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| Yes, this white momma is braiding her black babies hair. Deal with it! |
1. People ask me if I babysit?
2. Old people do a lot of open mouthed staring when I walk into a store.
3. There is a lot of confusion among the people around me if she walks more then two feet in front of me.
4. People have asked me where her mom is.
5. People have asked me if I was going to be open with her about her adoption. (I'm pretty sure she's going to figure it out)
6. People have told me that she has my eyes...
7. If my daughters hair is not "did" everyday, inevitably that one day will be the day that I get a dozen business cards from ladies that do "our-kind-of-hair"
8. People ask if I feel like she's really mine... (I don't even know what to make of that one) I usually just tell people "Well, I should hope so! I bought her!"
9. I have seen my 5 year old tell many a child that it is I who is her sisters mother.
10. People ask if she looks like her father... Sometimes I say yes. (What? She could, I don't know...)
Not to mention all the normal questions that you will be answering every single time you are in an area that is shared by any person other then your family. "When did you get her? How does she fit in? Do the other kids accept her? Did you get her from Africa? What are you going to do with her hair? How much did she cost?"
It can start to feel like you are the butt of one bad racist joke after another but really people want to know. I'm amazed at how foreign adoption still is to most people. I don't mind that they ask questions. Really! I love to tell people our story. (Mostly because I love to talk about myself and I do come into this story pretty often) The only time it starts to become daunting is when people around me start to see my youngest daughter as a communal child.
I don't think people are consciously doing this. In fact, it took me a long time to even identify this phenomenon myself! But it is something that I have to deal with everyday of my parenting life.
People don't really see my youngest child for what she is. MY CHILD. She is not a toy, she is not an anomaly, she's not a pet. She is a child. My child and I don't appreciate people thinking that they know better then I do when it comes to her best interests.
Again, it's not like people are trying to be mean or tell me how to raise my kid but they unwillingly give into her and therefore can undo a lot of the parenting I have tried desperately to instill in her. Basic things:
1. Don't talk to strangers: I have complete and random people pick up my kid all the time! Mostly, it's because they think she's lost and she is asking them to pick her up, but still! Would you pick up someone else's kid? Ever?
2. Don't take candy from strangers: My youngest gets so much free stuff, its unbelievable! I know she's adorable and all but there is a reason why I am not giving her any snacks until lunch time. So you, nice lady in the park who thinks you are doing the friendly thing, please don't give my kid goldfish even if she asks for them. I'm trying to teach her that creepers like you might be lacing that stuff with crack and I don't want her to die from stupidly taking food from strangers.
3. Don't fake cry: It's really hard to teach this one considering any time she makes a sad face she gets more attention then Brittany Spears getting out of her car without underwear. I have literally watched her walk into the middle of a crowded room and start to "cry" and every single person there jumps to her aid. Usually by a) picking her up or b) giving her food.
I get that she's cute and adorable and super light and soft and she smells like coconut but at the end of the day she's mine. I have to take her home, I have to undo all the good intended spoiling the community has show her and I have to teach her how the world really works.
You can't cry to get your way, People aren't going to give you things just because your cute and you have to be a willing participant of society to reap the benefits of it. But until every Tom, Dick and Harry stop acting like her grandmother, complete with candies in her pocket, I can't teach her anything!
So, if you want to raise a beautiful baby that looks nothing like you then leave mine alone and go buy your own Nubian Princess!
Like a normal person!
Antenella
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