Tales from the ER

My youngest had come down stairs after being in time out and when she entered the room I asked her if she knew why I had to send her to her room.  She pitifully answered with "because I wanted to play in my room?"  and I corrected her with "No, you were in time out because you stabbed your brother in the throat with a pencil."

As these words were leaving my mouth, I suddenly had an out of body experience and I heard these words not as myself saying them but as someone else over hearing them.

...WTF.

Seriously?  "because you stabbed your brother in the throat with a pencil?"  and I'm not talking like he happened to be too close to him with a pencil and she nicked the side of his neck,  oh no!  That would almost be understandable.  Kids are dumb when it comes to judgment of distance and pain tolerance.  Oh no, my precious baby angle, decided to open her bothers mouth and jab a pencil down his throat.  Like... in his mouth... like in his throat...

...

She could have killed him!  Oh em gee.  I'm still reeling.  Does anyone else have this problem?  The problem of the insurmountable responsibility of trying to raise your children without them dying at their own hands... let alone mine?

And I was standing right there!  I mean I was right there!  It wasn't like I was in my bedroom with the door locked and earplugs in with my eyes closed.  This literally happened at my feet!  How am I supposed to protect them if they're constantly coming up with new and creative ways to kill themselves?

I just...
I can't...
I....

I bet they haven't heard this one!...

UGH!  What am I supposed to do?  I can't exactly childproof them from themselves.  Or maybe I can.   Tying them to a chair would be a whole lot cheaper then a babysit and as personal experience has shown that it might also be safer...

Don't judge me...

Antenella


*Update!  It turns out that the twins were playing dentist, and they couldn't find the child safety tool that the dentist had given them so apparently the best substitute for the safety mirror was a sharpened pencil.  At least I discovered that my children are just stupid as opposed to being psychotic killers.

This...

Not this...