Totally Inappropriate

 So, I have come to realize that I need Jesus more then anyone else because I am kind of a bad person inside.  I know this.  I have come to this conclusion shortly after having kids and I have even learned to embrace this revelation and claim it as my very own.  If nothing else it makes me realize that I am not God and that I need a good, patient and graceful God because I am a complete basket case.

But this isn't about my dependency on the All-Mighty.  This is about the terrible things-that-I-say-but-really-shouldn't-say-and-I-know-I-shouldn't-say-but-I-do-anyway phrases that I have grown accustom to using...  toward my kids... or about my kids.  The kind of things that make you say "Hmmm" or "Oh my!" or "Maybe we should call child services".

Mmmmm Hmmm!

I can't be the only one that wants to strangle their kids on a daily basis!  (See!  I did it just there.)  Even though I adore my kids and they drive me absolutely insane there are just some things that is not socially acceptable to say to them or about them, especially in public.

My oldest daughter is entering her fantastic fours, which is a totally miss titled name for this age group. It should still start with an F but it should be closer to a four letter word with an ING at the end of it.  (See!  Totally inappropriate, but true.)

Anyway, she has been a very difficult child as of late and it seems to be showing on my face because I recently dropped my beautiful baby angels off at the YMCA and the ladies that worked there asked, with concern, if I was okay.
"I'm okay," I say "I'm just ready to slit my own wrists."

Well, this is one of those things that you can think all you want but don't say it out loud people!!  Just don't!  These wonderfully kind ladies who help me raise my children and honestly do I better job of it then I do, ushered my babies into the child area and then tell me that everything will be okay.  That I just need to burn off some steam and not to worry about anything.  Go and relax!

Bless them!  They care about me so much.

But it made me realize that I say a lot of things that are highly inappropriate when it comes to my kids.  Is this normal?  Is this okay?  Am I the only one that feels this way?

I'll just give you some highlights of some of the things I think and probably shouldn't say out loud...  But I do.

1. Shoot me now.
2. I hate my life.
3. Mommy needs more Vodka
4. For your own safely you need to go to your room (when addressing my children)

and always, the tried and true,

5. Miming of pulling a trigger to an imaginary gun pressed against my own skull.  Some times I put it in my mouth for added affect.

Inappropriate

Holy Crap!  I just read over this list and I am both highly amused and slightly concerned that someone is going to call Child Services on me.  But I must assure you that I don't actually believe any of the things that I say.  And I know some one is going to get all positive thinking on me.  Remember that words have power and if you speak these things into the universe... blah blah blah.

But honestly, some times I just need a release!  Some times I just have to call it what it is, and most of the time it is over dramatic and totally ill-advised and maybe a little bit scary. But you know what it mostly does?  It makes me laugh and then I don't feel so bad.

And at the end of the day if I can still laugh, I'm doing alright.

Antenella

ps: Please don't call child services on me... thank you.