Am I Pretty?

This past week I've noticed that there has been a lot of conversation about the detrimental effects of telling your daughter she is pretty.  Apparently, there have been a lot of specialists coming to the conclusion that if we tell our daughters or little girls in general, that they are pretty, they will never identify themselves with anything other then their looks.  When approaching a little girl, the first thing out of your mouth should be a greeting and not an immediate commentary on how cute her clothes, hair or shoes are. To express the beauty in a little girl as being more important then say, her reading abilities is a blatant undermining of her intelligence and you should be ashamed of yourself in doing so.  Whatever happened to women's lib?

I say this with a little tongue in cheek because I personally think this is the most moronic thing I have ever heard coming out of the parenting world...so far.  (And they have come up with some doosies)  Let me start off by saying that I do understand, to an extent, what these specialist are trying to say.  They are basically trying to tell us as parents in a very confusing way that we need to instill in our daughters the importance of things other then our looks.  That we shouldn't define ourselves only by the way we style our hair or the clothes that we wear.  What happens if we have get a bad hair cut or can't afford the newest fashions?  Do these things take away from our worth as women?  Of course not, but if that is all we have been taught to think of as important and we can't identify ourselves with say our personality, or hobbies or dare I say, our relationship with God then we may crumble when we get a killer pimple in the middle of our precious visage.  I get that...

But really?

To not tell our daughters they are beautiful would be doing them a much greater disservice.  Let me start with the basics.  Say I'm a women (which I am) and I wanted to have other women friends (which I do)  what would be the best way to ingratiate myself to said women?  To compliment them!  Obviously.  Who doesn't like a person who says something nice about you?  And how many times have you started a conversation with a complete stranger by saying "oh my gosh!  I love your ______ .  Where did you get them?"  Fill in the blank.  Shoes, purse, dress, shirt, hair...the list goes on.  And what is the reaction you get?  I huge smile, a look of gratitude and a freely given location and price of said item.  You not only made her day but you also found a great deal in the process!  Win-win, I say and why?

Because we as women are built to want to be pretty!  And not just pretty, but to be noticed!  I feel that since I've become a mother I want even more to be pretty.  I want to be pretty for my kids, for my husband, for myself.  And not because I have some unhealthy idea of only identifying myself with my looks but because I believe that my family deserves a stunning mother and wife.  They are worth being beautiful for.  And I'm not talking hair and makeup.  Because, lets be honest, who's got time for that crap.  I want to be happy.  Audrey Hepburn has been quoted in saying that:  "The happiest girls are the prettiest girls" and it's the truth!

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Maybe I feel so strongly about this because as a child no one ever stopped me to tell me I was pretty.  My younger sister was the beautiful one and she got it all the time.  Imagine going through most of your life where people only noticed you because you paled in comparison to some one else.  Sad right?  Well it would have been except for the fact that both my parents would continually tell me I was beautiful.  They said I had the most beautiful smile, my hair was so long and shinny, my eyes sparkled when I talked.  I don't think there was a day that went by that I wasn't told that I was pretty by either my mom or my dad.  And I am forever grateful to them for it.

There was a long time where I didn't believe I was pretty at all.  I was never someone any one ever wanted to date or even had an interest in.  When it was really bad I was barked at.  (Yeah, like a dog)  But I always came home to a loving family that would replenish me up with words of beauty so that I would be able to make it another day.

We as women want to be pretty!  It's not something we learn, it's something we're born with.  And there is nothing wrong with that!  It is the way we were wired.  It's the way God wanted us to be.  God loves beauty, so he made women and am not going to be guilted into taking that away from my daughter just because some pediatric psychotics specialists decided it was causing teen girls to get nose rings or tattoos. We've become so concerned with making sure that our daughters are something other then beautiful that we've taken it away from them all together.  Instead we should be teaching them what beauty is and how it is defined.

As a parent of a daughter that is my job.  Beauty is not make up, clothes or hair it is the way her skin shimmers in the ocean or the way the sun catches her eyes or the way she looks when she sings to herself.  That is beauty!  When I see the truth of who she really is.  When I get a glimpse of the holiness inside of her.  It is when she is so confident in our acceptance and love for her that she positively glows!  That is what we should be telling our daughters.  Not that their motor skills are impressive, or her athletics are good but that they are the most beautiful things we have ever laid our eyes on!  

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And why should we tell them this?  Because that's what they want to hear!  And if we don't tell them, then someone else will and that may lead to even bigger problems. Women will devote themselves to those that feed this simple desire.  Our daughters want to be told they're pretty, noticed, special and I ask you, what's wrong with that?

Antenella