Warning: This is a rant: I apologize for the foul language and I am sorry if I offend anyone. But this is a rant so suck it!! Sorry, I'm still mad :)
Were do I even start. I have two kids that are in state run programs. My oldest, for speech and my youngest for everything else. For the most part, the experience has been without flaw and very few problems. Of course, this is mostly due to the fact that I had no idea what to expect or what I needed or what to ask. But since I've been working with these systems for over a year now, I like to think I know a little bit more and I am taking a much more proactive role in the schooling of my children, even if it is free. Here are a few things that I would like to tell my coordinators but probably shouldn't if I still want them to like me.
This is not my first rodeo! Don't try to throw me just because you don't think I know how to hang on. Don't come at me with terms and phrases and all your jargon nonsense just to confuse me into agree with whatever you think I should do. Because guess what, your best interest is not the well being of my child. It's making sure that your bottom line is in the black so you have a job next year. I get that. But that is not my child's problem so don't treat it as such.
Do Not Bully Me! Into taking whatever appointment time you are offering me. I am sick and tired of jumping through hoops in order to work around your busy schedule. I understand this is a job and you are trying to get as many clients as possible but don't call me to find out if I can drop everything and have you come for therapy with 20 minutes notice! My schedule is just as crazy as yours. I have three kids who all have lives and school and activities and maybe, just maybe, get tired enough that they deserve a nap. So no, I will not do the backwards crawl just so you can come and spend 45 minutes with my kid today and then pull this same shit on me next week. And don't think you are fooling anyone, that if I don't take this appointment I won't hear from you again in the next 6 months. You work for me! If my kid needs your assistance you will make changes to your schedule to be there for her. Not the other way around.
Do not reprimand me like a child when I don't return your phone calls within the first 15 minutes! Your voicemail (which I alway get when ever I call and need something) reminds me to be patient because it could take up to 48 hours for you to return my phone calls. My husband can't get a hold of me most days! Why? Because I am to busy screening my phone calls and watching my stories. NO! It's because I am busy! And not single-collage-kid busy. I mean, I-don't-poop-or-eat-until-the-kids-go-to-bed busy. I have things to do! If I'm not running around like a taxi service, I'm kneed deep in human feces. Most of the time the only way I get a breather is if I am running and guess what, it's really hard to return phone calls when your running. (Oh, and breath)
Why are you so concerned about my insurance information? This is supposed to be free. I know that you have to bill my insurance just because of red tape and blah, blah, blah, but don't think I am going to pay out of pocket for these services. Just because I am a white women who adopted a baby does not mean, "Well, she can afford it. So, lets just charge her insurance." First of all, no. I can not afford it. Secondly, No. I deserve the same rights and privileges as everyone else that comes into this system. My child qualified by your standards so she should be able to get what ever services that she is eligible for, despite the fact that her mother is white and her father has good insurance. Thirdly, It's just wrong. It is without morality that you just assume that you know anything about me and my family and what we can afford and what we deserve. Oh, and I'm pretty sure that if you double bill my insurance, it's illegal. So don't.
Ps: I will call you on your lunch break. I will leave messages. I will educate myself. I will talk to other mom's in the same system. I will take time away from my schedule to work with yours. I will drive around like a mad women so my children can have their therapy. I will be pleasant when I really want to punch you in the face. I will be compassionate and try to see all angles. I will learn, I will grow, and above all else I will fight viciously for what my kids need and deserve. I understand that there is no such thing as a free lunch and even thought this program is "free" and payed for by our tax dollars I will not take it for granted and I will use it to my advantage so don't F*ck with me!
I AM A MOM
Antenella
Pps: I really do love my kids therapist:)
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
TMI
Int: Public bathroom
Bathroom stall
My oldest and I are sharing a bathroom and after she gets off I decide this is probably the best option for emptying my bladder for the rest of the day, so I pop a squat. I am vaguely aware that someone else has entered the bathroom and is occupying the stall next to us.
Oldest Child: mommy why is your vagina full of hair.
Me: um... Because of a little thing called puberty.
OC: What's that?
Me: (sigh) It's when you get older and your body goes through a lot of changes and you start to grow hair on your vagina.
OC: like when I'm 5?
Me: Dear God, no! Not when your 5. More like 12 or 13 or if your father had his way 52.
OC: Then I get married?
Me: Yes, when your 50.
OC: Noooo! (she rolls her eyes) When I'm 12.
Me: No, that is highly illegal in most, if not all states. You have to be at least 18. Or 30. Or if your father had his way 52.
OC: Oh... is that when you have a baby?
Me: No, you're supposed to get married first. (muttering to myself) Though, I'm starting to see that tradition die out faster and faster every year.
OC: I'm gonna marry Justin Beiber.
Me: Um. He may be a little old for you and too sheltered. I don't know if he could handle you, baby.
OC: And then we have a baby.
Me: Okay creeper, jumping the gun a bit? You have to have sex first. (oh crap!)
OC: What's sex?
This is when I become fully aware that there is a little old lady in the stall next to me who is definitely listening to every word. At this point, I realize there is no sense in sugar coating it. I got myself into this mess, I've gotta dig my way out. There's nothing better then the truth to get people judging you. So I tell it like it is... fast.
Me: Sex-is-when-a-daddy-and-a-mommy-love-each-other-very-much-and-the-daddy-puts-his-penis-in --the-mommy's-vagina. No big deal.
I scrabble through the sentence more for the benefit of the lady next to me then for my own daughter who already has a basic idea of how that works. Lord knows, she's walked into my bedroom enough times. OC's face starts to contract into a grimace then explodes into a laugh.
OC: Noooo! You don't touch someone else's privates.
Me: That's correct.
OC: Only mommy, daddy and a doctor.
ME: that's right.
Hoping the conversation is over I stand up to flush. As I do so, my daughter reaches up and fondles my breasts. With? Didn't we just have this conversation? Apparently mommies don't count.
OC: Will I have boobies too?
Me: ugh! yes, when you get older.
OC: Like 5?
Me: You might as well just kill your father now. No, not 5. Like 12.
OC: When I have hair on my vagina like you?
Aaaaand... we have come full circle. The only two thing I have learned from this conversation is that 1. my kids will only have these kind of conversations with me in public places and 2. That I am getting a full brazilian next time make it to the waxers.
Antenella
Bathroom stall
My oldest and I are sharing a bathroom and after she gets off I decide this is probably the best option for emptying my bladder for the rest of the day, so I pop a squat. I am vaguely aware that someone else has entered the bathroom and is occupying the stall next to us.
Oldest Child: mommy why is your vagina full of hair.
Me: um... Because of a little thing called puberty.
OC: What's that?
Me: (sigh) It's when you get older and your body goes through a lot of changes and you start to grow hair on your vagina.
OC: like when I'm 5?
Me: Dear God, no! Not when your 5. More like 12 or 13 or if your father had his way 52.
OC: Then I get married?
Me: Yes, when your 50.
OC: Noooo! (she rolls her eyes) When I'm 12.
Me: No, that is highly illegal in most, if not all states. You have to be at least 18. Or 30. Or if your father had his way 52.
OC: Oh... is that when you have a baby?
Me: No, you're supposed to get married first. (muttering to myself) Though, I'm starting to see that tradition die out faster and faster every year.
OC: I'm gonna marry Justin Beiber.
Me: Um. He may be a little old for you and too sheltered. I don't know if he could handle you, baby.
OC: And then we have a baby.
Me: Okay creeper, jumping the gun a bit? You have to have sex first. (oh crap!)
OC: What's sex?
This is when I become fully aware that there is a little old lady in the stall next to me who is definitely listening to every word. At this point, I realize there is no sense in sugar coating it. I got myself into this mess, I've gotta dig my way out. There's nothing better then the truth to get people judging you. So I tell it like it is... fast.
 |
| mommy, please scar me for life. |
I scrabble through the sentence more for the benefit of the lady next to me then for my own daughter who already has a basic idea of how that works. Lord knows, she's walked into my bedroom enough times. OC's face starts to contract into a grimace then explodes into a laugh.
OC: Noooo! You don't touch someone else's privates.
Me: That's correct.
OC: Only mommy, daddy and a doctor.
ME: that's right.
Hoping the conversation is over I stand up to flush. As I do so, my daughter reaches up and fondles my breasts. With? Didn't we just have this conversation? Apparently mommies don't count.
OC: Will I have boobies too?
Me: ugh! yes, when you get older.
OC: Like 5?
Me: You might as well just kill your father now. No, not 5. Like 12.
OC: When I have hair on my vagina like you?
Aaaaand... we have come full circle. The only two thing I have learned from this conversation is that 1. my kids will only have these kind of conversations with me in public places and 2. That I am getting a full brazilian next time make it to the waxers.
Antenella
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Love and Understanding
I know I promised the wonderful man of mine that I wouldn't use him as material to write about but I just can't help myself! I just have to brag about what an amazing person he is!
... No, I'm serious.
I know, I can't believe it either! I'm going to actually write about the beautiful father of my children and there won't be even a single tongue in cheek jab. Can I do it?
Of course.
This is a story about change, about how people can change. That ideas can be morphed and that even the deepest of prejudice can die and make way for understanding and acceptance. Okay, maybe it's not that deep but it's a big deal to me.
Let me start at the beginning. When my son was barely a year old I took both he and my oldest to Disney world with my folks. I didn't take my youngest because she wouldn't have come around for another 6 months. Crazy right? It's like she's been here always.
Anyway, while we were there we went into one of the shops in Downtown Disney. The one that happens to have the "bippity boppity boutique". One of the most magical things about this shop is that the walls are lined from floor to ceiling with princess dresses with all the trimmings. It's sufficient to say that my oldest was in heaven. Naturally, we dressed her in every dress imaginable, taking pictures and making a fuss. Quietly, my son picks out his own dress and in that one year old baby language makes it clear as day that he would like to join in the festivities.
Without much persuasion I quickly pull the "Belle" dress over his head and place a crown on his head. My parents and I take pictures and carry on about how handsome he looks just as we did for my daughter. He is happier then a pig in poop! We all thought it was adorable and didn't think much of it until I got back from my trip and my husband (the wonderful, amazing and loving man that he is) has a shit-fit.
He goes on and on about I'm trying to turn our son gay and that we shouldn't be pressuring him to feel like he has to be feminine and a whole bunch more that sounds typically homophobic and ignorant. I try to laugh the whole thing off by reminding my husband of our sons age (11 months) and reassure him that he was just trying to emulate his big sister who he wants to be just like.
Flash forward almost 2 years later.
We are back in Disney World at the exact same shop only this time the whole family is there including my hubby and my youngest. Now, instead of just floor to ceiling princessory it has been complete with a magic mirror that will superimpose a princess dress on any little girl that stands in front of it. So of course, there's a line.
I pull all my kids into line and as we are watching the little girls ahead of us wave there magic wands my son says really loudly, "I wanna try!! I wanna try!!" Interestingly enough, the first comment made was by a boy maybe 5 years of age behind us. He said really loudly, (because kids say the darnedest things) "Why does he want to wear a dress? He's a boy and boys don't wear dresses!"
I whip around and state loudly that "It is the 21st century and that my little boy is fabulous enough to wear whatever he wants!" Thank the Lord the boys mother was super cool and laughed instead of the whole thing turning into a debate on social appropriateness for the sexes.
I do want to mention that I had seen other fathers take their sons hand and determinately pull them into different parts of the store. Just in case the lure of the sparingly necklaces would be to much for them to bare. The other mothers and I all laughed at how ridiculous the whole situation was but then I thought of my husband. How is he going to react when he sees his little boy get up in front of that mirror? Is he going to be mad? Is he going to tell him he can't do it? Is he going to pull him out of the store? More importantly, is he going to embarrass him?
I was in shock when my oldest had gone through all the princess dresses in front of the mirror and I heard my husband say, "Ok hunny, get out of the way so your brother can have a turn."
And I watched as my husband took pictures of my son waving his hand in front of the mirror so that he too could have disney princess dresses superimposed on his tiny boy body.
I know it seems so silly and insignificant but this was such a huge change in attitude from my husband. I don't know if it was because he was wrapped up in the "Disney magic", or maybe it's because he knows his son a little better or maybe he finally realized you can't catch it. But to see my husband supporting and encouraging his kids no matter what their interests might be meant the world to me.
Because, what if? And not just for my son, but what about for my daughters? And what if it's not homosexuality, what if its anything that is differs from what we think it should be? How will we respond? Will it be with love and understanding or will it be with fear and anger? I only know of one way were I would be allowed to see my grandchildren.
Although I know that my son wanting to dress up at 2 and a half really isn't going to mean anything in the whole grand scheme of things, I do know that whatever change happened to my husband in that moment made me so proud of him.
Antenella
 |
I know, I can't believe it either! I'm going to actually write about the beautiful father of my children and there won't be even a single tongue in cheek jab. Can I do it?
Of course.
This is a story about change, about how people can change. That ideas can be morphed and that even the deepest of prejudice can die and make way for understanding and acceptance. Okay, maybe it's not that deep but it's a big deal to me.
Let me start at the beginning. When my son was barely a year old I took both he and my oldest to Disney world with my folks. I didn't take my youngest because she wouldn't have come around for another 6 months. Crazy right? It's like she's been here always.
Anyway, while we were there we went into one of the shops in Downtown Disney. The one that happens to have the "bippity boppity boutique". One of the most magical things about this shop is that the walls are lined from floor to ceiling with princess dresses with all the trimmings. It's sufficient to say that my oldest was in heaven. Naturally, we dressed her in every dress imaginable, taking pictures and making a fuss. Quietly, my son picks out his own dress and in that one year old baby language makes it clear as day that he would like to join in the festivities.
Without much persuasion I quickly pull the "Belle" dress over his head and place a crown on his head. My parents and I take pictures and carry on about how handsome he looks just as we did for my daughter. He is happier then a pig in poop! We all thought it was adorable and didn't think much of it until I got back from my trip and my husband (the wonderful, amazing and loving man that he is) has a shit-fit.
He goes on and on about I'm trying to turn our son gay and that we shouldn't be pressuring him to feel like he has to be feminine and a whole bunch more that sounds typically homophobic and ignorant. I try to laugh the whole thing off by reminding my husband of our sons age (11 months) and reassure him that he was just trying to emulate his big sister who he wants to be just like.
Flash forward almost 2 years later.
We are back in Disney World at the exact same shop only this time the whole family is there including my hubby and my youngest. Now, instead of just floor to ceiling princessory it has been complete with a magic mirror that will superimpose a princess dress on any little girl that stands in front of it. So of course, there's a line.
I pull all my kids into line and as we are watching the little girls ahead of us wave there magic wands my son says really loudly, "I wanna try!! I wanna try!!" Interestingly enough, the first comment made was by a boy maybe 5 years of age behind us. He said really loudly, (because kids say the darnedest things) "Why does he want to wear a dress? He's a boy and boys don't wear dresses!"
I whip around and state loudly that "It is the 21st century and that my little boy is fabulous enough to wear whatever he wants!" Thank the Lord the boys mother was super cool and laughed instead of the whole thing turning into a debate on social appropriateness for the sexes.
I do want to mention that I had seen other fathers take their sons hand and determinately pull them into different parts of the store. Just in case the lure of the sparingly necklaces would be to much for them to bare. The other mothers and I all laughed at how ridiculous the whole situation was but then I thought of my husband. How is he going to react when he sees his little boy get up in front of that mirror? Is he going to be mad? Is he going to tell him he can't do it? Is he going to pull him out of the store? More importantly, is he going to embarrass him?
I was in shock when my oldest had gone through all the princess dresses in front of the mirror and I heard my husband say, "Ok hunny, get out of the way so your brother can have a turn."
And I watched as my husband took pictures of my son waving his hand in front of the mirror so that he too could have disney princess dresses superimposed on his tiny boy body.
 |
| Yes, that is my son in a dress. But the best part is, thats my husband taking the picture. |
Because, what if? And not just for my son, but what about for my daughters? And what if it's not homosexuality, what if its anything that is differs from what we think it should be? How will we respond? Will it be with love and understanding or will it be with fear and anger? I only know of one way were I would be allowed to see my grandchildren.
Although I know that my son wanting to dress up at 2 and a half really isn't going to mean anything in the whole grand scheme of things, I do know that whatever change happened to my husband in that moment made me so proud of him.
Antenella
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