So I have three kids. Just three. But it turns out that I am a traveling circus with three kids. I can't go any where or do anything without someone saying, "You've got your hands full!" Yes, thank you. I am well aware. Now will you please move your fat head so I can get to the lucky charms cereal before one of my arms falls off?
These kinds of comments I really don't mind. In fact, I get a lot of comments that a normal person shouldn't get and I can still roll with the punches. There is very little you can say or ask me that would offend me. I knew that this was going to be a God send as soon as we brought my youngest home. (She really doesn't look like any of us... We get a lot of questions)
But some things you just shouldn't say to a person. For example: "You have a girl and a boy so now your done, right?" I'm sorry, Who are you again? And why is it any of your concern if I have more children or not, lady at target in the check-out line using a check to pay. Will you just hand the cashier a credit card like everyone else, and get the hell out of my way... please? To which I replied, "I actually am expecting another one in June". Then I watched as her face fell in horror. Have a nice day! (Disclaimer: I am not actually expecting another baby at all in any near future)
I recently got a comment that tops that one and honestly, I just didn't even think could come out of people. I'm getting my kids into the car in a parking lot and an older lady is trying to get to her car which is right beside mine. She pipes up "Behind you" as she makes her way to her car. No biggie. Thanks for the warning. I don't think anything of it. Until I hear.
"Don't have anymore kids." Slam! As she closes her car door quickly.
...
I know!!!
I spin around and yell at her through her window. "What did you say?! That is by far the rudest thing I have ever heard anyone utter." With great satisfaction I saw her face go white with fear. I guess she figured I was going to come through the window after her.
There are so many things wrong with this:
1. I only had two of my three kids with me. So if it looked like I was a circus to her already, she should see me with a full performance.
2. My kids were being uncharacteristically well behaved.
3. Who says that? You may think it all you want but what is the use of voicing it at all. I'm not going to give my kids back just because you think I shouldn't have any more.
4. And lastly, when did we become a society that thinks of children as burdens instead of the joy that they are?
I would like to say that the comment was heard and then forgotten but I have to admit that it really hurt me.
It hurt because I do feel like we can be "a lot". That ever where we go involves planning, cooperation, verbal cues and constant direction. It hurt because it is isolating. You can't go to story time at the library, or pay 10$ a head for an indoor play park or even going over to a friends house becomes a lot of ruckus. Three kids isn't a lot of kids, but it is.
It hurts because I know that deep down everyone around me thinks that I'm in over my head. And most of the times they would be right. But it's so worth it! I wouldn't have it any other way. I hurts because I don't think people see the beauty of my children. The way they care for each other, or care for others. The way my son talks, my oldest smiles or my youngest laughs. All they see is a bunch of kids as they turn up there noses.
It makes me sad to think I'm raising my children in a society that seems to be quite content to not have any at all. Not in restaurants or movies or airplanes. It makes me sad because one day I would like more children. But I'm even afraid to voice this thought for the reaction I would get from family or friends or even complete strangers. It's hard enough raising kids with out people judging you for the very fact that you have them at all.
I can't be the only one.
I think, my kids are healthy. What about all those mothers with kids that don't have that luxury? Those that are blessed with special needs kids? How do they manage? What kind of atrocities do they have to deal with in the public arena ever single day? What kind of comments are they dealing with that are said to their face or behind their backs? Why are we so quick to cut someone so deep?
I want you to know that you are not alone. That it doesn't matter where you kid is in his walk of life, stupid people are going to say stupid things. Your kids aren't a burden! Quite the opposite, your kids are perfect! They are a blessing from God! They are the color of this world, the music to your communities, the life of our lives and our home and our schools! Our children, any child is what makes living in this fallen world a joy. It breaks my heart to think that we have forgotten that.
So from now on I refuse to be told that my kids are too much. They are all under 4! They're not too much! They're children! And children grow up, but they don't forget the way they were treated. So, you, stupid old lady in the parking lot, can go live a sad, lonely, pathetic life because no one will be there when you die.
Have a nice day!
Antenella
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