It's All Politics

I had the pleasure of meeting the most beautiful baby girl today!  Yes, she is a doll.  Her mother is a goddess and I just couldn't watch the two together without tearing up at the beauty that was this spectacular version of mother and daughter.

... It also made me remember all the stupid things people used to say to me when I was a brand new mom.

It came crashing back to me as an old women had finished talking to the glowing mother and bid her adieu by saying "That's how I leave my grand kids.  I love them then leave them!"  Ha ha.  That is so funny. (insert sarcasm)  I love how you can belittle the love a mother has for her kids by saying you can just love them one moment then not care about there existence the next.

Okay, Okay.  That's a bit of a stretch for the-most-stupid-thing-to-say-to-a-new-mom but it still bothered me.  Maybe it was because the comment previous was a questioning of if she was nursing or not.  That's when it all came back...

Why is it that the moment you become a mother everyone and their mom wants to tell you what to do?  Like you're just an ignorant fool with absolutely no common sense when it comes to your newborn.  I mean sure, as a new mom, most of us haven't the slightest idea of what we're doing.  But to bombard us with loaded question after loaded question just isn't fair.

Its like becoming the president!  On the very first day, everyone want to "inform" you of what's going on and how they have been handling the world affairs until you got there.  But what they are really doing, is telling you how it should be and how you should be handling every situation and if you don't agree with the powers that be, you are doing it wrong and everybody will hate you!

Side note: You couldn't pay me enough to be president.

It's all politics when it comes to a new baby.  Seemingly simple questions will force you to defend your every belief!  It seems like people are asking you questions about your new bundle of joy but what they are really doing is gauging where you will rank in the new hierarchy of motherhood.  Every question is like an option poll.  What are her beliefs as new mom?  What does she think is important?  What are the issues?  Here are a few of my favorites, how they sound and what they are really saying.

What's the baby's name?  Seemingly a simple question.  After all, it's their name and there really is no wrong answer.  That's where you would be... WRONG!!  What ever you have chosen for you bundle of bliss will be beautiful and perfect as long as the person you are telling agrees with you.  I can't tell you the crap I got when I called my son Hawkins.  "What kind of name is Hawkins?" said my mother.  Oh yeah, everyone's a critic.

If it's too obscure people will think you are granola, if it's to common they will think you are boring, if it's non traditional they will think you are pretentious, if it is traditional they will think you are uptight.  But what's in a name?

Are you ready for another?  Bitch, please.  Can I at least wait for the stitches to heal before I start tearing my body up again?  Careful!  This is another trick question.  If you say no, you will get a lot of grief over the fact that its not good for the child to be alone and how important it is for them to have a sibling.  Studies have shown how affective it is for them to learn and grow and become the doctor in the family you've always wanted.

If you say yes, you will get the: dear lord, slow down and enjoy this one first before you have to divide your love and attention on the needs of yet another child!  Studies have shown that if they don't get that individual attention then they will grow up to be nothing but sex crazed maniacs!

Are you nursing?  Talk about a loaded question.  And just like "Gay Rights" everyone's got an option!  If you simple say yes, you will get a whole diatribe about how hard it is and how it really isn't that important or that studies have shown that the baby will get sick anyway so why kill yourself to feed him 24/7 and shouldn't your husband attempt to help you at all?!

Were as, if you say, No.  God help you.  You will be judged!  Judged!!!  To no extent!  They will sit there and ask you what you are thinking and have you even considered the implications of not breastfeeding and the next thing you know you will be facing a life of your child becoming a pregnant teenage drug addict that wanted nothing more then the liquid gold of her mothers milk!

The real kicker is that when you are going through it, you don't even realize that these are all trick questions.  You just assume the good of people and think that they actually care about you and what you have to say about the joy of being a new mom.  You only start to see it for what it truly is after the fact.  When you start to get defensive when people start asking you questions and you don't even know why.  You start to shy away from giving the real answers and instead give them the politically correct one that usually ends with a polite chuckle.  I tell you NO!

Stand up for what you believe in!  You tell them what you really think!  You let them know why you decide not to breastfeed or why you took the family name, and if they didn't want your option then they shouldn't have asked you for it.

Antenella