Parenting Advice from Disney

If you are like me and you have children of any age living in your house, then the probability of you being exposed to the Disney phenomena known as "Frozen" is pretty inevitable.  This thing is cray cray!  I mean, I hear grown adults humming the songs to themselves while standing in line at Publix... without kids!  It has become what "The little Mermaid" was to all of us little girls growing up in the 90's.  For example:

"Look at this stuff,
Isn't it neat?"

Wish I could be...

You know you sang those two lines in your head... and now you are desperately trying to keep yourself from singing the song in its entirety at the top of your lungs.  (Paola, I give you full permission to do so.  Especially if you are within range of my husband.)

Either way, most people have seen, if not heard of frozen and because I'm the biggest dork in the world I get on pintrest and look up every single fan theory that could be circulating about the in's and out's of the characters and why they do the things that they do and so on and so forth.  (Don't judge.)

One of the revelations about the movie was that for the first time in a Disney movie, the characters had to deal with mental abuse from the hands of their parents.  It talked about how this was a huge step in bringing awareness to the plight of so many children dealing with the emotional scarring of abuse in their very homes.  And for a moment, I totally agreed.

 In fact when I saw the movie in the theater with all of my kids, I sat wide eyed and slack jawed at the obvious ignorance of these parents that spent their entire screen-time on shaming their eldest daughter for being who she was.  I was appalled.

Afterwards, I was shocked by how subtle the injury was to the child.  Most people I talked to didn't even notice the slight of hand from the storytellers.  Which I think makes the reality of abused children all that more damaging.  Especially for emotionally abused children.  It goes unnoticed.

Uh uh

Then I had the fortune to read a statement that was a defense of this concept of abuse in the movie.  That it wasn't in fact abuse, it was loving but desperate parents who were doing the best they could do with the information that they were given.

Great!  So what I'm learning is that not matter what I do, I will inevitably screw up my kids so royally  that they could have the potential to send in the second ice age.  (Fantastic, as if I wasn't already second guessing every action I take towards my children.)

But I have my own theories.  (So take that, pintrest freaks!)

I realize that the second opinion was much more likely.  That these parents were just out of their realm of knowledge and they were just operating under the orders of the specialists. (Trolls)  They did everything they could as parents and wanted nothing more then to protect their children.  Both of them!  And if it meant secluding one child from humanity, so be it. (Makes total sense)

This speaks to me as a parent because I have been there.

I have had situations where I am at my wits end and I am told by someone I trust, whether it be a doctor, a teacher or a friend; to do one thing or another for my child and to just stick to it.  Do not give in.  Stay strong.  Stay consistent.  Does any of this sound familiar to you?  Whether it was potty training or dealing with a biter, we've all been told the same thing.  Pick a form of discipline and stick to it.   Well, guess what.

We've been lied to!

Just like Elsa's parents, we believe that our child will learn the same way everyone else child learned and some times that's just not the case!

I have learned the hard way that parenting isn't broken up into "correct" and "downright wrong" categories.  In reality, the concept of "correct" parenting have changed so dramatically in so few years that the moral compass is permanently skewed if not completely destroyed.  (Remember the paddle in school?  Yeah, not so much anymore.)

So, who is the judge of what is the right form of teaching/disciple/raising our children?  Is it our doctor?  (Lets see how many people agree/disagree with vaccines).  Baby books?  I would have to say no, since most of the ones I've read make me wonder if the authors have ever even seen a child.  What about your parents?  ...Stop laughing...

The point I'm trying to make is that there is no "Right" way of parenting when it comes to our children!  Parenting is a constant changing game of chance.  Something what works one way for one child may not translate for the next one.  So what if your baby books say that "getting down on their level" is the only safe and efficient course of discipline", if it doesn't work, It doesn't matter.

We have to be willing to change our perspective, our actions our preconceived notions of what we think is the best and only way of parenting.  And damn what other people think!

Before I had children I had a list of things I would never do or say to them.  "That wouldn't fly in my house!" was a constant mantra of mine, until... that is, I actually had a child.  Now, most anything flies in my house.  Because if one thing doesn't work, I'm willing to try anything else!

But what does this have to do with our new favorite disney movie?

I believe that the actions of the parents were nothing less then abusing but I don't believe that the crimes of the parents were emotional abuse.  I believe it was self indulgence.  Their concern of looking like unfit parents is whats really to blame.  It was their unwillingness to look outside themselves in fear of what others would think that stopped them from truly helping their daughter.

Closing all the doors and windows, allowing only a limited amount of people in and out of their lives was their idea of protecting their children.  Keeping everything inside, hiding their true selves from the world.  Don't we do this as parents... sometimes?  Trying to look like we have it all together?

Whether they realized it or not, these loving and concerned parents were modeling the very thing that was keeping their eldest so fearful and therefore, dangerous.  They were pretending to be something they weren't.  Unwilling to change the status quo, all for the sake of their children.  But was it really what was best for them?
  
Anyone with eyes could see that neither one of their children were thriving.  They weren't even happy.  They were just existing and it was the parents unwillingness to show transparency that caused the emotional turmoil to their family.

The reason parenting is hard is because it is the ultimate death-to-self.  In order to do our job properly we have to empty all that we are and then be willing to fill back up with ideas and theories that are not our own.  Because if we don't, we will fail to grow, to learn and accept that the world may be different then we had originally imagined.

But most importantly, we have to learn to ignore the voice that says: "What will people think?"

We are the best parents that can raise our children.   Let us not let the influence of outside voices keep us from doing anything and everything for the sake of loving and protecting our children.

We can all glean a little parenting advice from the masterminds at Disney.  Maybe in order to keep our relationships with our own children from turning into a frozen wasteland, we should first learn to...

let it go.
(see what I did there?)


Antenella