As I was pulling my son off of the sandbox lid in which he was determined to clean in it's entirety using only his tongue, it dawned on me what my next blog would be about. The world of toddlers. Welcome to a world where the sense of taste is paramount! What is it with kids and having to put everything in their mouths? Especially boys. Sure my daughter went though the stage where things would go immediately to her mouth but it never exceeded my gag reflex. Where as my son seriously has some kind of competition going on about what is going to make mom throw up a little bit in her mouth fastest.
So here is the top five grossest things I have fished out of my sons mouth. This is in no way an exhausted list for perhaps even the rest of the day but up until now these things have literally make me want to hurl. I definitely wasn't going to tell anybody about it. I already have bad mommy tattooed across my forehead so how much more can this hurt, really?
So here it goes... Don't judge.
1. A dead beetle: I can't seriously by the only mom that has pulled a dead bug out of their kids mouth but there is just something about beetles that seriously give me the heebey-jeebeys. Especially when all you see poking out of your kids mouth is just it's legs. (Shutter*)
2. Poop: Not human poop or dog poop, as if it make it any better, but turtle poop. Yes, turtle poop. African spur thigh tortious poop. Don't ask me why we have a African Spur Thigh Tortous. I seriously don't even want to talk about it. It lives in our backyard and the kids love it and it takes absolutely no work to care for it so I don't mind it too much. That is, until I'm fishing it's poop out of my kids mouth! Fortunately, the turtle only eats grass so it's really more like a grass patty then a poop. Ugh, that is not helping is it.
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| He's great at parties |
3. Half of an uneaten waffle that had been sitting on the floor since the breakfast before and is now swarming with ants: Ok. So we had a bit of a bug problem in my house. It's better now. (thanks Brandy!) We actually found a guy that can manage these things and I actually feel like it's working instead of just throwing my money away so that I can still have bugs in my house. Anyway, this is a major part of how we got a bug control guy in the first place. Gag, gag, gag, gag, gag. I seriously can not freak out enough over this one. Especially since I had to throw him in the sink an wash away the multitude of ants off his chest.
4. Broken glass: Yes, broken glass. After my heart stopped and I searched his mouth for deep bleeding cuts to find none, I realize that this one isn't that gross. But Oh mylanta! I had broken a jar, or should I say the boy had broken a jar by pulling it off the shelf in the pantry which was a nightmare in itself. And I had mopped and swept till the cows came home and sure enough a week later I find this tiny piece of glass in his mouth. Oh gosh, I'm pretty sure I am the only one that has allowed that to happen. At least I hope I am.
5. His own hands: Sounds so innocent. But it seriously makes me want to throw up just relaying the story to my hubby. We're in a public bathroom. Not a clean one that already has it's plethora of disgust but a dirty public bathroom and I put him down on the floor for a second because, he can walk, as I seat my daughter on the toilet and he falls onto his hands then immediately puts them in his mouth. He is right by my feet and I still couldn't stop him in time. There was nothing I could do. I did my best, I did my best, I did my best. (sob*)
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| Please don't touch anything! repeat X3 as quickly as you can. |
So there you have it! Now you can feel better about your mothering skills. I'm sure that most of you are thinking you are a much better parent then you thought you were. I mean, at least you didn't find poop in your precious baby angels mouth so you're doing better then me. So sit back and relax and tell your significant other that you are awesome because dang! You are! And if you are as unfortunate as me to have a child that refuses to let dead bugs lay then pat yourself on the back anyway. Because hey! It could be a lot worse.
I'm sure I'll get to blog about that in the semi near future:)
Antenella
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