Toddler Physics

Ah, the joys of parenthood.  There is nothing more rewarding then to grow and nurture a child in this wonderful world that we live it.  The days are just packed with endless opportunity.  It is a beautiful thing to live life through the innocent eyes of your children.  You get to experience all the world has to offer without any of the frustration or bitterness that comes with age.  You get to live life free of fear and worry when you see it from their eyes.  The joy and adventure is palatable!

It is all so magical!  So why am I perpetually in a state of wanting to slit my wrists?!*  Maybe because to be a parent you are constantly surrounded by things that are made to irritate the crap out of you.  Everything from baby products to kids television.  With all of the modern conveniences we have managed to make our lives one big frustration.

So here is a list of things I just don't understand.  Why are these things even a frustration? Why do these things even happen? Why does the natural world of physics no longer apply when you have a toddler? I just don't understand...

Top five things that drive me crazy as a parent:

5.  Why is it that you spend 15 minutes trying to wrestle shoes onto your toddler, just so when you place them back on the floor their shoes just slip off?

4.  Why in the world do they make pacifiers out of the same stuff as bouncy balls?  Have you ever had to chase one down an aisle of target just to watch it lodge itself underneath one of the display cases?  You couldn't get it to do that if you tried.

With the power to disappear in a moments notice!

3.  Why in the world do my kids want to be around me when I'm trying to sleep when they have unless access to every toy under the sun and PBS is on tv... downstairs?  Seriously, how much fun is a sleeping bear anyway?

This is seriously what my playroom looks like.
Only not as neat.

2.  Why is it that at the end of the day your child has slept just as much as you, has eaten just as much as you, has had just as much activity as you, if not more and still seems to have endless energy?  Why does no on in my house need to sleep but me?

1.  Why is it that your house could be at a standstill.  No one needs anything, no one notices you, you are just doing your own thing.  The kids are watching tv or playing with blocks or coloring but as soon as you punch the numbers into your telephone all hell breaks loose? Its like they are dogs and they can hear the numbers being pushed.  Even if it's your cell phone... and it's on silent...

Or maybe it's as soon as the person on the other end picks up on their end.  Don't you love it when they pick up and the first thing out of their mouths isn't hello but "Woah! Is everything ok?"  
"Sure! Why? OhThat?  No, I'm just breeding pterodactyls." As I said before, raising children is a wondrous adventure filled with magic and uncertainty.  All the things in the modern world that used to make sense just doesn't anymore.  Because really, when you are asked a endless stream of questions you start to wonder why it is that we can't have ice cream for breakfast.

Antenella




*Not literally, everyone just calm down.  I am not actually thinking of off-ing myself.  It might be a little raw but I'm really just using it for comedic value.... yes, I understand my humor is a little disturbing.