Remember the Time...TMI

Remember the time you told your preschool teacher too much information about my sexual life?

Oh, yes...  Kids say the darnedest things but before you call DCF, let me explain.

A few weeks ago I am picking up my son from his preschool and his teacher asks to talk to me after the other kids are picked up.

Uh Oh.  Fortunately, his teacher is kinda awesome so I figured it couldn't be too bad.  At least there would be a minimal amount of judgment.  That, I could handle.

Actually conversation:

Teacher:  So... I have to ask.
Me: Uh oh.
Teacher:  Your son stated a particularly strange sentiment this morning over lunch and at first I thought, I couldn't possibly have heard him correctly but when he said it again I wasn't sure what to make of it.
Me: Oh God.
Teacher:  He told me that... you... didn't like Penis?
Me:  (sigh)

why...?

I'm not sure what would be worse.  That he's telling people I don't like penis or if he was, in fact,  telling people I did like penis.

Let me clarify a few things.  First.  We don't have any cutesy names for our private parts.  We call them what they are.  Penis, Vagina, Breasts and Bum.  Sure it makes for awkward conversation as a toddler but it will be a whole lot less confusing when they get into their preteen.  Oh, and... all my kids already know where babies come from... and it's not the stork or the baby fairy or the department store.  (Although, we could have a case for that in the example of my youngest)

Go ahead and judge all you want but that's how we get down up in here.

With that being said, let's back up a few days from this hilarious yet humiliating conversation with my sons preschool teacher to three days prior.

All my kids are sitting around the kitchen table enjoying a healthy snake of apples and cheese, mostly because that was all that was left in my fridge.  Everyone's munching as I enjoy a moment of quiet.  Then, quite suddenly, my sons voice rings strong and true.

Boy:  Mommy?  Do you like Penis?
Me: Uhh... What?
Boy: (exasperated sigh) Do.  You.  Like.  Penis?
Me: (looking around as if someone is going to jump out and squeal about some hidden camera) Um... I don't understand the question.  Are you asking me if I like Penis?
Boy:  Yes.
Me:  Why are you asking me if I like Penis?

And in true Peter Pan fashion of putting his fists on his hips and thrusts his chest out proudly he says:

Boy:  Well, I do!  I think mine is great!

That's about right.

Oooooh.

Me:  Yes son!  It is a very strong penis something to be proud of but lets not talk about this at school, okay?

Fast forward to me standing face to face with my son's preschool teacher who is in fact awesome and is obviously not getting paid enough to have to field these kinds of circumstances.  All I can say with a straight face is:

Me: He told me he wasn't going to talk about that in class!

So then I had to retell the story I just shared with you and explain that he must have seen my unwillingness to share this kind of information with his class as a disproval of the male genitalia.  Now I'm thinking, that both my son and his preschool teacher are going to have a lot to tell there therapist when I am done screwing them up.

 Needless to say, she better get one hell of a parting gift at the end of the year.

Antenella