I think there is a place for "Public Shaming".
Before you start dragging me to stockyard for my obvious lack of concern for children everywhere, hear me out.
Public shaming is not a new concept. In fact it used to be a very important part of a vibrant community. Think back to not our grandparents but to their parents and their way of grow up. They were presumably part of a small village growing up in some other part of the world that we no doubt descended from and guess what? They had public shaming.
If a child stole from a place of business that person would caught and dragged to the town square so that the whole community would know not to trust this "evil doer" in there stores. The parents would be notified and punishment would be inflicted... Usually, in public. So the village knew that this behavior was not tolerated and it would usually end there. There is a reason for the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child."
Now say the crime was worse. Lets say a pair was caught in adultery. What would their punishment be? Most of us don't have to have read the Scarlett Letter to understand that the people in question would either be killed or ostracized from their community and would be left to live a very difficult life indeed.
Was it cruel? Yes. Was it fair? Who am I to say. Did it keep crime and moral disintegration down to a low? You bet your ass it did. Who would be so brazen or petty to commit such crimes when they knew the ramifications of there actions could hardly be kept a secret?
Fast forward a century or so. We now have things like the internet and social media and twitter where things are even harder to keep under wraps. We are constantly complaining about the lack of human interaction and the fact that our beloved children are losing the concept of empathy with every new gadget that is added to the market. Not only are our children being unnaturally bold on their social platforms but they are completely unaware of the implications of the deeds and actions that they post.
The number of teen suicides have sky-rocketed and that the largest demographic being added to the sex offender list is teenage girls. Because our children are not realizing that their actions have consequences. We live in a world where our children can get away with murder, literally. When I was bullied as a youth, I could at least go home and be safe there. In this day and age our children have no place to hid from there enemies. There is no safe haven. There are no boundaries. There is no responsibility.
When are we going to start realizing that our kids are not growing up in a world that we had? They are dealing with much higher forms of communication, clever and new ways to destroy one another consistently and all in the name of adolescence. When are we as parents going to admit that the stakes are higher and things have to change?
With that being said, I will reiterate that I feel that "Public Shaming" has a place in our parenting arsenal.
Don't get me wrong, if Lucy goes over her texting minutes I don't think that her parent should drag her to the nearest intersection with a cardboard sign slung around her neck reading: 'lost track of time so I'm the idiot!' This could be handled in many different ways that doesn't involve "shaming". Since the crime doesn't involve society.
But a lot of these "Shaming" stints shown on Facebook are having to do with the internet. Namely, faceless bullying online. What happened to the punishment fitting the crime? The reason that bullying has gotten so terrible is because no one has to be held responsible. With the introduction of Facebook, twitter, snapchat and everything else geared towards our teens they have less and less of a chance to actually take anyones feelings into consideration.
So maybe instead of complaining about the fact that our kids don't show empathy, we instead give them a reason to be empathetic. Just like any other form of punishment, there must be rules to follow, showing that the discipline is in love and that there is a lesson to be learned. I love what one mother did:
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| my name is Hailey. I am a kind, caring, smart girl, but I make poor choices with social media. As Punishment I will be selling my iPod and donating the money to the charity "Beat Bullying" in hopes of changing my behavior as well as bringing awareness to bullying. Because bullying is wrong. |
She starts off by telling the world that her daughter is smart, kind and caring but she makes poor choices. She is building up her child and reminding her who she really is and then swiftly condemns the action and not the child. Further more she give the child a tangible punishment which is the selling of her iPhone and then teaches her to pay it forward by donating the money to a charitably organization that stops the crime which she has committed.
There is nothing disrespectful about this. Again, there should be rules. "Shaming" should not be used as the sole purpose of embarrassing your child but there is a place for it. Because in a world where we are all hiding behind the screens of our computers our children need to learn responsibility first.
Speaking of "Public Shaming", what boils my blood is the fact that the people who are condemning this type of punishment are the very ones who are implementing it. I am a Mom. I am a constantly source for public shaming.
Now a days, any idiot with a blog (I include my own moronic thoughts as well) can blast who ever or whatever they want all over the internet. All in the name of writing and personal option. But as a mom I am the very person that is constantly on the receiving end of publicly shamed. If I spank my kids in public, if I yell at them at the park, if I use a curse word in my child's presence. Hell! I can't even play candy crush without some moron blogging about what a pathetic excuse of a parent I am because I'm not looking at the majesty of my child begging for my attention. Never mind the fact that I've been watching her twirl for the past four hours! (Don't even get me started on that load of crap floating around Facebook.)
But in all seriousness, the whole reason I even wrote this blog was because I read an article about how "Public Shaming" is destroying our children. I think we are doing our children a disservice! The most obvious reasoning being that we as parents can't do anything without "destroying" our child's fragile feelings.
Since when did our children become so helpless? They are considered resilient when they are expected to endure years of teasing and bullying at the hands of their classmates, but then they are considered fragile when we are trying to discipline them for such cruel behavior. So what is it? Can they take it or not? Because if we as parents, do anything outside the norm of parenting (which, by the way, is anything outside of getting down on their level and asking them in a calm voice to sit in "time out") we are crucified for it. Don't even think about Taking their privileges away permanently or "forced community service" and omg! Just drop dead if you make your child apologize for their actions on a public form! Unacceptable.
But guess what, some times what your kid really needs is a swift kick in the rear and a heavy dose of reality. Our society is the first to complain about how lazy and entitled the younger generation is but as parents we have been stripped of any form of punishment to teach our kids right from wrong or just plain old fashioned manners.
My kids are still young so this is beyond my realm of parenting... yet. But there will be a day where I just might have to get creative. Where I have tried everything else and the lesson is just not being learned. There might be a day when I am desperate and I am trying to do right by my child. So yeah, this might be me. I might have to teach my kids a little about life with an actual life lesson. (God forbid!) And if they don't like it and are scarred for life then they can pay for therapy with the money that they made from the secure job that they got for being a decent human being and a responsible respectful member of society.
Antenella
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