Adoption Story Pt 2

If you feel out of the loop with this whole adoption story you are not alone.  It seriously happened so fast that a lot of people still didn't know that we had started the process before bringing a baby home.  It was a whirlwind of a story and seems like it was the fastest adoption in history, but the timing is all God so who are we to complain.

It started in November.  We had started talking seriously about adoption shortly after Hawkins started sleeping through the night.  (I guess we're just suckers for punishment.)  I had decided to do a 40 day fast which ended up being one of the hardest fasts I have done.  During that time I was trying to hard to focus on my faith and my devotional time but with both kids still being pretty small it wasn't as easy as I had hoped.  Although, through out the fast my thoughts kept coming back to our family and our decision on our adoption.  It wasn't so much should we adopt but when.

We knew that just to start the paperwork we would need about $600.  Which we didn't exactly have lying around.  So we just kept waiting, knowing God would provide when the time came.  Shortly after finishing the fast my grandmother informs me that she was cashing out an investment she had in my name so I received a lump of cash.  You guessed it!  $600!

So by January we knew it was time to start but with who?  He didn't have an agency or anything.  We had finally decided that a domestic adoption was going to be the best for us but there was still so many agencies to choose from.  We thought we had decided on a large agency and even had a phone interview to see how we'd like them.  Then we went to small group.

Our small group had just started that same week and it turns out there was a couple in our group who were going through the adoption process as well.  What are the chances?  They told us about the agency that did their home study and how impressed they were with them.  We took their number not really thinking anything of it.

They were everything we thought we didn't want.  They were small, they were local, they only took so many families.  We really didn't think we would like them.  But we called because if nothing else they were the least expensive agency to do a home study.  So that same night we called and they answered and next thing we knew we had an agency!  Hope for Families was our agency of choice.  Sure it was the complete opposite of what we wanted but just like everything else, God had a different plan.

So early February we were sitting down for our home study then it was a mad dash to get all our paperwork submitted and then we just sat on our hands till our home study was approved by the courts.  We weren't thinking we wouldn't have any real match potential until the new year.  And even at a year that would be a quick adoption process.

In March we were approved and were legally allowed to be matched with perspective birth mothers.  We had a couple of matches that we had to turn down either because we couldn't afford birth mother expenses or because we just didn't feel comfortable with the match.

I was fortunate enough to befriend another couple that had done the adoption process twice already and they gave me some great advice.  They told me that just like falling in love, when you know, you know.  When the child God wants you to have comes up there will be no way to keep you from them.  As crazy as it sounds, they were right!

April 27th, only three months after sitting down for our home study we get a phone call at 9:30 at night from our agency.  They want to know if we would be willing to be matched with a potential birth mother.  Sure, why not!  The baby is 13 months old.  Oh, ok.  No problem.  There's not guarantee that the mother would pick us anyway.

The next morning we are doing a conference call with the birth mother and our agency.  During our conversation the birth mother asks us if we would be willing to adopt her baby.  Um, yes!  Of course!  We are all for that!  Twenty minutes later we are driving out to fort pierce to do a face to face meeting.  Needless to say we liked each other immediately.  We had a lot of the same views for how we wanted to raise Arya and she wanted to have a closed adoption for her daughters sake and she just loved how much the kids really took to the new baby.

So from Saturday afternoon till Monday morning Scarlett did not stop asking about her baby sister.  My biggest concern at that point was that something was going to to go wrong and I'd have to explain to Scarlett why she couldn't take her baby sister home.  Ugh, that would be devastating.

But Monday the 30th comes and we drive out to the agencies office and sure enough Arya is there with her mom, we sign papers and next thing we know we are walking out of the building not even an hour later as a family of five... A family of five with a black baby.  It was the strangest feeling to be buckling in three children into three carseats.

So that is the long and short of it.  I guess it's mostly short.  It's been a month and Arya has adjusted beautifully.  She loves her siblings, she loves kisses, she loves to sing, and she loves sushi.  There is no doubt in my mind that she is the child that God has ordained for us.  I couldn't feel more confident then if I can birthed her myself.  I am so grateful for such a joyous and happy baby.  She has brought so much laughter into our family and our home.

My son on the other hand...

Antenella

A Letter From The Heart

So I was planning on posting this when we got matched with out birth mother but since that kind of happened all at once I figure I'll post it now.  It was written a couple months ago so we now have two prologues.  This one and the one I wrote months ago.  If I'm going to tell the story I thought I should start from the beginning and this is were it started, with a simple letter.

If you know me at all you know that as much as I complain about my kids I love them more then life.  Not only do I love my kids, I want more of them.  But not just my own.  I want to be like "Brad-gelina" and adopt a brood of kids.  Ok, maybe I'm not that obsessive.  But in actuality we (as in my husband and I) really want to add to our family through adoption and have started taking the steps in order to make that a reality.  

Since then we've been getting a lot of nuttier-then-squirrel-poo crazy looks when I tell people I know and don't know.  (I've recently taken up the hobby of screaming at the top of my lungs in a very busy Target:  "We've completed our home study!")  Some people are very tactful and simply say, "God bless you!"  Which He does.  But we all know that's code for "you can barely handle the kids you got!"  Thank you.  I am aware.

Though there are others that simply come out and say in a very indignant voice, "Why?"  Now, our adoption story has already come full circle and has barley started never mind ending but I wanted to share my letter to my birthmother.  Since we are adopting domestically we are required to write a letter to the mother who will be giving birth to our baby.  Since she is going to be releasing her infant into the care of others it's only fair that she chooses who those parents will be.  So our primary chance of being picked is by telling said-mother how awesome we are in a letter.

Of course, I didn't really think it was appropriate to lie so I came up with a compromise.  I wrote what I believe she would need to hear from the people who will be raising her child.  I wrote from the heart and although there isn't much about how wonderful we are as people there is a lot about how wonderful she is.  With that being said, this letter does two things.  1.  I hope it makes her feel comfortable with her delicate decision and 2.  It answers the question of why we want to adopt in the first place.

Enjoy!

Antenella

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord.  

"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you hope and a future." 

-Jeremiah 29:11

I will always remember when I truly understood the calling to adopt.  I never considered it a noble or even lofty calling.  It was always just that,  a calling.  Ever since I could remember I have wanted to adopt.  Before I even knew if I would be able to have my own children or not I just knew that it was something I wanted and was supposed to do.  I toyed with the idea as I got older which grew into wrestled with the desire for more then a couple of years after getting married.  

But I'll never forget when I finally figured out why I wanted to adopt.  One day during service my pastor said something so simple yet so profound when talking about the dilemma of an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy.  He said that this should never even be a question of unwanted. " A child is always wanted by somebody and is never unplanned to God!  It is our responsibility as the body of Christ, to not only give that child a home but to ease the burden for a mother that just can not provide.  There would be a lot less unwanted pregnancies if we, as the hands and feet of Christ; started loving on those that needed it and be willing to do something unconventional to show it."

I knew then and there why I wanted to adopt.  He pulled the feelings out of my heart and made them words, giving what I felt a name.  It was Love.  I want to love!  We as parents, want to lavish it on a child that otherwise might not have the resources to receive it.  Plus, we wanted to show that love to a mother that otherwise may not be getting it.  We want to love you by loving what you created.  We want to show you compassion by being compassionate to the child growing within you.  We want to bring hope into your life by giving you the possibility of receiving it.

Most importantly, I want you to know that there is more to you then what society sees as your mistakes.  You are a blessing from God!  Whether you decide to allow us to raise your child or if you choose another couple, know that you are an answered prayer.  You are providing a fulfillment that would otherwise be lost.  You are a miracle maker, a God send and the reason that a couple will get down on their knees and praises God for you.  This is not a mistake or a failure.  This is God showing his glory through his creation!

It reminds me of the story of when Jesus heals a blind man. (John 9)  The disciples assumed that the man was blind because of a past sin or a sin that followed throughout the generations but Jesus said to them:

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned 

but this happened so that the works of God 

might be displayed in him…"  

-John 9:3

God will always take what society has deemed shameful and use it for His glorious story.  Remember that you are part of that Glory.  You are a prized possession that is loved by those that don't even know you.  Do you realize what you will be gifting someone with?  You will literally birth a life that will touch so many people who will be forever grateful for your very existence!  

Our church is doing a campaign for love this month and during the service this past weekend I was struck with the idea that you will be doing every single one of these acts of love.  

1.  Love goes where no else want to go:  You are doing something hard.  You are ultimately making a sacrifice.  You are willing to put someone else's needs in front of your own.  That takes major strength, maturity and faith.  Very few people have the fortitude to do what you are willing to do.

2.  Love does what no else is willing to do:  You are willing to give up your own needs to give your unborn child a better life and a future.

3.  Love gives what no one else is able to give.  

Whether you realize it or not you will be doing more for the kingdom of God then most people could even dream of.  You, right now, are fulfilling a longing hope and desire.  You are giving life!  

I pray that you will choose us since I know that this letter was written for you.  I know that you will find us.  That you will have absolute peace that this is the family you want.  I pray we are that family and I pray you find us soon.  I could tell you about all the things we want to do with your baby.  I want to tell you that this baby will be loved in our house by not only devoted parents but a sister and a brother who will undoubtable sneak extra cookies to him/her.  We will be able to take a family vacation to Disney world as a party of five and have breakfast with Mickey Mouse!  That the baby will be given extra helpings of pasta on Sundays at Nana's house.  That the baby will be able to see the tigers at the zoo and even take pictures riding the turtles with her siblings.  That we will teach the baby to swim and dance and know a good story when he hears one.  That she will have a wonderful support group of friends and mommy-group playmates.  That the baby will have an extended family that reaches across the country and beyond.

But most importantly we will teach the baby to love Jesus, to love others and to love themselves.  They will know that they were never a mistake but more like a miracle.  A living example of how a mighty and gracious God moves.  This baby will have two devoted parents that wanted nothing more then to raise children with love and determination.  Sometimes it will seem like more then we can chew but we will rejoice in knowing that this was God's will for us and for you.  All we want is to be obedient.  

Thank you for all that you do.  

You are selfless.  

You are a child of God.  

A blessing.  

And don't let anyone tell you differently!

Your adopted parents

I've Been Busy

Within the past two weeks with the newest addition to our family I have been in the doctors office four times, been sent to the ER, been up every four hours, have been puked on, slobbered on, cried on by all three of my kids, I haven't had the time to shower or eat or sit down for more then 3 minutes and if one child isn't crying the other two are.  Needless to say, it's been busy.

So no, I don't really have  a lot of time to talk or check Facebook or email or any other real form of communication.  If you want to have a full on conversation with me be ready to do it by text over the course of 7 hours because it seems to be the only way I can keep my brain on any form of communication and that's only because I can scroll through the texts and find out where we are in the conversation when ever I get distracted by some small child asking me for the moon... right... now!

It feels a lot like this... Only louder.

This seems to be a hard concept to get for a lot of people.  I blame myself.  When I only had one child it was hard to get a moment to myself to talk on the phone but I did it.  Then I had two and it was even harder but I managed.  Now I have three and it's just a near impossibility.*  But everyone on the outsides just figures I just don't want to talk.  She could manage it with two, why not three?  What exactly does she mean she's been busy?  

When ever a mom tells anyone she's busy everyone around her immediately thinks "excuse".  Because, lets be honest; before we were mom's when ever we didn't really have the energy or just didn't want to do something or go somewhere or talk to someone we just said, "I've been busy".  It was a total excuse!  It's vague, non-discriptive and universally accepted as valid by virtually everyone.  Aren't we all busy?

Unless you have children

But now I realize what busy actually is.  Busy is when you get up at 6:30-7:00am, do the basics to just survive and then at 10:30-11:00pm you look back and have absolutely nothing to show for it.  No phone calls where made, no appointments booked, no emails sent, no conversations had, no workout, no shower, no food, no laundry, the bathrooms are still a mess and your bed isn't even made but at the end of it you feel as if you've been running a marathon for 14 hours.

So no, at the end of the day the last thing I want to do is get on the phone, or respond to passive aggressive emails about how I must really have my hands full to not be able to write back when I have a smart phone and all.  

Some times it just feels like your sinking.  Your trying to be so many things to so many people and unfortunately just like everyone else in my family, people are going to have to wait in line for my attention.  It might not be today, probably not tomorrow but I promise if you are willing to hang out for just a couple of months I'll be right back to my only semi busy lifestyle.  Which involves just the basic walking around my backyard with my phone to my ear while the kids follow behind me as a screaming mess of attention starved animals.

Hopefully my youngest will be walking by then or she's going to get pretty dirty.

Antenella

*it doesn't really matter how many kids you have.  If it's only one or twelve it's still ridiculously loud and hard to focus.

Guess what? We have another baby!!

I am insane.  In a good way.  My hubby and I have always planned on growing our family through adoption.  So this past friday we got a call for a potential match and lo' and behold our family of four is now a party of five! (get it?)  So this post is going to be pretty short since I have a bit on my plate this week.

one of these things is not like the other. lol
Is it ok that I say that?

Welcome Arya Symphony!  Is is a 13 month old baby girl.  The great news is that we skipped newborn issues all together.  No night feedings, no getting her to sleep through the night, no nursing.  Bad news is she's only 3 months younger then my son.  Twinsies!

what a cutie patootie!

The kids love her!  My princess has been talking non-stop about not thing but her baby sister and the boy is...well... he's not freaking out every time she enters the room and for him that's practically giddy with love and affection.  So needless to say.  I'm crazy.  I mean really, really crazy.  But people do this all the time right?  Twins are pretty common now a days.  So I can do this right?

...

Right?

But since having a new baby in the family we have all gotten sick so there has been a lot of this.

yay for nebulizers!

But after everyone gets better it will be easier, right?...right?

We are so excited about the whole adoption thing and it has really been great to talk to everyone about doing it.  It really has opened up a whole new world of conversation with people.  We are totally open about it and there is nothing sacred when it comes to Q & A's about it.  So we welcome the question.  There is nothing you can ask that will offend so ask away!

Some one get me a martini quick.



Antenella

I Win!

I don't know about you but I have a "strong willed child" in my son.  And when I say "strong willed child" I realize that it is a nice term for complete pain in the ass.  Seriously, my nick name for my son is Drama Queen.  It's really a good thing he's not a girl or he would be completely unbearable.  As it is, he is manageable... sometimes.

Today was not one of those times.  

It's a lot more like this, but with more
sobbing from me.

Before I even begin my story of remorse and struggle, let me give you an example about what I mean by "strong willed".  When he was three months old we decided it was time for him to sleep through the night.  So we tried the cry-it-out method.  This worked great for my daughter.  In three days time she was sleeping through the night like she owned it.  So we figure he'd do great.  Well, 3 and a half hours later he is still losing his mind.  (Yes, I'm a bad mom.  I just kept telling myself, he can't possibly cry much longer.  He's going to pass out any minute.  Not so much.)  Needless to say, after a week of him crying me into hysteria, we changed tactics that ended up with him waking up every three hours till he was nine months old.  

Or the fact that he didn't walk before he was 15 months old.  Oh, he could!  He just refused to since it wasn't his idea.  It was so bad that my parents where telling me that it was because I wasn't working with him enough.  But no amount of coaxing was going to get him to do it before he was ready.

But really, these are all just elementary examples.  These are nothing in comparison to the daily struggles that come with a "strong willed child". (or whatever you wanna call them)  Today seriously took the cake.  I honestly couldn't even believe what was happening.  You can't write this schmit!

I'm trying to get out of the house, not because I want to but because I should probably have food in my refrigerator and maybe get some diapers so I don't have to start reusing them.  So off to Target we go!  The princess wants to bring her baby doll stroller but I told her she couldn't bring it.  So after a fairly sulky moment or two she walks out the door stroller less.  Well, seeing the stroller without person, my son takes it upon himself to take the stroller with us.  No, I say again.  You can not bring the stroller...

Why didn't I just say he could bring the stroller?  Why oh why oh why?

He starts into one of his fits where he is screaming bloody murder.  The sounds that this boy can produce is an art form.  He could make money by doing scream-overs for horror films.  Something about his scream just makes your skin crawl.  Talent.

Whatever, I can deal with this.  This ain't my first rodeo.  So I pick him up, get him and the princess out the door and into the car.  The fit doesn't end there.  Oh no, not for a long shot.  I spend the next 5 to 10 minutes physically wrestling my son into his car seat.  He does this thing where he arches his back like one of those little Olympic chinese gymnasts.  So by the time I get him buckled in, I'm sweating, I'm swearing and I'm pretty sure one of my neighbors has called child services.  I have roughly 15 minutes to get out of my driveway before the cops pull up.  Now this is where it gets interesting.

I finally get him in and I say to him.  "Ha!  There! I won!" Well, he takes one look at me and and starts shoving his fingers into his mouth.  He is screaming and crying and now he's choking.  

"Don't give me that!  Just let it go.  I won, we're moving on." As I'm buckling in my daughter.

"You'll survive.  It's just target.  You like target."  as I get into the front seat.

"If you throw up, I will be so mad!" As I'm turing the key in the ignition.

I turn around to pull my van out of my driveway just in time to watch my belligerent child vomit all over himself...

Can I cry now?

I now have to pull everyone back out of the car, get everyone back inside, undress then redress the boy and start the exiting of the house all over again.  The best part is, as I am losing my schmit getting the kids out of the car and into the house again, I notice my neighbor staring at me one swear word to late and now on top of being furious I also want to sink into the floor out of embarrassment. 

God, I am a bad mom.  Sob*

One thing I do notice between my sobs of frustration, my son is happier then a pig in poop!  There is just something a little off about how happy and content he is as I change him out of his throw up clothes.  As I pull off his shirt he looks right up at me and gives me a winning smile as if to say,

I win.

Antenella