Appreciation

Being a stay at home parent is... well, hard!  As I'm sure most of you have discovered all too quickly.   Gone are the days of running errands in a timely manner or sitting down to eat.  Like at a table with a chair and everything.  Even a trip to the public restroom has become the most foul event you will ever have to encounter.  You're grumpy, you're tired, you're in the same pants you've been wearing for three weeks because the only laundry you've had time to do is your kids and you are just overwhelmed!

Not only is it all consuming, with nothing but round robins of "mommy, I want" playing in the background, it's also very isolating.  So isolating.   Because no body wants to hang out with you when you have kids.  No one!  Don't kid yourself.  Even all those awesome people that do tolerate your kids just to see you, if given a choice would definitely chose to see you without your kids.

In fact, if you are anything like me, as soon as your friend leaves your presence they solemnly swear to never ever have kids if they can help it.  And some times they will be so pleasant as to tell you this revelation while your kids are crying at your feet or asking you to wipe their bum or some other activity that is just as degrading.  What are you supposed to say to that anyway?  Yeah, don't have kids or you'll end up just as miserable as I am?

Don't get me wrong.  My kids are out of control.  I get that.  Trust me!  If I had the choice I would much rather do almost anything without my kids as well.   So I'm not blaming or judging or being unrealistic about the way people should see my kids.  (A big thank you, to all those awesome people in my life who have stuck it out despite the crying.)  But it's still kind of sad.  I guess it's because my kids are really awesome!  For the most part, I think they're fun and cute and full of funny remarks that totally embarrass me in public.  But I feel like no one gets to see.

Mostly because any time anyone wants to talk to me my son decides he's going to play the 'lets see how long I can cry at the top of his lungs for' game and if he out lasts me, he wins a prize!  Its usually a spanking and time out but I guess a prize is a prize and it's all about finishing strong anyway.  So I don't really get to talk to anyone for very long.  It just kinda gets... loud.

For example, I was on the phone with my hubby recently while he was on his lunch break.  (Can you imagine getting a lunch break?)  I was trying to decipher for him the insanity that is the VPK program in south florida with an element of speech therapy thrown in. (It's a blog in and of itself)  I've spent the last two days coming to the conclusion that I should have started this process three months ago while trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do for my daughter next year without having to spend a grand in child care.  Lets just say, it doesn't make any sense and any time you think you've got it, it gets confusing again.  Just like having kids!  It never really changes.

So I'm on the phone trying to give him numbers, locations and budgets and I'm throwing out words like voucher and lotteries and iep's.  All the while I'm pulling out of the parking lot, the kids are whining for water and Justin Bieber and old mcDonald fries.  As I'm talking I break into a coughing fit that ends up being 3 minutes long, because of course, I'm sick.  (That makes my life so much easier, because just like a non-existant lunch break, I also get no sick days)  So finally my husband says, "Lets just talk tonight."

"But this is my life!"  I blurt out angrily.

Woah...

The reason it hurts is because he unwittingly touched on something that I feel I get from a lot of people.

"I don't have time for you."
"Your lifestyle is too loud and confusing for me"
"I don't think that you are worth putting in the effort"

He didn't say that.  In fact, I doubt very much that he would mean that at all since he's married to me and there is no getting out of that.  (Especially when he's lassoed me with three kids)  But that's the feeling I get.

I remember before I had kids, I tried desperately to stay connected with one of my girlfriends who has four kids.  It was hard but I always made the effort to call or hang out even with all the confusion.  My husband asked me one day why I even bothered if she was too busy to hang out with me.  I told him exactly what I want to tell my friends now.  "Because her friendship was worth it to me."

I promise it won't always be this way!  The kids will grow up, they won't need me to be the center of their universe and I will be able to live again.  Then I will be able to listen to your boyfriend stories or work drama without having to stop you every two seconds to address hitting or pushing or biting.

I won't have to interrupt your ranting about your boss because some one just wants to be held or wants me to kiss a boo boo or hold their doll while they try to feed it a bottle.  One day there won't be noses to wipe or skinned knees or tear streaked faces.  One day everyone will be able to sit at a restaurant table without crayons and make it through a whole meal without having to be taken to the bathroom 3 times or eating their weight in oyster crackers.

One day the reasons I live will grow up and then I'll have all the time in the world.

But my world will be pretty empty....

Be patient with me and tell your mommy friend that you appreciate them even amongst all the confusion.

Antenella

What I learned from my daughters obsession with the Biebs

Her face isn't big enough for her smile

When I say my kids (my oldest daughter in particular) are on a Justin Bieber kick, I'm not even doing it justice.  Obsession would be a more accurate description.  This is my fault.  We typically only listen to the local christian radio station in our car just so that I know they are getting some good christian influence from some where since their depraved, mouth of a sailor mom doesn't seem to cut it most days.  But one day I just couldn't take another hallelujah (Hence, needing a good christian influence) so I plugged in my pandora radio to the top 40 hits.

lo' and behold, on came Justin and it was all down hill from there.  I don't know if he was talking about being the beauty to my beast boyfriend as long as I loved him or something but whatever it was my kids were hooked!  Now every time we get in the car they ask for Justin Bieber.  (I have to record my son asking for him it sounds like 'dustn beer' so cute!)

It used to be, that as long as I put on Pandora and not that horrid christian music (going to hell in a hand basket) that would keep them satisfied.  That is, until I made the mistake of showing them the cover album of one of Justin's songs and now I have to show his picture every time a new song comes on just to pacify the natives.  My kids are so intent on listening to Justin Bieber that I had to finally break down and download the album off itunes.

Omerged!

But I have learned something from all this and not just the lyrics to his most obscure song on the album.  I learned what it means to stand up for what you believe in.  (Ironic, since the album is called Believe.  Touché Bieber, touché)

Me: singing along to Justin Bieber
My oldest: Mommy, do you like Justin Bieber?
Me: Yeah, I could be a Bieliber.
Oldest: Why?
Me: I guess it's because I'm always surprised that I like his songs.
Oldest: Why?
Me: Well,  I end up singing along to them and then I start to realize he's pretty talented.  Ugh!  Don't tell my friends I just said that.
Oldest: Why?
pause
Me:  I don't know why.  I guess I don't want them to make fun of me.
Oldest:  Why would they make fun of you?
Me:  Because they don't like Justin Bieber
Oldest: Why?
Me:  I don't know.  I wonder if it's because a lot of them have never hear what he can do because they had already written him off as a teeny bopper singer just because someone that didn't like his music told them so.
Oldest:  What's tinny opper?
Me: It's an old saying I don't think the kids use anymore to describe what young kids like.

Then I started to think that my oldest never had any problems telling people she liked Justin Bieber.  In fact, even when the response was negative she never backed down from telling people that she liked him or his music.  She's only 4 and she's already better at dealing with peer pressure then I am!  Why do we let what other people think affect the way we not only see the world but even what we allow ourselves to take in from it.

Even when I told people that we had gotten her a poster of her new favorite person we got a lot of backlash.  "Ugh! Why would you expose your daughter to such crap?!"  Because she likes it?  I understand that there is a limit to what or how your kids can express themselves.  But the Biebs is about as innocent as it comes now a days.  At least the album is.  So what if she likes Justin Bieber, I'm not going to be one more person to add to the negativity that surrounds that kid.

He's just a kid.  Justin is somebody's son too.  I have one of those.  I wouldn't want grown adults writing hateful things about my kid just because they didn't like his taste in music.  It seems a little ridiculous to me and yet we do this all the time.  We forget that there are people attached to the words that we say.  We have to stand up for what we like and believe in, even if its not popular or the status quo.  Even if your views differs from mine doesn't make it less valuable or essential to understanding the world around us.  We need everyone's likes and dislikes to build the beauty of the world around us!

Me: Do you like Justin Bieber?
Oldest: Yeah!  (enter big smile)
Me:  Then you shouldn't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't like just because someone else doesn't agree with you, right?

But she didn't answer.  She was too busy singing "... people want to be loved..."

Antenella

Toddlers vs Old People

I live in south florida and the beautiful thing about south florida other then the constant heat, the over grown bugs, the traffic and of course the hurricane, is the ever present plethora of old people*.  Now I don't typically have a problem with old people per say.  As long as they're not driving, or standing behind me in line or touching my newborn on the face.  Its just that they tend to be kind of frustrating.

Yes, Its beautiful.
But you'll never see it if you move down here.

I'll be honest, before kids they were the bane of my existence.  Constantly getting in my way when I had to be some where or giving me dirty looks for being so brazen with my youthful vigor.  But lately, I seem to have a much higher tolerance for them.  It all started when I started having children.  Old people became my best friends!  They would usually be the only one who would have a moment to talk to a stir-crazy mom, such as myself just killing time in Target.  Since then I have liked them a whole lot more.

I think I finally figured out why.  Because old people are the equivalent of taller toddlers!  I know we laugh about how old age turns us back into our youth but this is fo' real, yo!  

OMG!  Just like my son!

So everything kind of came to a head today at the gym.  I belong to a YMCA so it's full of old people and mom's with kids.  (My kind of place.)  I had just dropped off my precious baby angels at the kid care and was trying to make my way to the bathroom, except for the fact that there was this little old lady standing right in front of the door trying to find something in her purse.

Now, I've seen this many a time before.  My kids become so involved in trying to zip their pants or button a shirt, that they just lose all awareness of the world around them.  The problem when this happens to an old person is that you can't just gently push them out of the way like you would your toddler.  It tends to be frowned upon.  (I've tried)

So, I just had to stand there and wait until she had found your glasses or was ready to move on and as I was waiting, I briefly thought:  "I hope no one is on the other side of that door other wise she's gonna get a door in the..."

Sure enough, my mommy radar was on and I stopped the door from hitting the old lady in front of me before the old lady on the inside smacked her in the face with it.

I swear, I deal with this stuff on the playground on a daily basis. How often are we yelling at our kids to "watch out!" or "Pay attention!"and yet, here is a women, who probably drove here on her own, with the equivalent of awareness as my 2 year old?  It seriously worries me.

Other things I notice about how old people are just taller toddlers is that they both get crazy as soon as you put them in a car.  Your two year old might be the sweetest, most patient, easy going child known to man and as soon as you put that sucker in his car seat he turns into an enraged sumo wrestler.  You are fighting to get them buckled in and then you have to listen to them scream until you reach your destination.  Old people are just like this!!  You're beautiful, kind, loving grandmother gets behind the wheel of a car and she becomes Cruella De vil!  And she ain't playing!  She will run you down.

Oh no! You cut her off
by pulling into her lane five miles from her.
You are done for.

Plus, old people love to talk to you.  I actually love this part about old people.  It makes me feel more normal.  But they start talking to my already too friendly youngest daughter and I've gotta stand there for hours at a time as to not interrupt their conversation.  A lot of times I just wanna set my kids at the front of target with a little old man and just let them get to it while I get some shopping done.  (Also, not okay.)

And don't get me started on tantrums!  When an old person can't use their coupon?  Oh, forget it.  My son just watches them and picks up as many pointers as he can get.  

OOOKAAAAAY!

All these comparisons made me realize a few things.  First of all, all those people who say that your kids are only young once are lying.  Obviously, if they can make it into old age, they will have the potential to be exactly the same way they are right now.  But more importantly, it made me realize that I need to start acting more like an old person.

I need to start living my life the way my toddler sees it.  Not because I want to make it a lifestyle change but just so I can understand better what my kids are going through.  I spend so much time just watching them and thinking, "I just don't understand you."  If I could start looking at the world with the  wonder and patience as some old people,  I might be able to have the best of both worlds.  The peace of mind that comes with old age and the wonder that comes with youth.

Plus, I'll be able to fart in public and no one will say a thing.

Antenella

*When I say old people I don't mean age.  It's more of a state of mind.  So don't get all offended!  I love old people... just for a very different reason then most.

Things to Never Utter as a Parent. EVER!

Being a parent means to be intimately aware of Murphy's law.  Not only is it true but I would go so far as to say that as soon as a small child is added to the equation it's applications are instantaneous.  For example, my son (what a surprise) refuses to wear his sneakers when we go to pick up his sister from school.  He doesn't want to wear shoes at all.  I tell him that if he is going into a public place he has to wear shoes.  We compromise on his sandals, which I couldn't even get on him on till we were in the parking lot of the school anyway.  I also told him that he can't run around in his sandals because he is going to fall.  And what happens?  I don't even have to tell you,  I'll just post a picture.

Um, yes those are all bandaids.

I don't know if its karma or bad energy or just too much energy but there are just some things you can not say in front of your kids.  (And I'm not talking about the f- word.)  Its always at that very moment you look up from your hectic life and take a deep breath and think, "Hey, I think I've got a handle on this after all."  Hence my newest list of things that any sane parent should never utter aloud.  (ps: the above statement is one of them.  Don't even think it!  Your kids can hear you thinking!!!)

Things to never utter as a parent.  Ever! :

1.  Oh yes, my kids are sleeping through the night:  -  Oh mylanta! you will now spend the next three weeks in a sleep deprived stupor since you even thought these words.  I was on the phone recently and my girlfriend was asking me if my sweet baby angels were sleeping through the night and I stupidly said this!  Like and idiot!  I was tricked I tell you!  Needless to say, my youngest has woken up screaming at 3 in the morning four nights in a row.   My son has woken up twice this week having peed his bed and my oldest has been coming into our room and sleeping on the floor next to us. (sob)

They are so cute when they're sleeping...
unfortunately they never do that.

2.  The kids are being so good!:  - Really?  Who even says this?  These are so rudimentary people!  I'm embarrassed to say that I have even articulated this.  First of all, when can anyone even say this?  My kids are just varying degrees of crazed monkeys, they are never really being "good", just not as bad.  And yet, these words have been said in my household.  Again, lets just say that since uttering this statement my kids have been crying at me non-stop (and when I say non-stop I mean like, no-breaks- constant-if-one-stops-another-one-starts crying) for 6 days straight.

3.  Ice cream  (or sugar of any kind):  - This one always happens by mistake and it's usually because you are stupidly uttering one of the above statements.  It usually goes like this:  "the kids have been so good" or "the kids have been sleeping through the night, lets celebrate by getting ice cream."  and I don't know about you but it's usually because I want ice cream and this is a good way to trick my husband into buying me ice cream.  (Oh yes, I use those kids to my advantage.)  But the problem is that as soon as you say this, your children will turn into starved zombies, hell bent on getting the only thing that can satisfy their blood lust!  If you do not pull into an ice cream place within the next 3 minutes you will spend the entire time listening to bloodcurdling screaming until you want to stab yourself in the eye and swirl your brain around.  And then you will wonder why you even mentioned it in the first place.

Nothing makes them happy.

4. They look so tired!  I'm sure they'll nap:  - This one isn't usually our fault.  Its usually a neighbor or a teacher or a friend without children who say this to you.  It's usually as you are trying to usher your children into the car to get home for naps while praying they doze just enough that you can get them to their rooms and into bed but not enough that they'll wake up as soon as you turn the engine off in the driveway.  You might as well just turn to that neighbor or teacher or stupid friend and say, "Thanks for offering to watch them for the next four hours.  Mommy's gonna be at the bar... drinking... early."

and last but definitely not least,

5. Oh yes, we are completely potty trained:  - Are you kidding!?  I just have to take a moment and smack myself in the face for even thinking that this was okay to say... EVER!  I'm not kidding when I tell you that I was expressing this very thought at the same moment my son decides to pull down his pants and start peeing in the center of the circle of respectable ladies I was talking too.  Did I mention also that this was in my living room? Oh yeah.  Don't ever say this!!

And there you have it.  Another non-exhausted list of things to never ever EVER say Ever!  I unfortunately am going to have another week from hell because I read this post out loud in order to proof-read it.  Pray for me!

Antenella