Toddler Physics

Ah, the joys of parenthood.  There is nothing more rewarding then to grow and nurture a child in this wonderful world that we live it.  The days are just packed with endless opportunity.  It is a beautiful thing to live life through the innocent eyes of your children.  You get to experience all the world has to offer without any of the frustration or bitterness that comes with age.  You get to live life free of fear and worry when you see it from their eyes.  The joy and adventure is palatable!

It is all so magical!  So why am I perpetually in a state of wanting to slit my wrists?!*  Maybe because to be a parent you are constantly surrounded by things that are made to irritate the crap out of you.  Everything from baby products to kids television.  With all of the modern conveniences we have managed to make our lives one big frustration.

So here is a list of things I just don't understand.  Why are these things even a frustration? Why do these things even happen? Why does the natural world of physics no longer apply when you have a toddler? I just don't understand...

Top five things that drive me crazy as a parent:

5.  Why is it that you spend 15 minutes trying to wrestle shoes onto your toddler, just so when you place them back on the floor their shoes just slip off?

4.  Why in the world do they make pacifiers out of the same stuff as bouncy balls?  Have you ever had to chase one down an aisle of target just to watch it lodge itself underneath one of the display cases?  You couldn't get it to do that if you tried.

With the power to disappear in a moments notice!

3.  Why in the world do my kids want to be around me when I'm trying to sleep when they have unless access to every toy under the sun and PBS is on tv... downstairs?  Seriously, how much fun is a sleeping bear anyway?

This is seriously what my playroom looks like.
Only not as neat.

2.  Why is it that at the end of the day your child has slept just as much as you, has eaten just as much as you, has had just as much activity as you, if not more and still seems to have endless energy?  Why does no on in my house need to sleep but me?

1.  Why is it that your house could be at a standstill.  No one needs anything, no one notices you, you are just doing your own thing.  The kids are watching tv or playing with blocks or coloring but as soon as you punch the numbers into your telephone all hell breaks loose? Its like they are dogs and they can hear the numbers being pushed.  Even if it's your cell phone... and it's on silent...

Or maybe it's as soon as the person on the other end picks up on their end.  Don't you love it when they pick up and the first thing out of their mouths isn't hello but "Woah! Is everything ok?"  
"Sure! Why? OhThat?  No, I'm just breeding pterodactyls." As I said before, raising children is a wondrous adventure filled with magic and uncertainty.  All the things in the modern world that used to make sense just doesn't anymore.  Because really, when you are asked a endless stream of questions you start to wonder why it is that we can't have ice cream for breakfast.

Antenella




*Not literally, everyone just calm down.  I am not actually thinking of off-ing myself.  It might be a little raw but I'm really just using it for comedic value.... yes, I understand my humor is a little disturbing.

Letters 2

Dear Crying Child of Mine:

I know we have gone over so many of the common concern of this world in a past letter but it has come to my attention that you might need a refresher.  I feel that by your continued show of anxiety through nothing but tears and volume you have forgotten the assurance you were once given not so long ago.

I understand that life can be very challenging with the basic needs of the body constantly needing attention but when, since you have been placed into my arms, have I ever let you go hungry?  What I mean to say is, have you ever gone more then a couple of hours without my offer of a snack or a sandwich or a cookie or some milk or some fruit or some crackers or crunchies or gummies or etcetera etcetera?

Since you may still be lacking in the concept of time department, let me assure you that it has never been so!  In fact, since you were placed in my arms it has been my ferociously constant driving force to assure you have enough food at all times.  I spend most every moment of the day preparing and assembling nourishment of every kind.

So please, if it would be at all possible, do you think that you could keep the screeching down to a low purr while we are in the grocery store?  Yes, the foods I am taking off of the shelves are for consumption.  No, it is not to be consumed in its entirely at the moment I place it into the cart.  Let me assure you that the motivation of the grocery store is not to tempt you with all the glorious foods that God has provided for us without the joy of tasting any of it.

It's just Captain Crunch.  Contain yourself.

On the contrary.  It is the very place we can accumulate such treasures!  So please, if you could for a moment, stop and give yourself a chance to appreciate the foods we have without needing to shove every piece of it down your throat.  I promise that your body will not only stay well fueled but will in fact thrive at the prospect of eating at the appropriate times.

So again, please stop the crying.  The majority of people get concerned when babies cry.  Especially when they are reaching with desperation for the box of cheerios placed behind them in the cart.  Plus, I'm tired of everyone within a 50 mile radius wondering why I don't just feed you.

On the another hand,  I do want to praise you in your wildly accepted concept of napping.  I am so proud of this daily decision to succumb to the overwhelming exhaustion that you feel at around 12:30 every day.  It takes a brave soul to allow ones self to seep into unconsciousness with nothing but me as your protector.  I have become overjoyed with the trust you have bestowed on me by allowing your tiny little eyelids to flutter shut and drift into the unknown.

So what, if I may ask, is the emotional trauma that you awaken to after every single nap for the past four months?  What, pray tell, is the nightmare that you find yourself being pulled back into when ever your consciousness surfaces?

Is it that for those brief moments you are asleep you are transported back to the mystical place that unicorns come from, where it rains chocolate milk from the sky and the floor is littered with every CARS character imaginable?  Or is it that while you dream you have visions of what your life should look like only to be woken into the disappointment that you were born into? What ever the case my be, I promise you that it is not as terrible as it seems at first glance.

Oh my! Those are all CARS?... Mind=blown

Sure, the shock of being woken in to this desolate place we call home that has nothing but endless  attention and toys for your every whim and amusement can cause a bit of stress but I promise you that if you just give yourself a moment to adjust you will remember all the wonderful things about being here on this planet we call earth.

Lastly, I want to bring you into the circle of trust and give you a tip of survival on this backward household we call home.  This is a piece of advice that could change your life.  It is so simple its almost comical!  In all honestly, if you can grasp this one piece of advice the world as you know it will be a happier, lovelier and safer place to live in!

...When I tell you not to do something, don't do it.

It is so elementary you may think it is a joke.  In fact, I am under the impression that you do think it is a joke since you blatantly ignore my warnings at every opportunity. Alas, I kid you not.  This is a true statement and it will serve you well as you learn, love and grow on this glorious planet.

And it's not just the "don't hit your sister" kind of thing that it applies to.  Oh no.  It is every thing.  Let me give you a few examples so you can get a better understanding of the importance of learning this lesson sooner then later.

"Don't jump on the couch, you'll hurt yourself"  What happened when you didn't do what I asked?  You hurt yourself.

"Don't stand up on the chair, you'll fall off and hurt yourself." What happened when you stood on the chair?  You fell off and hurt yourself.

"Don't jump on the stairs, you'll fall and hurt yourself."  What happened when you jumped on the stairs?  You fell and hurt yourself.

"Don't stick your fingers in your sisters mouth, she'll bite you and it will hurt." What happened?  Are you starting to get the picture here?

Seriously, My son would so do this.
No really, I don't think I should let him see this picture.

I know that this new world that you live in seems to have nothing but an endless list of rules with nothing but an "I told you so" to soften the blow of many a hurt but I assure you that if you can just make a few changes at a time it will get easier by the second.

I'm sure that you have a lot to think about with all the added revelations to ponder during your sleeping strikes at 3 in the morning so I will leave you with this... It gets better.

...unless your waiting for unicorns.
Then it will just be more disappointment.

Not going to lie.  I'm kinda disappointed
after seeing this pic.

With all my love and exhaustion,
Your loving and overwhelmed parent,

Antenella

Making a Dent

I learned something new today.  Well, it wasn't that I exactly learned it per say or that it was even new but I became aware of something already in existence.  As much as the little buggers try to pretend or explain away that I, as their parent is making any sense in their already "I-have-it-all-together-so-leave-it-alone-mom"attitudes, I'm making a dent.

Oh yes!  The repetitive list of the "do's" and "don't's" in my house that makes the never ending song look like a haiku is finally starting to take affect.  How, might you ask have I come to this conclusion?  By what display of affection or even, dare I say it, self-correction has occurred in you peripheral view whilst parenting?

None.  Of course, it wasn't displayed in a form of "I should probably listen to my mother and not teeter on the back of the couch as if I am an olympian on the balance beam about to clench the gold medal for the USA" because I will probably land myself in the ER. (Damn the olympics)  Oh no!  It was not something they did...

kinda like this... but on my furniture.

It was something I did...  typical.

So my hubby comes home from a long day at work and we make small talk while the sirens from the Odyssey let loose in my kitchen.  Needless to say it was futile for any form of communication.  So while my hubby takes the male into the playroom to dampen the sound of screaming I make a move to check Facebook on my computer.  Apparently, this was of distaste to my husband because when I asked him why he doesn't ever wanna hang out with me, in jest might I add, he states and I quote:

Ugh!  More men coming to goggle at us.
Can't a girl sunbath naked in peace?
Make their boat crash.  That'll teach them!

"oh, now you want me to hang out with you?  What happened?  Did you finally look up from your Facebook and notice I was gone?"

Ew.

Well, I decide that this is considered disrespecting mommy and in playful banter I race over to his side and lift his leg to "spank his bum" as we both dissolve into fits of giggles.  I head back to the kitchen to make sure my mac&cheese isn't boiling over and before I know it my 20 month old (the boy) comes running into the kitchen.

"No mommy, no hitting.  Gentle.  Gentle."  as he mimics petting the air softly.

So cute!  But he wasn't done.  Oh no.  What happens when we hit?  We have to go say we're sorry.  So he took me by the hand and leaded me back to the playroom where daddy was and he says again.  "No mommy, no hitting!"

So I had to apologize for my actions and then give daddy a hug to make sure he wasn't hurt.  I don't know about him but my pride was feeling it a little bit there.

Really?  From this kid?  He makes it his job to
discover new ways of making toys into weapons.

Alas, I managed to take away from this whole experience that I am making a dent in their seemingly relentless attempt to send me to the looney bin.  That one day they won't need me there to correct them and that maybe just maybe they understand the importance of sticking together and treating each other with kindness and respect.  To fight hate with love.  And to always be willing to say I'm sorry.


Or they just like to be the dictator once in a while.

Antenella  

Growing up

Today marks a very big day for me.  Today is the first day that my princess is going to camp!  And not just for an hour or even two or three but all day!  9am-3pm!  That is by far the longest she has ever been away from me that didn't involve me leaving her with her nana to escaping with my husband on a date night.

I discovered something today.  As I was packing her little lunch box in her way-too-big-for-her backpack I started to get very sad.  I might have even shed a tear or two.  As much as I complain about how overwhelmed I am or how exhausting it is to have three kids under 4 or how nice it will be when they start school, I discovered that I am full of crap!

Pay no attention to the man
behind the curtain

Sure I get exhausted or overwhelmed, especially on the days where it's been weeks in a row of sleepless nights or the days were everyone is sick at once; but l wouldn't change anything for the world.  I feel so blessed to be given such an amazing task of raising my kids and trying to do right by them by teaching them right from wrong.  (Even if there is no vacation or bathroom breaks and the money sucks.)

I just feel like everything is happening too fast!  When did my baby grow up?  When did I start feeling confident that she would do great without me?  This is what we're trying to accomplish right?  The whole point is to get them to where they can become responsible and independent young adults?  Then why do I feel so sad?  Maybe because she's only 3 1/2? (what am I going to do when she goes to kindergarden or gasp* college? Sob*)

I feel like I've been going through the rest of the day in a blur.  I haven't really done anything different then when she is home but for some reason I feel so out of sorts.  Like something is missing.  Maybe it's because I actually got to eat lunch while sitting down or maybe it was the fact that I could write this post with out having to get up 15 times to get miscellaneous objects that she needed to fulfill her every whim but whatever it is, it's quiet.

One of the twins is napping so it's just me and the boy and I tell you that monster of a demon is a sweet baby angle when he's the only one around.  He is so grown up, he's so helpful, he listens, he doesn't whine or cry...

Hmmm...

Maybe there is something to this kids growing up and getting involved in there own activities.  It helps the next in line grow up.  He gets more attention, he gets to make his own decisions and the expectation of him contributing to the household is more eminent.  It is now time for him to be the big brother!

I just hope that I can manage watching Thomas the train engine for hours on end.

Antenella