Wisdom of Strangers

Today I was reminded of why I am so grateful that I am such an obnoxious talker.  If you've ever had any kind of a conversation with me (or sat in the next booth over from me while I was talking) you would know that it is one of my most favorite things to do.  I especially love to complain about my children.  Not because they are really terrible but because half of the stuff that they do, you just couldn't make up!

When I was younger I would be known to embellish my stories to make them more interesting.  It wasn't lying.  I just figure, why let the truth get in the way of a good story?  But now I feel like the boy who cried wolf because everyone just assumes I'm exaggerating!

Alas...

Now as a parent, I have been known to talk (and blog) about the shenanigans my children pull with just about anyone.  My mom, my friends, the poor women stuck in the check-out line next to me.  But today I was talking with one of the moms who son is in the same classroom as my son.

We were both watching from the doorway as her son started to lift a jar of lemonade off of the table in order to pour himself a glass.  Did I mention that this was a three year old class?  Both of us looked on at the impending doom, letting a sigh escape our lips.

"That's not going to end pretty," She says to me.
"At least he's in the classroom so, technically it won't be a mess that you'll have to clean up." I reply.
"Yeah," She sighed again. "I just feel bad, that they'll have to clean it up at all."
"You think that's bad, let me tell you what my daughter did yesterday."

I then proceeded to tell her about "the Incident of the 7th of March", where (long story short) my youngest daughter decided that she would rather urinate all over herself in the middle of Walgreens then follow my direction.  Yes, my daughter peed herself to spite me...

When I told this wonderful women, who also has an adopted child, about my plight I asked her, "Is that normal?  Do I have to put her back in therapy?  Is she going to be a psychotic serial killer when she gets older?"

Maybe she'd be a better mom?

 The beautiful, compassionate and super smart women looked at me like I had three heads and said,
"No!  Of course not!  That is totally normal!  She's three right?"

So she told me all the terrors of the three-year-old's and how they are way worse then two-years-old's and she will totally grow out of it and that it's just their nature.  She's totally fine and no, that is not weird at all.

"Really?"  I asked breathlessly as a ray of hope burst from my chest.  "I'm not totally, royally screwing her up?"

"Of course not!"

I can't tell you how much better I feel.  Its as if a weight has been lifted and I can stand tall once more.  When ever I have these battle of wills with my children I always seem to come out of them worst for wear and honestly, I don't know if my heart can take it anymore.

I second guess myself, I wonder if it's something that needs to be fixed with medication.  What if it's because she's adopted and its in her DNA and the horror stories of adopted children killing their parents in their sleep start washing over me and I wonder if maybe I can't just fix it with love and discipline after all!!!

She seems so normal...

But because I can't keep my mouth shut, I shared my fears, the Lord heard my cry and He sent me this spectacular women in white that was able to banish my fears and get back on the horse of parenting.

But what if I wasn't open about my struggles?  What if, because of my mortification, I just kept it all inside? (Like a normal person)  What if I just allowed my thoughts to consume me, thinking over and over again of the altercation that will be forever know as "the Incident of the 7th of May".

I can tell you exactly what would have happened!  My nerves would have wrecked me from the inside out and I would be weaker in the next battle of wills with my children and then maybe they would win the next one.

They mustn't win.  Ever.  I must break their spirits!  Molding them in to the well behaved, willing members of society that I know they can become!

All of this to say, don't be afraid to share you failings because maybe your very failing was another moms victory and she can tell you what the battle looks and feels like on the other side.  She will be able to paint a picture of normalcy and acceptance and triumph and maybe...

you can ride on her coat-tails until you have victories of your own.

Antenella