Tales from the ER

My youngest had come down stairs after being in time out and when she entered the room I asked her if she knew why I had to send her to her room.  She pitifully answered with "because I wanted to play in my room?"  and I corrected her with "No, you were in time out because you stabbed your brother in the throat with a pencil."

As these words were leaving my mouth, I suddenly had an out of body experience and I heard these words not as myself saying them but as someone else over hearing them.

...WTF.

Seriously?  "because you stabbed your brother in the throat with a pencil?"  and I'm not talking like he happened to be too close to him with a pencil and she nicked the side of his neck,  oh no!  That would almost be understandable.  Kids are dumb when it comes to judgment of distance and pain tolerance.  Oh no, my precious baby angle, decided to open her bothers mouth and jab a pencil down his throat.  Like... in his mouth... like in his throat...

...

She could have killed him!  Oh em gee.  I'm still reeling.  Does anyone else have this problem?  The problem of the insurmountable responsibility of trying to raise your children without them dying at their own hands... let alone mine?

And I was standing right there!  I mean I was right there!  It wasn't like I was in my bedroom with the door locked and earplugs in with my eyes closed.  This literally happened at my feet!  How am I supposed to protect them if they're constantly coming up with new and creative ways to kill themselves?

I just...
I can't...
I....

I bet they haven't heard this one!...

UGH!  What am I supposed to do?  I can't exactly childproof them from themselves.  Or maybe I can.   Tying them to a chair would be a whole lot cheaper then a babysit and as personal experience has shown that it might also be safer...

Don't judge me...

Antenella


*Update!  It turns out that the twins were playing dentist, and they couldn't find the child safety tool that the dentist had given them so apparently the best substitute for the safety mirror was a sharpened pencil.  At least I discovered that my children are just stupid as opposed to being psychotic killers.

This...

Not this... 

Aunt Viv

Do you ever just get the feeling that no matter what you do there is always that one person that is staring down their nose at you?

Honestly, I haven't had this feeling in a long time... Not since I added my third, now that I think about it.  This probably stems from the fact that since adding my third, I haven't had a chance to look at my reflection in a mirror let alone notice the curled lips of those staring down on me in judgement.

Well, both a glorious and horrific thing has come to pass with the new venture of my oldest going to public school and starting her first year of kindergarten!  The Bus Stop! ...  Not only has taking the bus been a huge breakthrough for her maturity and her growth but it has also brought a profound easiness to our family's lifestyle.  Since my precious baby angel is now in "real" school, I can put her happy butt on the school bus and wave to her from the sidewalk as some else is burdened with the safety, education and protection of my child for 6 glorious hours.

Terrifying, I know!

Anywho, with the passing of the torch comes a whole new slew of complications.

Now that I have so much extra time, (LOL) I have been able to come up for a breath... unfortunately that breath has been caught in my throat by the shock of iciness I have seem to have direct towards myself.

I am grateful to say that it is not from the large masses of mom's standing at the bus stop with me.  Praise the Lord, most of them show up just as disheveled as I do.  We nod at each other in the wee hours of the morning commiseration about our exhaustion of getting up early after going to bed late because one of our children had to have something done for the next day.

I've decided, I like school! I think I have finally found the other moms that are just as worn out as I am and for the first time I feel like I belong just because I showed up in my pajamas.

Alas, this sentiment is not held by all.  Especially not...

Vivian Banks...

I'm pretty sure that's not her name and she's probably not even close to being as cool as Vivian Banks but she is excellent at looking down her nose at me with a very open expression of disgust.

Ah yes, there is always one that doesn't approve.

And Vivian Banks does not approve... not even in the slightest.

It probably doesn't help that I'm in my pajamas... that are the same ones I was wearing yesterday...
And that my kids are still in their pajamas.  (But at least those are different then yesterdays...)

And that for the better part of the 20 minutes I stand at the bus stop, I'm yelling at my twins to stay out of the street while simultaneously trying to nod at my neighbors child who has decided to strike up a conversation with me as I was trying to talk to an actual adult...

Then the bus for my daughter comes and it parks its self nearly 50 yards away from where we are standing.  Every... single... day....

So now I have to run to the bus with my daughter while the twins are chasing after us screaming and crying while trying to send my oldest off with a glorious goodbye.  Meanwhile my youngest, (who looks nothing like me) has taken it upon herself to run in the opposite direction toward the other bus stop where Vivian Banks is waiting to make her judgments of me.

I kiss my oldest, put her on the bus, wave until the bus disappears down the street then frantically make my way to the second bus stop with my son and my neighbors kid, to where my 3 year old has decided to park herself and cry dramatically.

Did I mention my youngest looks like this:

Now picture the top scenario with not only her in her pajamas but her hair still wrapped up for bed...

Vivian Banks does not approve.

Not to mention that today when I decided I wasn't going to subject myself to her condescending tone of "Hellloh" by greeting her, the traffic cop asks me to keep a closer eye on my children because, and I quote: "You may not have noticed, but this is a very busy street, and I had no idea who she belonged too."

I could positively feel Vivian's eye rolling stabbing through the back of her head...

Ugh!

People suck sometimes.

I did notice that she was waiting with only one child at the bus stop...  Who happened to be a girl.

I pray nothing but grandsons for her future....

Antenella

Dear College Self

Just recently I was visited by a very dear friend of mine who I had not seen in a very long time.  It had been so long that I had seen my beautiful friend that when I started to think back to that time I realize it was 10 years ago!

Its been 10 years since I was in college... am I officially old?... Don't answer that!

Anyway, before she came I started to panic!  She hasn't seen me since college!  I'm nothing like how I was in college!  I'm not easy going, or carefree, or capable of taking about anything that isn't outside of the realm of Disney.  Plus,  I discover... I'm not a good person inside!  What if I can't hide it as well as I used too like when I was in college? 

This is going to suck!!  She's going to hate me!

And then she came and it was magical.  We picked up like nothing had changed, She loved my kids and my kids loved her.  I didn't get frustrated because I was trying to balance my attention with her and my kids.  It was perfect!  In fact, it was one of the most relaxing weekends I have had in a long time, besides the fact that we stayed up till 4 in the morning almost every night.

Having her come and visit made me realize something about myself that I never would have noticed otherwise...

I'm actually getting better with age!

It wasn't like she said these words to me or even made any indication to feeling this way but I realized that I have changed a lot since college and all this time I thought it was for the worse.  It turns out it's quite the opposite.

In response, I would like to write a letter to my college self. 

Dear College Self,

The world is not nearly as black and white as you have been taught it is.  In fact, there is rarely ever any black or white but just copious amounts of gray.  Every absolute that has entered your head is almost always not and to think that it is, is doing yourself a great disservice.

You may feel that your ability to "love on people" is overwhelming your obvious judgment of them, alas, this is not the case.  In fact, maybe, just maybe, you should stop talking long enough to allow someone else's thoughts to enter your frame of reference.  Life is very lonely when you think you know everything.  It's very hard to travel if you think you've already arrived.

There is no good way of telling you these things because as I am writing them you are distraught with the complete sense that someone has misjudged you and that these are not the things you ever considered yourself to be.

But how many assholes actually know they're assholes?

You are not completely lost.  A lot of what I'm telling you can only be fixed with time and experience, I know your heart is in the right place but that doesn't mean your mouth is.  Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing and sometimes the best way to love is with indulgence.  To accept people without having to change them or show them the error of their ways (Even if it is in "love").

Some times the best way to show your faith has nothing to do with your words and it most definitely has nothing to do with your quiet judgment.  Sometimes it means getting in deep with someone.  Experiencing their lives they way they are living them.

Maybe your ability to walk by faith has something to do with walking a mile in someone else's shoes.

You don't know what people are dealing with.  You don't know the demons they are fighting and even if they tell you, you can't experience it the same way they do because the only experiences you've ever had is your own.

So, Instead of loving God and people with your preconceived notion of what is right or wrong, maybe you should start with knowing the basics.

You.  Don't.  Know.  Anything.

There.  Now you can be a true vessel of God's love.  Now you are empty.  You can now begin to be filled up.  

-John 3:30

Your loving Sister in Christ,

Antenella