Appreciation

Being a stay at home parent is... well, hard!  As I'm sure most of you have discovered all too quickly.   Gone are the days of running errands in a timely manner or sitting down to eat.  Like at a table with a chair and everything.  Even a trip to the public restroom has become the most foul event you will ever have to encounter.  You're grumpy, you're tired, you're in the same pants you've been wearing for three weeks because the only laundry you've had time to do is your kids and you are just overwhelmed!

Not only is it all consuming, with nothing but round robins of "mommy, I want" playing in the background, it's also very isolating.  So isolating.   Because no body wants to hang out with you when you have kids.  No one!  Don't kid yourself.  Even all those awesome people that do tolerate your kids just to see you, if given a choice would definitely chose to see you without your kids.

In fact, if you are anything like me, as soon as your friend leaves your presence they solemnly swear to never ever have kids if they can help it.  And some times they will be so pleasant as to tell you this revelation while your kids are crying at your feet or asking you to wipe their bum or some other activity that is just as degrading.  What are you supposed to say to that anyway?  Yeah, don't have kids or you'll end up just as miserable as I am?

Don't get me wrong.  My kids are out of control.  I get that.  Trust me!  If I had the choice I would much rather do almost anything without my kids as well.   So I'm not blaming or judging or being unrealistic about the way people should see my kids.  (A big thank you, to all those awesome people in my life who have stuck it out despite the crying.)  But it's still kind of sad.  I guess it's because my kids are really awesome!  For the most part, I think they're fun and cute and full of funny remarks that totally embarrass me in public.  But I feel like no one gets to see.

Mostly because any time anyone wants to talk to me my son decides he's going to play the 'lets see how long I can cry at the top of his lungs for' game and if he out lasts me, he wins a prize!  Its usually a spanking and time out but I guess a prize is a prize and it's all about finishing strong anyway.  So I don't really get to talk to anyone for very long.  It just kinda gets... loud.

For example, I was on the phone with my hubby recently while he was on his lunch break.  (Can you imagine getting a lunch break?)  I was trying to decipher for him the insanity that is the VPK program in south florida with an element of speech therapy thrown in. (It's a blog in and of itself)  I've spent the last two days coming to the conclusion that I should have started this process three months ago while trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do for my daughter next year without having to spend a grand in child care.  Lets just say, it doesn't make any sense and any time you think you've got it, it gets confusing again.  Just like having kids!  It never really changes.

So I'm on the phone trying to give him numbers, locations and budgets and I'm throwing out words like voucher and lotteries and iep's.  All the while I'm pulling out of the parking lot, the kids are whining for water and Justin Bieber and old mcDonald fries.  As I'm talking I break into a coughing fit that ends up being 3 minutes long, because of course, I'm sick.  (That makes my life so much easier, because just like a non-existant lunch break, I also get no sick days)  So finally my husband says, "Lets just talk tonight."

"But this is my life!"  I blurt out angrily.

Woah...

The reason it hurts is because he unwittingly touched on something that I feel I get from a lot of people.

"I don't have time for you."
"Your lifestyle is too loud and confusing for me"
"I don't think that you are worth putting in the effort"

He didn't say that.  In fact, I doubt very much that he would mean that at all since he's married to me and there is no getting out of that.  (Especially when he's lassoed me with three kids)  But that's the feeling I get.

I remember before I had kids, I tried desperately to stay connected with one of my girlfriends who has four kids.  It was hard but I always made the effort to call or hang out even with all the confusion.  My husband asked me one day why I even bothered if she was too busy to hang out with me.  I told him exactly what I want to tell my friends now.  "Because her friendship was worth it to me."

I promise it won't always be this way!  The kids will grow up, they won't need me to be the center of their universe and I will be able to live again.  Then I will be able to listen to your boyfriend stories or work drama without having to stop you every two seconds to address hitting or pushing or biting.

I won't have to interrupt your ranting about your boss because some one just wants to be held or wants me to kiss a boo boo or hold their doll while they try to feed it a bottle.  One day there won't be noses to wipe or skinned knees or tear streaked faces.  One day everyone will be able to sit at a restaurant table without crayons and make it through a whole meal without having to be taken to the bathroom 3 times or eating their weight in oyster crackers.

One day the reasons I live will grow up and then I'll have all the time in the world.

But my world will be pretty empty....

Be patient with me and tell your mommy friend that you appreciate them even amongst all the confusion.

Antenella