The Perfect Family

I’m going to let you in on a little secret that I have discovered.  Its pretty deep and philosophical so you better lean in real close.  Put your hard hats on because I’m about to blow your mind!  Life, especially life with kids is not perfect.  If you’re aiming for perfection then go out and buy yourself a frame because that’s about as close as your perfect family is going to get.    

I know!  You are shocked!  The world is finally making sense to you and now you are living on this new level of spiritual enlightenment.  Well, get out of Nirvana and come on back to earth because there are dishes that need to be washed down here.

Okay, maybe this wasn’t exactly a revelation to you.  In fact, this might have been a lesson you learned a long time ago.  Right around the time you realize that your night in shining armor was just a man and your forever after is just a mortgage payment.  Everyone is in a resounding agreement.  Life is not perfect!  

That is… until you decide to do something different.

If you step out of your comfort zone and start doing things differently, then every body changes their tune.  “What?  Why would you do that?  Your life is so perfect right now!  Why would you change jobs?  Why would you move?  Why would you go back to school?  Why would you adopt a baby?”

Oh yeah.  You step out of the normal and your biggest advisory is telling you how awesome your life is right now.

We are an adoptive family.  

AKA: “One of These Things is Not Like the Other”

When my husband and I decided that we were going to grow our family through adoption we were faced with a lot of … delicate questions.  These questions usually grew out of the protective nature and concern of most of our dearest friends.  Questions like “Why do you wanna do that?”  “Can’t you have your own kids?”  “Don’t you think two is enough?” “What happens if you get a psychopath?”

These “well meaning” questions would devolve into horror stories that usually started with “One time my sister's-girlfriend's-husband's-nephew's-twice-removed-daughter adopted once…” and always ended with “… and then they killed them in their sleep!”

The overwhelming theme of every concern was: “Why would you do that?  Your life is so perfect!  Don’t mess that up!”

Really?  Was it really perfect?

When my biological son was born, he cried.  He cried for nine months… Straight.  He cried so much that by the time he was six months old, I didn’t even like him!  

When my biological daughter turned 3, she went from being a beautiful, wonderful baby angel to becoming a possessed spawn of satan over night.  I didn’t even like her! 

I didn’t like them.  But I loved them more then life itself and to me, that made them perfect.

When we finally brought our youngest daughter home at 13 months old she couldn’t sit on her own, she couldn’t crawl, she couldn’t talk.  She had been fed so rarely that she would choke on the food we gave her for fear that it would be her last.  She was so overwhelmed with her asthma she would wheeze while sitting sedately.  She was afraid of noise, she wouldn’t sleep and she when she cried she would vomit because the mucous would submerge her lungs, choking her.

I remember being unable to leave her for a minute for fear that she would fall over and hurt herself.  I remember cleaning throw up off the floor while she was vomiting all over me.  I remember waking every three hours in order to administer her nebulizer treatment that allowed her a few hours reprieve from gasping for breath.

One night, I can remember waking up to one crying child which quickly turned into three children crying.  I remember rolling off my bed onto the floor, curling into the fetal position and just sobbing.  Needless to say, it was not idyllic.  It was a nightmare.  

But, would I have changed it?

Damn straight I would have!  I would have brought home a totally normal functioning child that only smiled when frustrated and pooped rainbows and unicorn stickers. 

But that’s not life.  that’s not reality, and if you want the best parts of what life has to offer you then you have to be willing to muddle through the worst.

My youngest daughter is perfect.  She is just as perfect as my other children.  Sometimes I don’t like her, But I love her more then life itself.  That’s what makes a family perfect.  Knowing all the imperfections, muddling through the grim and tears and frustrations and knowing that at the end of the day.  This is your family.  These people will love you no matter what.

One of the happiest days of my life, right up there with the birth of my biological children, was the day that we had to strap three carseats all in a row into the back of our mini van.  It was the most awe inspiring and terrifying day of my life.

All those fears came back.  We were saying goodbye to our "perfect life" in search for the unknown, the "What if's" that life has to offer us.

What if its terrible?  What if I can't handle it?  What if this is the biggest mistake we can make?

...

But what if this is the day you look back and think, this is the day my family became perfect.

Antenella