Dear College Self

Just recently I was visited by a very dear friend of mine who I had not seen in a very long time.  It had been so long that I had seen my beautiful friend that when I started to think back to that time I realize it was 10 years ago!

Its been 10 years since I was in college... am I officially old?... Don't answer that!

Anyway, before she came I started to panic!  She hasn't seen me since college!  I'm nothing like how I was in college!  I'm not easy going, or carefree, or capable of taking about anything that isn't outside of the realm of Disney.  Plus,  I discover... I'm not a good person inside!  What if I can't hide it as well as I used too like when I was in college? 

This is going to suck!!  She's going to hate me!

And then she came and it was magical.  We picked up like nothing had changed, She loved my kids and my kids loved her.  I didn't get frustrated because I was trying to balance my attention with her and my kids.  It was perfect!  In fact, it was one of the most relaxing weekends I have had in a long time, besides the fact that we stayed up till 4 in the morning almost every night.

Having her come and visit made me realize something about myself that I never would have noticed otherwise...

I'm actually getting better with age!

It wasn't like she said these words to me or even made any indication to feeling this way but I realized that I have changed a lot since college and all this time I thought it was for the worse.  It turns out it's quite the opposite.

In response, I would like to write a letter to my college self. 

Dear College Self,

The world is not nearly as black and white as you have been taught it is.  In fact, there is rarely ever any black or white but just copious amounts of gray.  Every absolute that has entered your head is almost always not and to think that it is, is doing yourself a great disservice.

You may feel that your ability to "love on people" is overwhelming your obvious judgment of them, alas, this is not the case.  In fact, maybe, just maybe, you should stop talking long enough to allow someone else's thoughts to enter your frame of reference.  Life is very lonely when you think you know everything.  It's very hard to travel if you think you've already arrived.

There is no good way of telling you these things because as I am writing them you are distraught with the complete sense that someone has misjudged you and that these are not the things you ever considered yourself to be.

But how many assholes actually know they're assholes?

You are not completely lost.  A lot of what I'm telling you can only be fixed with time and experience, I know your heart is in the right place but that doesn't mean your mouth is.  Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing and sometimes the best way to love is with indulgence.  To accept people without having to change them or show them the error of their ways (Even if it is in "love").

Some times the best way to show your faith has nothing to do with your words and it most definitely has nothing to do with your quiet judgment.  Sometimes it means getting in deep with someone.  Experiencing their lives they way they are living them.

Maybe your ability to walk by faith has something to do with walking a mile in someone else's shoes.

You don't know what people are dealing with.  You don't know the demons they are fighting and even if they tell you, you can't experience it the same way they do because the only experiences you've ever had is your own.

So, Instead of loving God and people with your preconceived notion of what is right or wrong, maybe you should start with knowing the basics.

You.  Don't.  Know.  Anything.

There.  Now you can be a true vessel of God's love.  Now you are empty.  You can now begin to be filled up.  

-John 3:30

Your loving Sister in Christ,

Antenella