Editors note: If you are easily offended by the mention of God feel free to not read this post and please tune in next wednesday where I will undoubtably be talking about how obnoxious my children are. (And I mean that in the most loving sense of the word.)
Sometimes God will ask me to do hard things. Like really hard things. A lot of the time it involved me swallowing my pride and doing something super embarrassing. Fortunately since having kids, very little is embarrassing but I do still have pride issues. (Though I will totally deny it if you ask me in front of my kids)
Recently God asked me to do something hard. It involved contacting someone I didn't really have any plans to talk to ever again. But God didn't just stop there. Oh no, not my God! He believes in going above and beyond. Whore-ray! Not only did I have to get a hold of them, I then had to encourage them. And tell them a whole bunch of nice things about themselves and although all of the statements were completely true, it just hurt a little to have to be the one to say them. Seriously? There wasn't anyone else that could deliver this message? Maybe God asks the most unlikely person to do the encouraging so that the person receiving it will know without a doubt that it was meant to be a message from God. Because, honestly, I was the last person on the planet that ever needed to blow smoke up their ass.
If I can be honest. I fought this for a long time. I'm embarrassed to admit, but like, years long time. But finally the day came where He would be ignored no longer. So I listened and obeyed. And I was skeptical. And I was nervous. And I was ignorant. What if it was the wrong timing? What if they never wanted to hear from me ever again? What if they were still mad or hurt or even worse, indifferent. But I tried not to think too much about it and sent a fairly simple if not awkward note of encouragement. Besides who doesn't like a few words of encouragement every once and a while, right?
And that was it...
I'd love to say that I didn't think about it again after I hit send but I'd be lying. So imagine my shock when I got a pretty speedy reply for my address. Um...ok. I figured if I was doing this God's way I was going to see it to the end. I'd either get a scathing letter or a restraining order. Either way I'd know the end of the story.
So three days later (strange how that works) I receive not only a heart felt letter of thanks but an apology. And I would love to say that those words meant nothing to me. That I could say, "that was so in the past" or even better, "I don't remember what you are talking about but thanks" But I'm not that great of a person and I knew exactly why those words where scribbled on to that piece of paper. As soon as I read those two words, "I'm sorry" I broke. At least, that's what it felt like. I sobbed...for a while.
I was totally taken by surprise by my reaction. And for a split second, even angry. I was so ashamed with myself for hanging on to past hurts for so long. How much was I still seeing myself in the past? I had distorted the truth about it for so long that I couldn't even remember what was true or not. But here it was in black and white. A true acknowledgment. A validation that what I felt so many years ago was real. Sure, it was probably a little blown out of proportion with the surge of teenage hormones but for the most part, it really happened. I didn't just do this to myself or purposely cause drama or any other scenario that I made up to explain it away. This was a sincere and heartfelt apology. So naturally, I balled like a baby.
This whole experience made me realize again how God is great. When he calls us to be part of his will and we obey, there is no other feeling of fulfillment. The unfortunate thing is that I very rarely agree to be part of his work. I'm always too busy, too prideful or too frightened to make a fool of myself. I always forget that when God calls me to do something it's not for Him, (God does whatever He wants with or without me.) it's for me! He wants to bestow His blessings and restoration for my soul! I need only to listen and obey.
How humbling. That the God of the universe wants to not only let me be part of his great world but wants to also be small enough to be part of mine.
Antenella
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