling over and before I know it my 20 month old (the boy) comes running into the kitchen.

"No mommy, no hitting.  Gentle.  Gentle."  as he mimics petting the air softly.

So cute!  But he wasn't done.  Oh no.  What happens when we hit?  We have to go say we're sorry.  So he took me by the hand and leaded me back to the playroom where daddy was and he says again.  "No mommy, no hitting!"

So I had to apologize for my actions and then give daddy a hug to make sure he wasn't hurt.  I don't know about him but my pride was feeling it a little bit there.

Really?  From this kid?  He makes it his job to
discover new ways of making toys into weapons.

Alas, I managed to take away from this whole experience that I am making a dent in their seemingly relentless attempt to send me to the looney bin.  That one day they won't need me there to correct them and that maybe just maybe they understand the importance of sticking together and treating each other with kindness and respect.  To fight hate with love.  And to always be willing to say I'm sorry.


Or they just like to be the dictator once in a while.

Antenella  

Growing up

Today marks a very big day for me.  Today is the first day that my princess is going to camp!  And not just for an hour or even two or three but all day!  9am-3pm!  That is by far the longest she has ever been away from me that didn't involve me leaving her with her nana to escaping with my husband on a date night.

I discovered something today.  As I was packing her little lunch box in her way-too-big-for-her backpack I started to get very sad.  I might have even shed a tear or two.  As much as I complain about how overwhelmed I am or how exhausting it is to have three kids under 4 or how nice it will be when they start school, I discovered that I am full of crap!

Pay no attention to the man
behind the curtain

Sure I get exhausted or overwhelmed, especially on the days where it's been weeks in a row of sleepless nights or the days were everyone is sick at once; but l wouldn't change anything for the world.  I feel so blessed to be given such an amazing task of raising my kids and trying to do right by them by teaching them right from wrong.  (Even if there is no vacation or bathroom breaks and the money sucks.)

I just feel like everything is happening too fast!  When did my baby grow up?  When did I start feeling confident that she would do great without me?  This is what we're trying to accomplish right?  The whole point is to get them to where they can become responsible and independent young adults?  Then why do I feel so sad?  Maybe because she's only 3 1/2? (what am I going to do when she goes to kindergarden or gasp* college? Sob*)

I feel like I've been going through the rest of the day in a blur.  I haven't really done anything different then when she is home but for some reason I feel so out of sorts.  Like something is missing.  Maybe it's because I actually got to eat lunch while sitting down or maybe it was the fact that I could write this post with out having to get up 15 times to get miscellaneous objects that she needed to fulfill her every whim but whatever it is, it's quiet.

One of the twins is napping so it's just me and the boy and I tell you that monster of a demon is a sweet baby angle when he's the only one around.  He is so grown up, he's so helpful, he listens, he doesn't whine or cry...

Hmmm...

Maybe there is something to this kids growing up and getting involved in there own activities.  It helps the next in line grow up.  He gets more attention, he gets to make his own decisions and the expectation of him contributing to the household is more eminent.  It is now time for him to be the big brother!

I just hope that I can manage watching Thomas the train engine for hours on end.

Antenella