The other night, after the kids were finally in bed and me and the hubby got to actually see each other for the first time that day, he tells me with such honesty and sincerity; that he felt I'm not attentive enough to our children.
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It was such a heartfelt and true concern that it was easy to push the immediate reaction of punching him in the neck aside and really listen to him. In all honesty, I guess I could be a little more attentive to them. If I were to take them to do more things or do some learning activities at the house or even play hide and seek once in awhile. (shudder*) But that's not what he was talking about.
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| I don't know how to say this but Your a bad mom. |
Again, he tells me this with genuine concern and sincerity. I bite my lip and wait a few moment to allow it to sink in before I calmly answer him. The first thing I say is, that the hardest thing about being a mom is that everyone else knows how to do your job better then you. Your kids teachers, your parents, your pediatrician, your friends with only one child and yes, even your husband. They may not actually think that but a lot of the times the things that they say make it seem that if the roles were switched, they'd do a much better job. I don't go into his I.T job and tell him how to lay out his programing. Of course not. Not only would I be giving wrong information but it would also be really obnoxious.
Secondly, I tell him that at 8:00 in the morning I am fresh! I am ready to watch every little think my daughter and son have to throw at me. I watch things all day! "Mommy, look at me!" is an every second of the day affair. From 7:30am till 6:30pm I am the only one in the house that they can perform for. So guess who gets to watch every jump, every spin, every burp? Me.
I know I shouldn't be complaining, I mean, I am very grateful that my children have minds and bodies that work with such ease and wonder that every little thing is something to celebrate. And celebrate we do! Every... Little... Thing.
Everything has to be documented with a visual from mom. And if I could be quite honest, I'm not watching some really amazing things either. Sure some of them are. Once I watched her do a somersault or another time I watched her hit her brother in the head with a plastic shovel. That was certainly entertaining. But for the most part I'm watching things like blinking, or drinking from a cup (which she's been doing since she was two and half) or spitting (which they shouldn't be doing at all)
So I am sorry if by the time my hubby comes home I'm not really excited when my daughter jumps up for the umpteenth time to show me something that involves standing as still as possible and slowly trying not to laugh. I'm sure that years from now when she's all grown up I'll look back and thing of how endearing it was but I notice that there are a lot of things about this age that will only be appreciated when a decade as gone by. As for right now, I'm just trying to survive it.
So give me a break if I'm to busy trying to get dinner on the table without burning it or the kids. The idea that my daughter will be a shell of a person because I don't have time to watch her jump over the grout lines in the kitchen is ridiculous and I refuse to allow myself to be guilted by it. Besides, there are going to be times when something else is going to take precedence over her need for attention, so it's better that she learns now then when she's in college and is throwing herself at some hot freshman boy and she thinks she less of a person just because he's not that into her. Whatever, she can blame me in therapy when she's old enough to pay for it herself.
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| Good! Now you can pay for your own therapy |
Now sit down. Dinner is ready.
Antenella
First of all, congrats on not punching your husband in the neck.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I don't even have kids, but I had a small glimpse of that "look at me x20000" behavior when I was a preschool teacher. Its cute the first 15 times, after that, not so much.
I don't think anyone has the right to tell someone how to do their job or be a parent until they've been in their shoes for last least 6 months (unless the child is being abused). Its not fair until they can appreciate the idiosyncrasies of the moment to moment challenged.
Maybe next time one of the kids wants any piece of your attention while your cooking dinner, ask hubby to come in and take over cooking duties so that you can be fully attentive to your child. That should end his concerns rather quickly!
haha! thanks so much for recognizing the strength it took to hold my fists back. And I am totally going to try getting him to do dinner. That should shut him up. I mean... get him to understand a little better what I do:)
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