Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Mommy the Maid

Yesterday was a whirlwind.  I wasn't home for most of it and when I did get home I was late getting dinner on the table and getting the kids to bed.  Despite being gone for most of the day, this did not stop my house from becoming a complete disaster zone.  Every inch of it was a wreck by the time I started taking the kids upstairs for bed.  The playroom completely torn apart, the t.v. room covered in little thomas the train engine toys (thanks to the new thomas train set from Stephanie.  My kids adore it!)  and the kitchen... Oh the kitchen.  Lets just say it looked like my fridge spit up all over my table, counters and floor.

Notice her smirk?  Its because she knows
her hubby is going to dip asap.
As I'm dragging kids and bottles up the stairs I make a mental note to come back downstairs as fast as I can, if for no other reason then to get the food off the floor, lest I get ants as a reward for my exhaustion.  I just made one simple mistake for a mom of three at the end of a long day...

I sat down.

And not for like 2 or even 5 minutes but closer to 10.  Death to productivity!  I wake from a drowsy stupor at around 11 when my husband is getting into bed.  I ask him if he managed to get downstairs and he said "Yes.  For about an hour."  I sigh and roll over with relief knowing that the food or at least the last of the milk would be making it to its home in the fridge.

Imagine my reaction when I head down stairs at 6:45am the next morning with a boy singing as loud as he can as if he's trying to wake his sisters, just to be welcomed to the same exact mess that was left the night before.

Confusion set over me.  Maybe I heard him wrong last night?  Maybe he was just as tired as I was and just came right to bed?  Maybe he didn't come downstairs for any length of time because any one with half his senses would see that this mess should not be left to its own devices.  

Let me just interject here and explain that I am not a neat freak.  I understand that it's ok to let things go and sometimes you just can't get to every load of laundry in a day and don't even get me started on the last time I cleaned my bathroom.  But food?  Really?  We live in south florida!  Leaving food out is just like hanging a sign on your door that says:  *"Every bug known to nature, welcome!  We hope you enjoy your feast and while you're at it please leave all the pestilence you can spare.  Your lazy housekeepers."

In Florida this isn't much of an exaggeration
So I spent the better part of the morning cleaning up the mess that was left behind.  All the while muttering under my breath about the stupidity of men.  As I'm cleaning left over ketchup and throwing out the last of the mustard my husband comes down stairs bright and clean and heads off for the day.  I should have just let it go and given him the benefit of the doubt, but I didn't.  As he is heading out the door I ask in my most innocent voice I can muster.  

"Just out of curiosity, how long did you say you were down here last night?"
"About an hour."  comes the reply of my dear husband as he heads out the door and closes it behind him.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

An hour?  And you didn't once think to look around and maybe throw the uneaten food away?  Or maybe put the fridge stuff back in the fridge? 

...

Frustration doesn't even begin to describe how I feel as I'm standing over the sink for an additional 20 minutes before I have to start the day and cook and clean all over again.  As my mind was reeling over all the things I could say or do to the wonderful man I call my husband my mind wandered onto a piece of advice that was recently given to me.  The advice that I just need to spend more time with my kids.  That the reason I feel so overwhelmed is because I'm not giving them the attention they deserve.

Does that money include a house keeper?
Oh yeah?  And how exactly do you expect me to do that?  I would love and would want nothing else then to sit on the floor and allow my children to crawl on me and play tea party or dinosaurs but no.  I don't get to do that because I'm too busy getting water, or milk or cutting up apples or getting a movie or setting up a picnic.  And all the additional work, aka, the prep and tear-down that every single one of them takes. 
Everyone thinks it looks like this
But this is actually the reality.
followed by "Mommy I want a cookie"
Getting milk or water requires a full reorganization of my refrigerator every.  Single. Time.  Because my Fridge is terribly small and not conducive to the four gallons of milk that it must constantly store.  Then preparing food of any kind includes the clean up time that it will inevitably need.  (see note above about leaving food out*)  then setting up even fun things like a picnic in my living room involves cleaning up all the toys that have been scattered all over the floor.

I can't complain to much.  I mean, my two older children do help clean up and tidy.  As long as I'm standing over them at all times and directing their every move.  But at least they want to help and there isn't to much of a fight.  I think what makes me most frustrated is the expectation that someone else will do the work.  Always.  I'll just leave my shoes under the stairs.  No worries, mom will find it later.  I think I'll leave all my toys scattered all over the floor.  No problem, mom will clean it.  I think I'm just going to make myself something to eat and then leave everything out on the table.  No worries, my wife will get it.  I mean it is her job after all.

I'm just feeling a little under-appreciated.  When did my job become nothing more then being everyone's maid?  Or when did everything that is under the household category become my problem solely? And then to add insult to injury, if I spend my time taking on those responsibilities I will be plagued with the consideration that I really just needs to take some time for the kids.  

Damned if you don't, damned if you do.  And this is the real dilemma of being a mom.  How do you balance your priorities (your kids) with your responsibilities (everything else) without feeling like you are constantly working to make everyone else happy?  I guess that's what mommy nights out are for.

Antenella

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