What I learned by being "Less Then"

I have recently started doing some volunteer work at my church and a few things have come to my attention through this whole experience.  1) I'm shocked that anyone in this entire facility thought I would be something other then a liability to the good name of my church, 2) I forgot what it felt like to be a real person and 3)  I have actually learned a lot by being a stay-at-home mom.

Although I could do a whole blog entry on just observation number 1, I would like to focus more on the revelations of 2 and 3.  I forgot what it feels like to be a real person and even thought this statement sounds negative in its own right.  It makes me realize that without it, I could never truly understand what it means to be a "real person" in the first place.

My life consists of two things: Crying and not being good enough... for anyone.  I don't say this in the deprecating way that it might sound.  I say it more as a matter-of-fact.  It's not a good thing or a bad thing it, just is.  Most of the time I am not good enough.  Not that I am useless but that I just can't live up to the unrealistic expectations of the three people I associate myself with the most.  In order to make these people happy I would in fact, have to be God Himself.

Because....

It is impossible to fill a water bottle at the refrigerator and help someone wipe their butt in the bathroom.  It is also an impossibility to "magic" special toys out of thin air along with changing the music on pandora while simultaneously handing goldfish to the child in the very back seat of your mini van without involving a head on collision.  Some things are just not humanly possible no matter how much you want them to be.

So it's not that I feel less then adequate its more that I feel unreal all together.  I am more of a half person, half inanimate object that gets yelled at for just being.  I am less then a servant and more like a slave and I can't quit, I can't write to my union, I get even get compensated by a pay raise.  I just have to live day in and day out with being a "less then" person.

It's not bad, in fact, its pretty great most of the time.  No one actually expects quality work from you and you can totally be late and no body cares because they are just impressed you arrived at all!  This leads me to the 3rd revelation, that I have actually learned a lot by being a "less then" person otherwise known as a stay-at-home mom.

There are a few indisputable truths that have dominated a lot of my thoughts since transitioning into a professional environment.  Even though it is only a small amount of volunteer time I have already realized how much the working world would benefit from having a "Less then" person in there mists. In the wise words of Adele, we can "Lay your sh*t bare", if you will.

1) Stop whining:  You know what's more irritating then a toddler whining?  An adult whining.  Whether it's about not getting your copies done in time for your meeting or the office coffee not being hot enough, it's still annoying to listen too.  Unfortunately, office whining is a lot like retelling of your  night time dreams:  Nobody wants to hear it but you.

Are you complaining again?

2) No one likes a tattle-tail:  This is a hard one because in preschool it is strongly discouraged to tattle-tail but as an adult it is practically a right of passage.  All we want to do is commiserate how offended we are by one thoughtless action or another of a fellow coworker or friend or family member.  But the reality is, if you got a problem with someone, you gotta go talk to them about it; not everybody else!  Which is a beautiful little Segway into number 3...

3)  No one wants to deal with your crap:  Complaining is only acceptable if your going to make it funny.  (This is how I get away with this one)  Unless it's funny, it's just a great big downer.  My daughter is notorious for this.  "Life is so hard!  My mother is so unfair!  You don't even understand how ridiculous everyone is being because they won't let me go swimming in the pool when I just made a big stink about my ear infection and my mom just paid 50 bucks for medication to make it better.  Life is so unfair!!"  Yeah, that's kind of what we sound like as adults as well...

4) Take a nap:  Forget office living how about for life in general!  How much of our problems would be rectified if we just got enough sleep as opposed to barely getting any at all?

Not at your desk!  Go to your car like a normal person!

5)  Watch where you're going!:  It is embarrassing how often my kids walk into walls or doors or parked cars because they are just not looking where they are going.  That's a lot like what we do as adults.  We can get so wrapped up in numbers 1-4 that we forget that there is actually work that has to be done and a week goes by and nothing is accomplished and is just tacked onto the next work week. Next thing you know we are swimming in responsibility that should have been corrected a week ago!

and lastly...

6)  You are not the boss!  (Unless, you are then this doesn't apply to you so much)  I'm the mom so I'm the boss and some times I make decisions that are stupid and inefficient and frustrating and sometimes my kids try to point this out to me and sometimes I don't care, because I'm the boss and they have do what I say!  It's usually sooner then later that I realize for myself that my ideas were stupid and inefficient and frustrating.  But, do you want to be right, or sent to your room for a time out?  Sometimes we just have to swallow that pill and wait for the powers that be to figure it out, because that's their job... not mine.

I think I made a mistake..
How do I fix this without the pee-ons finding out.

I'm not even sure if this is making the connection that I am hoping it will but let me just end by saying that I have learned more about patience, time management, problem solving and professionalism in the past 5 years of being home with my kids then I ever could have learned in the work force and I think I am a better employ because of it.

I'm smiling because I have vodka!

Just as long as they don't find out about my drinking habit...


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