I wasn't prepared to deal with the same self-concious feeling I got in middle school. The feeling of being judged on my clothes, my hair, the way I laughed or walked or even my choice of television shows. I thought this was all in the past. I managed to muddle through middle-school and high-school to emerge as a pretty confident butterfly throughout my college and young adult years... Then I had kids. That's when the judging started all over again. Only this time people are judging me on the one thing I want so desperately to be good at. Being a good mom.
It wasn't so bad with my daughter. Probably because she was the angel of all newborns. She nursed great and sleep through the night in the first three weeks. I could take her shopping, out to lunch with friends, go to the beach and all I would get is ooh's and ahh's of how beautiful she was. Her hair, her eyes and "oh what a good baby!" I loved going out, even to target. (And let's be honest. What mom doesn't love target?) Those where the days I could still take a shower and do my hair. Sigh.
Then I had my son...
Let's just say my son is not so even keel as my daughter was. And lets also assume that my daughter is no longer that sweet cherubim of a new born baby and is now old enough to know what she wants and is willing to throw a rock star fit in order to get it. Let the judgment commence!
If you're a mom you can probably relate to this; let's set the stage.
Scene I:
Int. Random commercial shopping chain:
It's a blustery rainy day on the outskirts of a boring no mans land called Mommyland. Enters mommy who has be stuck in the house with her two children whom which are surly and downright miserable. The smallest child starts crying. A scream pierces the once quite air. The fellow customers jump in shock to find out where the inevitably injured child is located. They see a washed out woman. Her hair hasn't been brushed and her cloths have drool stains on each shoulder. She is trying to get milk and eggs into her cart with out falling over from exhaustion. The onlookers start to get nervous from the constant crying.
Now I have one of two choices. I can either reprimand my irritated child or I can ignore him. Either one will get a "if looks could kill" reaction. Let us go through this exercise and try each of our options together, shall we? Option 1: Spanking*. (ie reprimanding) Now, when I say spank I'm talking a tap. (I'm more into the humiliation of it then the actual physical pain. It's all about crushing they're little defiant soul when it comes to being reprimand, am I right?) I use this option pretty often, I gotta be honest. One time I used it on my daughter and I got an audible gasp from the lady next to me.
I didn't even look at her. I didn't want to get the lecture of how terrible I am to my children and that she has it in her right mind to call child services and all that crap. Some people don't subscribe to that kind of parenting, I get that. But I do, so BACK OFF!
Option 2: Ignoring them. This is a true story. I'm in the mall (I hate the mall) during Christmas (especially during christmas) and my kids are starving. So, I take them to the food court. My son starts wailing. (He's a wailer) I'm in line trying to get noodles for me and the kids and "the boy" is just losing it in his stroller. I can either pick him up and try to carry him, the stroller, the food and my daughter over to the nearest table all the while he will be flailing like Kim Kardashian trying to spin her sham of a wedding OR I can ignore him. So that's what I did... They guy behind me says, making sure it's loud enough so I could hear. "Why would you let your child scream like that?"
Hulk-Smash.
Damed if you do damed if you don't. The thing that people fail to realize is that just because you've seen the way I interact with my kid for 15 seconds doesn't mean you know what we've been doing for the past 15 hours, or days, or weeks or (one day I'd like to say) years. You, random stranger; weren't there for the sleepless nights when I slept on my daughters floor when she was sick because she would wake up scared. Or the times that I sit on the floor and wrestle my son until he hurts from laughing.
They don't see the times that you are feeding them only healthy foods days in a row, or busting your butt in the kitchen while they sleep because you thought it would be fun to wake them with cookies. Or watching Elmo for the hundredth time because they want you to sit with them. Or the time you've tried desperately to learn all the lyrics to the newest disney movie because your daughter wants you to sing it in the car. Or the hours of play dough, the days at the pool, playing in the park. Or the endless game of hide and seek. The nights where all you want to do is hold them till morning because they are just so tiny and precious in your arms as they sleep and all you can think of is how fleeting these moments are.
So no, random judgmental stranger, that probably doesn't even have any kids or your kids are so bitter against your lack of loving on them that they don't visit you in your Florida retirement home because they have kids and they don't need any more of your crap; no, I am not a perfect parent. But guess what! I know that and I don't need you of all people to tell me. So, as nice as I can put it...
BACK OFF!
Antenella
*I am a firm believer in spanking mostly because it works for me and my kids. If you don't believe in spanking then don't do it. So don't get mad at me because I do. I get enough hate mail as it is, Judgey McJudger:)
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