What Do I Tell My Kid?

I remember when I used to be young and naive and judgmental.  It actually wasn't that long ago.  But as I get older and add more children, I have started to realize how ludicrous a lot of my thought processes were.  I've changed.  A lot.

I am embarrassed to admit that I used to agree with the right wing conservatives of the "sanctity of marriage" and how the "Gays" were destroying everything. Blah, blah, blah.  Besides, what was I supposed to tell my children?  As if it Wouldn't it be confusing enough to explain sexuality to my imaginary (at the time) 4 year old without having to explain girl-on-girl or guy-on-guy involvement as well?

Needless to say, I have changed.  I have learned the error of my ways.  But most importantly, I'm just tired.  They say to pick and chose your battles and with kids I realize that there are just too many battles to fight.

If my kid wants to love someone of the same sex I just don't have the conviction to fight that battle anymore.  If they love them and that person treats them with the same love and dignity that my husband treats me, that's all I can ask for in my children's spouse.

But this post isn't about gay rights or making my political statements about them, its about a conversation I had with my (no longer imaginary) 4 year old daughter.

I shall title it:
What do I tell my kid? : A simple look at the complexity of explaining the subtlety of homosexuality to your child.

Princess: Mommy, that girl in my class says she has a girlfriend.
I glance over in the direction she is pointing and find a bouncy blond little girl about my daughters age.
Me:  That's good.
Princess:  But she said she has a girlfriend!
Me: You mean she has a friend who is a girl?
Princess:  I don't know, she said girlfriend.
She makes a point of holding out the "url" sound in a sing song voice.
Me: Yes, you said that.  What do you think she means when she said she has a girlfriend?
My oldest looks down looking a little embarrassed
Me: Do you think of your aunty Chiara and her girlfriend?
(Yes, my sister is a lesbian!  Yay!  I am officially the united nations.)
My oldest nods.
Me: Some times we call our friends girlfriend or boyfriends depending on if they are a girl or a boy.  Mrs. Brandy is my girlfriend because she is a girl, and Mr. Rory is my boyfriend because he's a boy.
Princess: Your boyfriend?!  What about daddy?
Me: He's my husband.  Some times when people say girlfriend or boyfriend they are also mean that this person is special to them like a husband or a wife would be, like your aunty Chiara.  But normally, if it's a girl in your class she's probably talking about her friend who happens to be a girl.
Princess: Oh.  Can I get a milkshake from McDonalds?

End Scene

Two things:
1.  I never thought I was going to have to explain homosexuality in reverse.  Where my child already knows about homosexuality and is confused by the reference of girlfriends as it's intended purpose.
And 2.  That wasn't so hard after all.

Here's to my sister for making things easier
instead of harder, then I thought
it would be.

Antenella