My Job

Recently, I had this question posed to me by my son:

"Mommy, why don't you never notice spider webs and pretty flowers?"

My first reaction was, 'You are 3, how do you know how to use the word 'notice' correctly in a sentence?' but it was my second reaction that I found most enlightening.

It wasn't a reaction exactly, it was more of the non-reaction that I was surprised by.  I simply told him:

'It's not my job to notice those things.  It's your job to notice them and then point them out to me so I don't miss it."

It was the most freeing experience I have ever had as a parent!

Only afterwards did I realize what exactly had transpired.  I had finally given myself permission to not be the end-all-be-all to my children.

There are tons of mommy-blogs and articles about the majesty of childhood and as the adult we need to show our children all the beautiful things that make this world worth living in.  But honestly, all those statements about making the most out of every minute and stopping to smell the flowers, just makes me feel terrible.  It becomes just one more thing I have to do for my kids that I am failing at.

I wish I noticed those things!  I really do!  I wish I notice the way the sun hits the leaves in just the right way as it's setting, that causes the trees to light up in a complete spectrum of greens and golds.   It's not that I don't choose to.  It's that I literally can't.  Because, If I am outside at the magical hour of sunset, I am probably outside watching my kids play in front of my house while all the commuters are coming home from a long day and I have to make sure that my kids aren't run over by an exhausted and distracted neighbor.

My job as a mother is to keep my kids safe.  So if it's a matter of pointing out the sun hitting the clouds in the sky causing it to explode into a cascade of color or make sure that they are wearing their helmet while on their bikes... I'm gonna have to go with the latter.

Does that make me a fun mom?  Or a cool mom?  Probably not.  But that's not my job.  My job is to love and care for my children, to keep them clean and feed, to hold them when they cry, to sooth them when their scared and to have a band-aid on hand for emergencies.  My job is to teach them responsibility.  Whether that means I teach them to clean their rooms, do the laundry, load the dishwasher or do their homework.  My job is to get them from point A to point B in a timely manner, relatively dressed and possibly with a snack.  My job as a mother is to make sure that they are ready for the world when I can not longer be there for them.

My job is to teach them to exist without me.

My job is to not be the final say on all things that are good in the world for my children.  My job is not to create special holiday's and force magical moments in an attempt to bolster their zeal for life.  My job is not to point out all the glory that is an entire community of black ants working together for the greater good.

That's their job.

Just as we have responsibilities to our children, our children have responsibilities to us.  It is their job to pull us out of the mundane of life's routine and show us the beauty that is our planet.  It is their job to glory in the simple, reveal in the impossible and praise the brilliance of the world around us!

It's their job to remind us why we love the life we've been given, not the other way around.

If I can be honest, the job of keeping my kids alive and happy is a full time position without having to add any extra responsibilities.   So no, I don't feel guilty when my children ask me why I failed to notice the worm crawling through the grass.

I have resigned myself to the fact that they are much better at their job then I am and to take it from them would be doing them a great disservice.


Antenella