Screw you Mommy Guilt! Ep. 2

So, I'm starting to feel that mommy guilt creeping up again.  I just can't seem to get a handle on my life!  I guess, for the most part, I don't really notice it until I find myself at the end of the day collapsed into a pile of heaving sobs repeating the mantra of "I did my best."

You know you thought of that.

Good times...

But this week it's been a little different.  My husband has been home sick with the flu all week.  (Dear 7 pound 11 ounces baby Jesus, don't let me get sick!)  I know that he has spent most of the week in a quarantined state in our bedroom but I can't help but think:  "He must think I am crazy".

Because whether he can hear me or not, his presences has made me very much aware of all the colorful stuff that has been coming out of my mouth.

Mostly things like this:

* I don't know what you did with your water bottle.  If you want water you better find your cup and bring it to me before we run out of it.
* Fight to the death!
* I don't care if she hit you, why are you telling me?  You better take it up with her.
* I swear if you don't stop _  I will smack you so hard you won't know your own name!
* Is anyone going to actually eat lunch or should I even bother with preparing food?
* Where are your shoes? (x10)
* Get in the house (x10)
* No you can not watch tv. (x10)
* No you can not have juice (x10)
* No you can not paint your brother
* GET OUT OF THERE!
* DON'T TOUCH THAT!
* Oh no, that is not ok.
* Is that poop?
* Do I look happy right now?
* What are you saying?
* Please don't pee on the floor?
* You are going to have to wait until I am done.
* Do you want a spanking? (x100,000,000)

Don't even get me started on the F word

I realized that over the course of the week, I haven't really spent a lot of time speaking words of uplifting truth to my kids.  Who's got the time?  I mean, I spend most of my day keeping my kids from killing themselves or each other and making sure the house is suitable for human habitation.

How do other mom's do it?  I know my case isn't that unusual.  Having three kids this close in age is hard but it's definitely not unique.  I think of one of my girlfriends.  She's got six kids and she's expecting her seventh!  And they're all close in age.  How does she do it?

I used to think that I would love for my husband to stay home one day and just watch the chaos that I have to deal with every day.  That way I could show him exactly why I am losing my mind and why I should be showered with purple unicorns for not losing it completely.  But now that he's here I realize, I'm not really doing as great a job as I thought.

There are no quite times for bible study, or arts and crafts, or even book reading.  I just feel like there are more time-out's then time-in's and it's mostly just a lot of yelling.  I feel so guilty.  I never wanted to be a yeller.  Although, I don't know how I would communicate otherwise...  I'm not exactly a quite person...

But at the end of the day when I am wiped and I don't have the energy to even get undressed for bed, my kids still ask for prayers at night and to be tucked in and to be song a lullaby, and it's usually around the second verse of "Baby Mine" that I realize that I'm not failing at all.

It's called parenting.

Antenella