Things I Miss the Most

I was recently lucky enough to get on the phone with my sister and have some girl time.  She was telling me about her life and how she wanted to make a few changes to make it a little more freeing.  I in turn told her, like any good sister would, that she should sell all her stuff, break her lease, move to a Caribbean island and work as a bartender/stripper to make the bills.  Lord knows she'd be making more then she does.

She laughed, but when the laughter wasn't returned she asked: "You're kidding, right?"

totally...maybe...no.

Was I?  I wish I was.  Projecting, I think, is the word that best describes this extravagant suggestion to my established and well educated sister. That made me realize... I might be feeling a little overwhelmed as a stay-at-home-mom.  

Don't get me wrong.  I am so unbelievable grateful for the life that God has so graciously bestowed on me.  Seriously, I have everything I could have ever hoped or wished for!  So why this sudden outburst of insanity?

It isn't that I dislike my life now, it's just that as time passes I tend to romanticize the life that I lead before becoming a wife and mother.  Here is an un-exhausted list of the few things that I miss about being single.

1.  Sleeping by myself:  I don't necessarily mind sleeping with my husband.  Even with the fact that I have to sleep wearing earplugs just to make it to the REM level of my sleep pattern.  But I have a queen size bed and I can normal share this mattress with at least one and up to three other people.  It doesn't make for the most comfortable or restful nights of sleep.

2. Using the bathroom:  Never in a million years would I have thought that this of all things would make the list.  Seriously, how exciting can it be in there.  Well, apparently it's the most amazing place in my whole house because when ever I step foot into by 2x2 foot half-bath I'm joined my three other people.  Woah, mom's gotta poop! PARTY IN THE BATHROOM!! (cue club music)

3.  Going out:  And I'm not even talking about going out for fun.  I'm talking about running in to get toilette paper because that's the only thing I actually need.  To be able to jump out of my car with nothing but my clutch bag or more accurately my backpack and running inside for nothing more then milk, or eggs, or a Reeses peanut butter cup, 'cause I just really had a craving for one just now.

4.  Eating:  How blissful it was to be able to eat without having to cut up half of it into mushy remnants of what the meal was actually presented as just to have it struck off the fork as it gets close enough to my screaming child's mouth.  Or better yet, looking at the menu and choosing something that I actually wanted to eat and not something that could be easily eaten by someone else with tiny fingers and mouths.

5. Taking a shower:...   Hahahah!  What's that?!

I think it looks like this.

6. Permission to speak freely:  I swear.  A lot.  I'm not proud and it has been a constant struggle to clean up my act.  But now I wish I had spend more time saying what I please.  Now I spend a lot of time gagging myself with my own words.  Mostly because my oldest will most definitely repeat it at her preschool or even worse, in front of her father.

7.  Not having to ask permission:  If I wanted to go see a movie or get my hair done or get my nails done, I made that decision.  If I had the money, what the hell! I'd get it done.  Especially if it was a hard week.  Who needs to eat when my toes have a french manicure on them?  (Let's just say that it's a good thing that Groupon didn't exist when I was single.)

8.  Listening to my own music:  I don't normally get into anything to crazy but there is just something not right about listening to Flo Rider talking about blowing his whistle while my kids sing along in the back seat.  Oh God!  Please don't tell daddy.

exactly!

9. Visiting friends:  If I missed a friend of mine I used to just go see them.  If they lived out of state, i'd call in with some excuse of catching mono and take off for the week.  So what if my car could barely make it there, or that it was usually on my last dime.  When did you get to see your collage friend get crazy on a friday night?  ... I mean when you're not actually still in collage.

10.  Being alone:  I used to spend a lot of time alone.  I used to spend a lot of time in prayer or just listen to music or sleep.  And I know that I am romanticizing this one pretty hard core.  But some days I would really just like to listen to nothing but the sound of my own breathing.

There you have it!  An especially selfish list of things that I miss...

But as I glaze over this list I realize that there isn't anything I would replace.  If I had to sleep by myself again or go out or even eat by myself, it would be so lonely.  So empty.  What about all the laughter that permeates every aspect of this list that was never included until now?  Or the tiny kisses or tiny hugs?  Or those moments where I'm sitting on the couch and all my oldest wants to do is snuggle next to me and watch whatever I'm watching just because she wants to be close.

...

I take it back.  I don't miss any of those things.

Antenella