Ode to my Budget

My husband and I have finally decided to cut back on our spending and start trying to put a little bit in savings.  The following letter is addressed to the two weeks worth of our new "budget".  I say

"Budget" pretty loosely since that's basically just a code word for "Don't spend any money until we get payed again."  It has been a journey of testing and resolve.  But on the upside,  I look damn skinny:)

Ode to my Budget:

How I loath you with the passion of a million fiery suns exploding in a brilliant display of blazing fervor...

Oh budget, why must you curse me so?
  
How I wish I could embrace you with a longing deepest to my heart.  How I wish we could be a happy union like that of the blissful bride on the dance floor of her wedding.  

But alas, it shall not be.

Oh, Why O budget of intense minimalist, must you be as strapping as a straight jacket?  The Grocery store has a BOGO on Bacon but I reach back my hand to review my calculator with the utmost of despair.  BOGO must wait till friday...

A mantra that you have forced me to call my own, O budget of paralysis!

Hark!  A coupon for Kohls has brightened my doorstep!  Oh happy day this day of magic and wonder!  But the fates are cruel and the expiration draws near... too near.  Friday can not over take it and I am doomed to lose the $10 kohl bucks I would have rejoiced in spending.

Why must you make a mockery of me O cruel financial planning?

Why must you mock me with your window sales of two for one yankee candles in all the delectable flavors of autumn?  What does the smell of "Balsam and Cedar" or the simplicity of "Harvest" smell like?  I shan't know,  for the envelope for "Home Decor" was nothing but a laugh an after thought, complete with the promise of a "Home" envelope in future months.

Why must the wheel of my mind churn like the grinding wheel of a 1940's flour mill when I lay my eyes on my barren refrigerator?  I close the door in shame and empty longing only to reach for the handle again for the 10,684th time.  I peer into the empty bleakness again with a renewed sense of insane glee that maybe a morsel of nourishment will present itself as a sacrifice to the tiny gods that litter my floorboards.

The tiny gods demand Dunkin Donuts!!   They scream out to their maker of McDonalds!  They what nothing but to suckle on the tit of the frozen yogurt down the street?  When the tiny gods do not get their sacrifices they become angry gods, bend on making the life of their servants nothing more then day in and day out misery!

This poor man that my kids are attacking
isn't actually related to us.  But this is what will
happen if you are cursed with their wrath!!!

Oh Curse you!  Dave Ramsey and all your financial prowess! 

Why must your words of wisdom incise me so, to the point of pain and suffering?  Why must I want to be more then a victim of this life that I have created for myself?!  Why can't I just blame my parents like everybody else and then continue my life of decadency in the complete ignorance of my financial portfolio?  Why must I long to be better then I am?

Is there a way to see outside the suffering?  Will there we rejoicing at the end of this never ending uphill marathon from hell?

Will I be able to make it to the other side with nothing but joy and hope renewed?

Will the tiny gods be happy with the home made donuts instead?  

Only time will tell....
and you...

O Budget

Fin 

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