Politically Correct

There are some things in parenting that just come as second nature.  Things like clothing, feeding, changing.  Not necessarily at first, but with the day to day being basically the same for months at a time, your brain starts to just go on auto pilot.  As they get older even the questions are basically the same.  "Mommy, I want a cookie", "Mommy I want to watch tv", "Mommy I want to take my clothes off", with the answers being pretty redundant.  "No."  But then, every once in a while your kids will ask you something that throws you for a loop.

They seem so innocent...

Picture this scenario.  My oldest is 4 going on 12 and she tends to have a little bit of sass when she is trying to communicate with me.  She thinks she's funny.  (Which, she is.  But it still doesn't warrant the way she thinks she can talk to me.  We are working on it.)  So today we are in the car on the way to her speech class and she is complaining that she doesn't want to go.  I try to entice her with all the wonderful things she will get to do in school.

"Don't you want to play with your friends at school?  Like Jaci and Bea?"
A simple statement.  Well, she replys with:
"Aha!  You don't know my black friends name!"  As she chuckles to herself.

How do I explain that she can't say that?  So I reply with:
"You can't call her your black friend."
"Why?"
"Because her color shouldn't matter.  She should just be your friend."

Which she replys with:
"But she's black!"  Adding an eye roll to indicate just how ignorant I really am.

It made me start to really question why this wasn't an appropriate way to name somebody.  How do you explain political correctness to a 4 year old?  I mean, when she put it that way, my argument really did seem ridiculous. "Because you just can't" doesn't seem like a realistic reason to a four year old.

Then it got me thinking. This is the only black kid in her class.  Why can't we describe her that way?  It would make the selection a lot quicker.  I mean even "Guess Who" asks if they're black or white!  You're not going to ask if your person has glasses without asking what color they are first.  That's just the first way to lose!

Which lead me to thinking.  Don't black people describe their white friends as so?  Uh, yeah.  They do.  Because I have been introduced as the "White friend" before.  Was I offended?  No.  I mean, I kinda stood out.  More like glowed, I guess.

So why is this even an issue?  What should I really be teaching my kids?  If color really isn't an issue does that mean we ignore it completely or does that mean we just take it for granted?  What's the first word you would use to describe grass?  Green.  Does it make it any less grass?  Does tolerance really mean to be color blind?  I personally think we lose a lot if we just pretend it's not there.

How many black women who love their hair and their color?  Should I ignore the very thing they are most proud of?  I feel like that would be even more offensive.  To pretend it doesn't exist.  And what am I supposed to tell my own daughters?  Not just my white one.  What is the best way to explain the correct way to express differences?  Ignore them?  Or celebrate them?

No matter what we do we are going to look different, and that's what makes us God's gift to each other.    The world would be lifeless if we didn't have so many different colors, faces and bodies.  How boring to look like each other.  That's the very reason we hated uniforms growing up.  We didn't want to look the same!  So why should we now?

You know what?  I'm going to celebrate it!

"You know what love?  You are right!  She is black.  So tell me, what is her name again?"
"I don't know.  She's just my friend."

That's right.

Antenella