My House Hates Me

Selling your house is probably one of the most stressful experiences that the average person will ever have to go through.  How fortunate for me!  How is it that everything goes wrong just as you are planning on selling?  I swear, its as if my house is a jealous girlfriend that knows I'm going to break up with her so it's making my life a living hell, mostly because she knows I've got some floozy waiting in the wings.  In which case, she would be right because we already put an offer on another house.  Slut!  (Me, not the house)

Anyway, it seems as if all the stars have aligned to make selling our house a disaster.  As if having to show a house with three kids under 4 isn't enough to send you into an early grave, now everything in your house is going to break down.

Sprinkler system?  Check.
Garage door?  Check.
Garbage disposal?  Check.
Car breaking down? ...  Oh, yeah.  Our vehicles even got in on the protest action.  (They're like the irrationally loyal friends of the jealous girlfriend)

I hear this happens a lot to people who are trying to sell.  It's almost as if God is asking you how much you want it.  I was talking with another girlfriend of mine who was in the middle of selling her house and her check list was roughly the same.  So we're swapping horror stories, trying to one up each other and I pull out the winner.  I say, 'oh yeah?  well did your house catch on fire?'

... I wish I was making this up.  But then it wouldn't be my life, which is way better then any fiction you could come up with on your own.

So, I'm in my kitchen working on some crafting project and I'm trying to close an eye hook pendant with my teeth when I realize I should just get the pliers out of the garage.  Duh!  So I walk myself over to the garage door, open it up and is greeted with a face full of smoke.  Not just a little wisp, I'm talking full on girl-scout-somebody-dropped-their-hot-dog-in-the-campfire smoke.

Well, crap!

So' nuff

I quickly close the door and grab my cell phone and call 911.  The dispatcher answers and asks me for my emergency and I'm all like:
'My garage is on fire and I don't know why.'
'Don't worry, we're sending a fire truck over.  Get everyone out of the house.'

And you know you're a mom when your kid is napping and 911 tells you to get everyone out of the house and you're all like 'do I wake them or should I just wait until they get here?'

...

Calm down!  I got everyone out of the house.  My son was losing his mind because he wanted to watch Thomas the train.  Really?  Your house is on fire.  I'm sure Thomas can wait.  I pacify him with the prospect of real life fire trucks coming to our house.

that little jerk is going to make us all burn to death!

Sure enough we can hear the trucks coming and as they start to pull into my neighborhood I'm starting to get a little nervous.  It wasn't just one truck, it was one truck after another.  Three fire trucks and two paramedic trucks later I start to panic. What if this is a bigger deal then I'm picturing?  What if they open up the garage and it's billowing with smoke and flames?  What if it hits the container of gasoline?  omg.

I am trying to sell this house!!  I am still under contract!

I look down at my son and his face is lit up like a Christmas tree.  Firetrucks everywhere?!  He has the coolest mom EVER!!

The firemen get out of the trucks in their gear complete with fire axe, they open up the fire hydrant across from my house and now I'm not just thinking about fire damage but water damage.  ERMERGED!!

Six guys trudge into my house and open the garage door.  Smoke comes pouring out of it and of course you can't just get into my garage.  Oh no.   Of course not, because my sister happened to be in town just long enough to fill my garage with all her stuff.  Fantastic.

So now I've got about 20 guys unloading my garage trying to locate where the smoke is coming from.  Meanwhile, my son is having the time of his life and laughing and running around and looking at the firetrucks and talking to anyone that would listen.  Best mom ever!!

Anyway, all of this drama to find out that my washing machine had broken and the belt was spinning so fast it was going to catch on fire.  Hurray for the fire department!!

So now I get to add yet another thing to my to-do list.

Washing machine?  Check.

Antenella