"Is He Your Only?"

All of you know that I have the most amazing friends imaginable.  (Yes, I am talking about you) and some times those said friends write something magical that I just have to share with everyone!!  This comes from a beautiful, talented and all things awesome friend that is close to my heart. (And not just because she can make a mean Martini)

After hearing about all my craziness with three, this is her struggles as a mother of one.  The grass is always greener on the other side, but it's usually because its covered in poop.

Enjoy!

Antenella

"Is he your only one?"

These are the words I dread to hear more than any others.  As an only child who is a mother to an only child, I hear these things on a daily basis.  From every “well intended” mother/father/grandparent in all of the southern hemisphere.  If you are young and healthy the only acceptable option is to HAVE MORE KIDS.  Not being able to conceive or aging out all together is the ONLY acceptable excuse to not procreate.  Since I find this unacceptable, I have complied a list of the most common and annoying approaches that people have used on me over the last two years just to show how ludicrous the logic is...

#1) The "Ticking Biological Clock":  Apparently every old woman with red lipstick on her teeth can hear my Biological Clock Ticking.  They can never hear me when I'm asking them to move out of the middle of the aisle at Publix.  But my ticking ovaries come in loud and clear (must be picked up by their hearing aid).

Old Lady: “Awe, How old is he?”

Me: “insert age here” (however the age does not matter in the least)

Old Lady: “ Time for another one.”

I am so glad everyone else knows so much about my uterus.  I am so sorry I have offended you by my lack of pregnant belly!

#2) "Time for a Girl":  From the second my child showed his penis to the world, I have heard this brand of bullshit.  I barely had my vagina stitched back together when the nurses at the hospital started this sentiment.  It has since continued from the moment I fastened my "fat pants" and left the hospital:

Typical Girl Mom: “ Girls are the best!”

Me: “Those hair bows must be tuff to keep track of.” (Are they really fucking wearing matching outfits?)

Typical Girl Mom (in matching outfit): “ Well you have a son until he takes a wife, but you have a daughter for life.”

This one makes me want to open up a can of whoop ass on this matching bitch.  So what you get to go shopping and buy pretty pink tutu’s. I get to dig in the dirt and follow the trash truck around the neighborhood.  I love my son more than I love breathing.  So to insinuate that having a boy is not a lifelong relationship breaks my heart.  Don’t ever say this to a “Boy Mom” (even if you think it is true.) EVER!

#3) The "Pregnancy Route":  Every mother really just wants to tell you about her pregnancy/birth story.  I am guilty of this (I believe it is a right of passage).  But these clever devils weave it into a conversation and then BAM, they switch it on you!

Coach Diaper Bag Mom: “Being in such good shape, you must have had the easiest pregnancy?”  (They suck you in with compliments)

Me: Actually I was really sick for like 20 weeks and I never stopped throwing up.  

Coach Diaper Bag Mom:  “Well that shouldn’t stop you from getting pregnant again.  Every pregnancy if different, my 1^st, 2^nd, 3^rd pregnancy, blah, blah, blah.”

Aggggh Really??????  And what if it isn’t perfect the second time around?  Are you going to come to my job and teach twenty 4 year olds, while I am puking my guts out in the corner in a trashcan?  Or maybe I could use your COACH diaper bag if I get the urge.

#4) "Two Kids Are Easier" Approach:  Parents of multiple children love to tell you that having another one will make your life easier.  Because they play together, take care of each other etc…

Suit Dad at Starbucks: “Is he your only one?”

Me: “Yup” (here it comes, dads always say funny shit)

Suit Dad at Starbucks: “You have to have another one, they will entertain each other.”

This one sounds so logical right?  I believe this one is a conspiracy cooked up by parents of multiple children to get parents to unwittingly join their club.  You know, the “Misery Loves Company” saying...  yeah...

How often do their kids really play NICELY with each other?  Because doing everything I do for my kid all day long times 2, will be easier?  Sure it will dad at Starbucks who get to go to his job all day, while his wife watches her children play together "nicely"….

#5) "Only Children Are Selfish":  WTF.  I am an only child, and have lots of not so great qualities but none of them is because I am an only child.  Because I don’t have siblings I can’t comment on how wonderful that relationship is, however, I never grew up thinking I had missed out because I am an "only".  But it doesn't stop the GUILT…

Frumpy Mom (in my lobby): “You are going to give your son a sibling one day?’ (Is this a question or a command?)

Me: “I think we are done, I am an only child and look how great I turned out.”

Frumpy Mom (in my lobby): “The greatest gift I ever gave my children is each other.”

Me: “This is so sweet.” (You know what's sweeter?  If you'd PAY your tuition bitch)

Frumpy Mom (in my lobby): “Sometimes only children think the world revolves around them, you know.”

Me: “Time for class kiddos, let’s Dance!”

This one cuts especially deep.  I feel like society thinks that I am selfish and continuing the trend for denying my son a sibling.  Because having a sibling automatically makes you an unselfish person?  I hope to teach my son that the world does not revolve around him.  And more importantly that not paying for your kids classes makes YOU the selfish asshole.

I've come to realize that being a mom of an only child does not make you a bad person.  Nor does it mean you couldn’t “cut it” as a parent.  No one should be pressured or made to feel bad for having one child.  My son will always be the greatest accomplishment of my life.  Having him completed our little family.  So my new response for all of the nosey people, 

“I stopped at perfection.”

-Happy Mom of One

Join the Giving Revival! -Blessmas 2013

It's that wonderful time of year again!!  Everyone is happy and friendly and Church is all decorated and looking so festive that it makes you feel like a little kid all over again.  The nostalgia of the old fashioned Christmas are fresh in our minds and we are trying desperately to regain the joy of our youth that is so fleeting in our adulthood.

This is what Christmas is gonna look like in
my house this year.

Every year I always feel the need to give back.  I as much as I complain, I do realize that most of my complaints are #whitegirlproblems and there are countries filled with people who would gladly trade my "miserable" life for theirs.  I do believe I have been blessed beyond anything I could have ever hope for and if I could help just one family feel that way, even if it's just for a day, then its a gift I would gladly give.

So here's the deal.  Last week, I alluded to giving you a way to be generous this Christmas.  Give to those that need and all that crap and I gotta admit...  I'm super excited to see how this thing takes off.

A few weeks ago I was in church, (You know how I need me some Jesus) and the pastor was telling this beautiful story of a regular family in our church who decided to pay off someones layaway randomly just in time for Christmas.  Well, they said that it felt so good to give that they ended up paying off 3 or 4 different layaways.  Everyone one clapped and of course was joyous at the example of giving that this regular family showed.

But it got me thinking.

If one family could save Christmas for four,  how many more could we help?  Everyone know that if everyone on their Facebook gave them 5 dollars we would be rolling in it.  But how about we get together and start a revolution?  What if we Started a Revival in Giving!  What if we started a movement?  What if ones family's story sparks an avalanche of good wishes and well being?  And what if that could start with us?

What if we could be the change that happens this Christmas?  What if we were the answer to a long awaited prayer?  What if we were able to make a family feel normal and loved and accepted for just once in their lives?  What if we were the ones who restored faith in humanity?

The Plan:  To collect as many gift card to Walmart (in any amount) as possible and then use those gift cards to pay off random layaways in time for Christmas!  Our goal is to raise $2,000 in gift cards so that we can help anywhere from 15-20 families.  We're planning on picking out layaways that have things on them like diapers and toys for kids under 10 and things like that.  (If there's an xbox on it... we probably gonna pass.)

This is a great way to make a huge impact on our community.  To build up the families in our area that may otherwise feel nothing of the Christmas season except for stress and fear and shame.  Imagine if your kids are wishing for nothing but a baby doll and you were collecting change just to get it for them.  Imagine how you would feel if you couldn't provide the basics that we take for granted on our holiday season.  Things like diapers or formula or new clothes.  Things that a parent wants so desperately to give their children but can't.

What if we could be an answered pray to a single mom who is just barely getting by and now has the stress of holidays to boot?

What if we could be a helping hand to a father that doesn't know the language and is trying desperately to provide for his family by doing odd jobs?  What if we could shower him with the kindness he isn't getting anywhere else?

What if after years of being dissapointed we were the reason a child believes in Christmas and Santa just one more year?

What if...

I think it could be supernatural.

Good news!  We are!  You are!  You can be part of a change in our community.  I made a Facebook page and everything:)  We're calling it BLESSMAS 2013

https://www.facebook.com/Blessmas2013

I know, I am so on top of it!  (That is a flat out lie.  I'm not on top of anything unless it's eating the last of the pecan pie.)

But this isn't just my thing, this is our thing.  Because this doesn't work unless everyone gets involved.  Each and everyone of you would have a hand in making this happen.   If you want to change Christmas for a family check out the page, get a gift card, post pictures and be part of the Giving Revival!!

Let's give back Christmas!!
Blessmas 2013!!

Antenella

A Fulfilled Life: A Moment of Thanksgiving

*Mayday!  Mayday!!  This is all about Jesus!!*  You know that's how I roll, so try not to get offended or discouraged when I talk about Him.  Just see it as the most recent revelation of my life.  I hope you can get something out of it:)

I was debating breaking my blogging fast with another installment of mommy fails but in light of Thanksgiving being tomorrow and the day that this blog will be posted I decided to take a more reflective route.  (You'll have to wait till next week for my failing as a parent.)

I have been spending a lot of time thinking.  I know, it's hard to believe.  Trust me, it was not on purpose.  But I came across a quote out of a book I was reading and it just got the wheels a turning.
"All is going well, very well, I couldn't ask for anything better-  So why do I hate my life?"

It's a little morbid yes, and is taken out of context but it so perfectly described my state of being that it has stuck with me and I haven't been able to shake it.  Sure, it's enough to say that this is probably not the response I should be having to my life.  Especially with Thanksgiving right around the corner and everyone and their mom posting everywhere all the things they are thankful for.

And I am thankful!  I have a beautiful home, I have a husband who loves me despite my obvious insanity, three beautiful children who are not only healthy in mind but in body as well.  What more could I ever have hoped for?  When I person thinks of what is meaningful in life they basically come up with a picture of me...

So why do I hate my life?

There are days and even weeks that go by where I feel like there is nothing about my life I like.  I am in constant battle mode from everything to getting my kids to eat to going to bed on time.  I spend my entire day fighting one battle or the other.  "Mommy she hit me!"  "Mommy she's looking at me!"  "Mommy, make her stop!"  and don't get me started on the "I wants"...  It's enough to make me sick.

But that's not why I hate my life.

I started to think back to the days that I was happiest.  What was it about those times that made me happy?  I remembered all the times in collage I was happy.  Care free with only a resemblance of responsibility to contend with.  I was happy then, even fulfilled.

So, I thought, that must be it!  It was because I have no semblance of living life for myself that I was so miserable.  Everything I do involves taking care of someone else.  Making sure that some one else's needs were met before mine.  So I started doing more things that involved "me" time.  Working out, getting my hair or nails done, sitting in the hot tub with a book.  I must be miserable because I wasn't living for me!

And I believed this lie...  For a long time.  I looked better but I wasn't any happier.

So again, I went back to my memories (Quite by accident) and I realized that all those wonderful times I had of being carefree and unencumbered were a facade.  It was the whimsical way we tend to look at our memories and think of only the wonderfulness that was our life and how much better it would be if we could just return to that.  It's a lie, seen through rose colored glasses, so it is beautiful.  But it is a lie.

I started to remember what it was really like during my "happiest of times".  I wasn't exactly "happy" then, either.  I was self conscious, judgmental, fragile, had no direction, believed no one would love me and was constantly overwhelmed with the feeling that I was waiting for my life to start.  I felt like everything I did was just a precursor to what God really had for me.

And that's when I realized it.  God.  When was the last time I talked to Him?  For that matter when was the last time I thought about Him?

He used to be my constant thought.  He used to be a best friend that shared everything from my meals to my bed.  He was a constant companion filling all the spaces that felt empty.  I remembered having all those feelings of inadequacy in collage but it didn't matter because I was a daughter of Christ.  A Queen in the kingdom of God and I was forever going into battle!  I was a solider, a person of strength that battled the enemy with Prayer and Praise.

And I was delighted.

Everyday was exciting because everyday I asked Jesus what the plan was and he just said "follow me" and I did.  And I was fulfilled.  Not happy, not content, not accomplished, definitely not confident but joyous in knowing I was living for a bigger purpose.

I used to think that the cliche of "Life without God is meaningless", was just that.  A cliche that alcoholics and recovering drug addicts would use to describe the incredible change that Christ made in their lives.  But I have come face to face with the crippling realization of the truth in this cliche.

Why do I hate my life?

Because that's all it is.  It's my life.  Sure, It's filled with the most amazing gifts I could ever ask for but what does it matter if I don't live for Christ?  What does it matter that I gain the whole world and know nothing of God.  What kind of riches can replace the excitement, the joy, the satisfaction this is a life lived to the fullest?  Creating, loving, caring with a love that is heaven bound.  To know that all of your wiped noses and kissed knees are not just to build up a healthy, confident child into an adult but to build a legacy of delight, fulfillment and acceptance that could only be found in Christ.

I know it sounds preachy or maybe it sounds to simple.  That happiness can be found in the darkest, obscure and desolate of places, the heart of a stay at home mom.  Where in all the tiniest of places is  fraught with nothing but guilt and doubt.  How else can we be saved if not by the love of a God who is constantly surrounded by whiney toddlers.  (Lets be honest, that's probably what we sound like.)  Who would understand us best?

And that was it.  I don't hate my life.   There is excitement in a life lived for a gracious God that would think me important enough to reach into the obscurity of my life and pull me out from the depression and set me on a rock allowing me to see the life I should be living.  It's exciting!

So I am Thankful, I am blessed and I am follower of Christ.

I just have to start letting Him lead.

Antenella

Ps: I may have a way that you could be involved with the excitement of living for someone other then yourself.  And it doesn't involve having my pastor go to your house and talk to you about Jesus for an hour.  (Unless, you want that)

Happy Halloween!

So today is Halloween!  Happy Halloween everyone!  You know what I hate about Halloween?  Nothing!!  I love the candy, the costumes, the spooky decorations.  I even like trick or treating with my kids.  It's going to be so magical!

Who am I kidding.

Lets start with reality:

One:
Everyone stayed up too late last night.  Oh, never-you-mind that everyone was in bed but nobody fell asleep until well after 10pm.  This alone equals catastrophe for the next day.

Two:
My son wakes up with a fever.  (Let the whining begin.)

Three:
No one has eaten real food since I bought Halloween Candy on Tuesday.

These are the kinda things that are already stacked up against me.  I will now predict the cluster that is going to be Halloween this year.

ooooOOOOOOOooooOOOOoooooooOOOOOoooooOOooo (That's my spooky ghostly noise.)

First:
My oldest will come home from school and immediately start asking me when she can start dressing up for Halloween causing a complete meltdown from the twins who will think that they are being left out.  Meanwhile, I will be trying to get everyone to take a nap, (see above) eat a decent meal, (see above again) and not destroy every Halloween decoration they touch.  Not to mention the homework that my VPK child has due tomorrow that I totally forgot to have done until about 6 am this morning.

Next:
My mother will come over to "help".  Let the havoc commence with full swing.  My beautiful angels turn into raging lunatics when my mother comes over.  I don't know why they think the rules don't apply when my mother is involved... Oh wait, yes I do.  It's because my mother lets them do what ever they want.
You want candy at 3pm?  Sure!  You wanna put your costume on before you eat dinner? Sure!  You wanna watch tv and not do your homework?  Sure!  It's Halloween!

Oh yes, mother.  I'm calling you out!!!

Lastly:
My husband will get home much later then the appointed time we are anticipating and by the time he will come through the door he will have three stir-crazy, anticipation and sugar filled ankle-bitters in costume all clamoring for his attention and demanding to get out the door as soon as possible, and any delay will in fact ensue a complete and utter meltdown that will make Pompeii look like a hiccup.

Not to mention that I'll be ready to pull my own
hair out, close to tears and moments away from running away myself.

Welcome home, Honey!

There you have it!  A prophecy if you will.  I feel like it is eerily accurate already.  The best part is that Halloween is just the start of a whole season of celebrations that will go exactly like this.  Only instead of costumes replace it with Turkey or presents.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!!  How long till Saint Patricks day?  Now there is a respectable holiday.

I'm supposed to be Ursula.  Not just a random
Drag Queen

Antenella

Mommy fail 2

As I mentioned last week, my husband had taken a father/son trip to Mexico with our middle child.  Other then the constant panic attacks, it was actually a really great break from the boys.  My daughters and I had a lot of girl time that involved doing things like going out for dinner instead of cooking.  It was awesome!

(side note:  Girls are way easier then boys.  I didn't realize how much easier life is when it's just the girls.  Boys are just a different animal all together, and I use the term "animal" pretty accurately.)

My oldest and I got to do a lot of bonding time in during the evenings.   After the baby went to bed,  my oldest and I would cuddle up on the couch with a blanket and snacks and watch t.v way past our bed times.  I figured this wasn't too much of a problem, staying up late.  How bad can it be?  Besides, how would my husband find out?

Fast-forward to a week later.  The boys are back and happy and everyone is starting to fall into their old routines including their bedtime routines.  Fortunately, for me, my husband puts the older kids to sleep while I work on our youngest.  I'm usually the first one downstairs while he tucks everyone else into bed.

This was just such a night and I was downstairs watching "How I met you mother," and my husband comes down and tells me this story:

Husband: So I'm tucking Scarlett into bed and she asks me where she can find a husband.

Me: Aww, where did that come from?

Husband: I don't know.  But I tell her that when she is older and she wants to find a husband she can usually meet people at her school or maybe at work.

(Picture him having the rest of the conversation in the bed pink flowery bedroom that is my daughters, complete with little girl shoes and Disney princesses everywhere.)

Scarlett: At school?  No, daddy.  I can't marry a boy from school.

Husband: Why not?

Scarlett: Because those boys are my friends

Husband: Well, it's okay to marry one of your friends.

Scarlett: No daddy, that would be weird.

Husband: Okay, then where do you think you should meet your husband.

Scarlett: In a bar.

Husband: silent shock

Scarlett:  Just like.... 

(wait for it....)

Scarlett: Barney.

Seriously my face when he told me

True story.

Needless to say.  I'm not allowed to watch HIMYM with the kids anymore.

Antenella

Father/Son Trip

My husband has been out of town for the past three days.  This would be a perfect opportunity for a week of mommies gone wild, complete with wild parties, endless spending and copious amounts of alcohol with my mommy friends.  Except, that I still have the kids with me.

Actually, I only have the girls.  My husband took off with my son (my favorite, don't tell the others*) to spend some father-son time together.  They are having a blast, by the way!  I, on the other hand, have been having a mini panic attack every 30 minutes since they've been gone.

It's not that I don't trust my husband.  After all, this is some well deserved father/son bonding time that they really haven't had a chance to have, since I've always been there.  And mom kinda trumps everything for my son.  (See how he's my favorite?)  To use my husbands words exactly, "What's there to worry about?  He'll be with this father."

Yeah, that's the part that worries me.  Again, it's not that my husband isn't brilliant.  In fact, he is like over the top smart that brings a whole new level of number nerd I never thought possible. Not to mention how caring and considerate he is and how much he loves his kids, blah, blah, blah.  It's more like he just doesn't think to do certain things pertaining to the children.

Here are some examples that sent me into an hysteria large enough that no amount of labor breathing was going to bring me down.

EX. 1:
Him:  I'm not going to bring his toothbrush.
Me: Why not?
Him:  Because I don't think he should brush his teeth with the water there in case he gets sick.
Me: Oh kaaay.  What are you going to brush your teeth with?
silence
Me: You are planning on brushing your teeth, right?
Him: uuuuuuhhhh


EX: 2:
Him:  So we're probably gonna rent a car when we get there.
Me:  Great, so you're gonna bring the carseat?
Him: Nah...


EX. 3:
Him: I don't think I'm gonna get him anything for his ears on the plane.  I'm sure he'll be fine.

Let's just say that there are some things a father (or the working parent) just doesn't think of when traveling with a small child, out of the country.


freakingoutfreakingoutfreakingoutfreakingoutfreakingoutreakingoutfreakingoutfre

It's not his fault!  It's not because he's a bad dad or inattentive, it's because he has never had the experience before.  He's never had to think of these things.  These things have alway just been thought for him.  Anytime we've gone anywhere especially since the babies were born my husband hasn't had to even pack the diaper bag, let alone a suitcase for a 5 day trip.

He's never had to think about what happens if your stuck in traffic longer then you expected, or what happens if you half way through shopping and someone has to go to the bathroom, right.  Now!  He never has to think about the logistics of errand running with an extra human being that makes it their job to touch everything and gets board in a fraction of a nano second.

He's never had to learn the tricks of getting your child to be quite long enough to sit in the pediatricians office during a well check up (because there is a difference between a well and a sick visit)  or be quite enough for an adult doctors office complete with judgmental old people who hate children.

He's never had to juggle talking to an adult while trying to hold the hand of a squirming child and trying to pay enough attention to both the conversation and not losing your hyper active child in the department store.  Hell, he's never even had to to go to a department store with the kids.  (Lucky...)

It's not that I don't trust my husband.

It's more like what I would imagine a parent would feel when their kid starts driving.  They know their kid is smart, dependable and a good decision maker.  They know that their kid has passed drivers ed and the state driving test.  They know that their kid is going to try their darndest to be the best driver there is.  But there are just some things that can't be taught without experience, and until they spent a couple of years doing it without a problem you will forever be on pins and needles until they get home.

As for never having to really learn any of this stuff up until now...
you're welcome.

Antenella

*Re-laaaax!  I tell all the kids that!  I don't actually play favorites.  That would mean that I actually like one of them.  OMG!! I'm kidding.  I love my kids... all of them! ...unless they pee on the floor...

We are Ruining Lives (Archive)

From the ARCHIVE:

This post has been on my mind all week!  I feel like I've had to explain this story at least 50 times in the past few days so I thought it would be nice to get a reminder of how my family and I are single handedly making people questions their morality.  We are like the real life "What would you do?"  Only, once we leave there is no one there to tell you that everything is okay and that the crazy white lady storming out with a black baby is actually the child's mother.

I think we should get a kick back from the therapists in the area for all the cliental we will be sending them.

Enjoy!

Having an adopted child tends to be challenging at best.  Then, have an adopted child that stands out like a sore thumb.  It tends to be well…confusing.  But I didn't realize how difficult it could be until recently.  My youngest and adopted child has been the sweetest most beautiful baby angel there ever was!  I'm so blessed to have her.  All she ever wants is to be snuggled and to play with her siblings.  Best Child EVER!  

Then she turned two.

My angel is now... a MONSTER!!  That might be a little harsh.  But really, she's out of control!  She throws fits in public, She refuses to follow me and the kids when walking through any store, she goes so far as to yell 'No!' then runs in the opposite direction.  This is a challenge for any regular mother and any average child.  In fact, I would say that this behavior is textbook for the terrible two.  The constant bipolar temperament makes me think this is nothing more then the "testing" time that every healthy and normal child must go through in order to be a well adjusted adult.  Unfortunatly for me, this comes with a whole ball of wax that most mom's never have to go through.  

For one, I look like this:

this is a super great picture, btw

 And my daughter, my precious baby angel turns psychotic maniac, looks like this:

my doll face

See how this might be a problem if say, you are trying to get out of target on a busy Saturday shopping spree and your precious angel/maniac decides to not listen to you?  Let me set the stage for those of you that aren't picking up what I'm laying down.

Int. Target:

It is the hustle and bustle of back to school shopping.  Enter a white mother with black child.  The pair do their shopping in considerable peace getting just a few things.  Black child sees a toy and decides that she will not leave without it.

Mother: Okay, that's enough playing honey.  It's time to go.

child: NO!

Mother: What did you say?

Child: NO!

Mother: It is time to go.  Don't make me tell you again.

Child starts crying.

Mother: One… Two…

Child: No smack!  

Mother: If you don't listen you get a spanking.

Child: No!! 

Mother is flabbergasted as the child takes off like a bat out of hell down the aisle in target, away from the people who already saw the exchange (of course) and runs up to the nearest stranger asking desperately to be picked up.  

Stranger unsure what to do sees an angry white women approach her and instinctually picks up the child.

Stranger: Is she yours?

Mother: Oh, yeah.  she's mine.

Stranger reluctantly passes the child over to the mother.  Mother takes the kids and starts berating child in a hushed voice.

Stranger now spends the rest of her life wondering if she did the right thing.  If the child was really sent with her mother or if that terrible white women was going to take that child and sell it on the black market.

End scene 

Fortunately, most of the time I have all three of the kids and I have less of a difficulty trying to get the kids out of the store. Mostly because my other kids are calling for their sister as much as I am.  So, I'm either really good at kidnapping because I teach the other kids I have stolen to call for each other, or I am really her mother.

Although, I will have to say, I am glad that people stop me and ask for clarification.  Because I would hate to think that any of my children are screaming bloody murder just to be kidnapped anyway because nobody wanted to cause waves for the kidnapper.  I am glad that people make a point of clarifying the otherwise terrible faith of my child.

But what am I supposed to do?  Pull out her birth certificate and adoption papers?  All those people who are trying to clear me as the child's mother basically just have to take my word for it.  But what if I was really stealing her?  If someone asked me if she was mine, of course, I would say yes.  

See how this can get really confusing.  So my child and I are ruining lives everyday causing insurmountable amounts of people to second guess themselves and to always ask if they did the right thing.

Don't even get me started if my husband tries to take her somewhere.  Ahh, the joys of a blended family!

Antenella 

What Do I Tell My Kid?

I remember when I used to be young and naive and judgmental.  It actually wasn't that long ago.  But as I get older and add more children, I have started to realize how ludicrous a lot of my thought processes were.  I've changed.  A lot.

I am embarrassed to admit that I used to agree with the right wing conservatives of the "sanctity of marriage" and how the "Gays" were destroying everything. Blah, blah, blah.  Besides, what was I supposed to tell my children?  As if it Wouldn't it be confusing enough to explain sexuality to my imaginary (at the time) 4 year old without having to explain girl-on-girl or guy-on-guy involvement as well?

Needless to say, I have changed.  I have learned the error of my ways.  But most importantly, I'm just tired.  They say to pick and chose your battles and with kids I realize that there are just too many battles to fight.

If my kid wants to love someone of the same sex I just don't have the conviction to fight that battle anymore.  If they love them and that person treats them with the same love and dignity that my husband treats me, that's all I can ask for in my children's spouse.

But this post isn't about gay rights or making my political statements about them, its about a conversation I had with my (no longer imaginary) 4 year old daughter.

I shall title it:
What do I tell my kid? : A simple look at the complexity of explaining the subtlety of homosexuality to your child.

Princess: Mommy, that girl in my class says she has a girlfriend.
I glance over in the direction she is pointing and find a bouncy blond little girl about my daughters age.
Me:  That's good.
Princess:  But she said she has a girlfriend!
Me: You mean she has a friend who is a girl?
Princess:  I don't know, she said girlfriend.
She makes a point of holding out the "url" sound in a sing song voice.
Me: Yes, you said that.  What do you think she means when she said she has a girlfriend?
My oldest looks down looking a little embarrassed
Me: Do you think of your aunty Chiara and her girlfriend?
(Yes, my sister is a lesbian!  Yay!  I am officially the united nations.)
My oldest nods.
Me: Some times we call our friends girlfriend or boyfriends depending on if they are a girl or a boy.  Mrs. Brandy is my girlfriend because she is a girl, and Mr. Rory is my boyfriend because he's a boy.
Princess: Your boyfriend?!  What about daddy?
Me: He's my husband.  Some times when people say girlfriend or boyfriend they are also mean that this person is special to them like a husband or a wife would be, like your aunty Chiara.  But normally, if it's a girl in your class she's probably talking about her friend who happens to be a girl.
Princess: Oh.  Can I get a milkshake from McDonalds?

End Scene

Two things:
1.  I never thought I was going to have to explain homosexuality in reverse.  Where my child already knows about homosexuality and is confused by the reference of girlfriends as it's intended purpose.
And 2.  That wasn't so hard after all.

Here's to my sister for making things easier
instead of harder, then I thought
it would be.

Antenella

Beauty Beyond the Noise

The circus is coming to town!!

So the other day some beautiful and graceful human being came up to me and told me that my kids were whiners.  Like point blank!

Me: Actually, for their age they're not really...
Him:  No, I'm not trying to be an ass or anything.  I'm just telling you the truth.  They are whiners.  You better nip that in the bud.

It's a good thing he wasn't trying to be an ass.  I feel much better now.  As much as I'd like to verbal bash this guy and write what I should have said to him and blast him all over the internet for it, I realize:

This isn't about him.

News flash!  My kids are whinny!  I know my kids whine.  There's three of them.  All under the age of four.  With that being said I would love to tell you that I mentally called this gentleman ever name under the sun and then promptly forgot about it.

But I didn't.

It kept gnawing at me.  Most of the afternoon until finally I just broke down into tears.  When I did finally have the tears flowing like a faucet I couldn't even understand what I was so upset about.  Lets face it.  This wasn't the first time I was told my kids whine, or that they are too loud, or that they are just too much in general.  I get that.

Not everyone can handle three kids and not just three kids, (because three isn't really a lot) It's three toddlers.  I don't expect everyone to be happy when they see me and my circus come through the doors. In fact I almost always expect to be treated like gypsies just because of my traveling circus.  But I digress.

After thinking about it for a long time and having a real heart to heart with another mommy of three, I started to realize why exactly I was so upset.

This isn't about him.

Or anyone that thinks like him.  It's the fact that people don't see the beauty of my kids beyond the noise.  Nobody likes the masses.  That's why we have the term 'mob mentality'.  Its loud, its erratic, it's ignorant.  But people, individual people are beautiful, and talented and vibrant!

Just like my kids, but no one can see them over the noise.  And what really made me cry, what really make me so upset was the fact that no one sees the beauty of my kids because they are always under the guise of a group.  They are never individuals.  They are just noise.  And that makes my heart break.

This isn't about him.

No one sees how attentive my oldest is to her younger siblings.  How she always has one eye open to make sure of their whereabouts.  Or how she loves to sing and is good at it.  How she gets shy when our neighbors son comes over and talks to her.  They don't see how insanely good she is at swimming and how she can hold her breath longer then most adults.

No one sees how creative my son is.  How he can tell a story from beginning to end with plot twist and cliff hangers.  How he feels a sense of loss if he doesn't give you a proper goodbye or a 'squishy' hug.  They don't see the way he wraps his arms around your neck and tells you how much he loves you, just because, or how every time I make his favorite food he thanks me with a happy mouth full of pasta.

No one sees how my youngest loves her baby dolls.  How she holds them and kisses them and wraps them in blankets, treating them with a tenderness that isn't seen in any other realm of her existence.  They don't see how she adores her older brother and wants to be just like him, following his every lead and mimicking every sound.

No one sees the generosity, the willingness to work together, the love they have for each other, the compassion they have for others.  The fact that my son can't help but be attentive to another child that is crying.  Or that my oldest wants nothing more to be involved in the game and encourages other to do the same.  No one sees how my two oldest adore their little sister, and even though she looks nothing like them and had a different mother she is as good as blood in their eyes.

No one sees this... No one sees beyond the masses.  The fact that with three small kids you are guaranteed that at any moment someone will be unhappy and there is nothing I can do about that because I can't please everyone at all times.

Kinda like him, who can't see the beauty beyond the noise.

Antenella

It's All Politics

I had the pleasure of meeting the most beautiful baby girl today!  Yes, she is a doll.  Her mother is a goddess and I just couldn't watch the two together without tearing up at the beauty that was this spectacular version of mother and daughter.

... It also made me remember all the stupid things people used to say to me when I was a brand new mom.

It came crashing back to me as an old women had finished talking to the glowing mother and bid her adieu by saying "That's how I leave my grand kids.  I love them then leave them!"  Ha ha.  That is so funny. (insert sarcasm)  I love how you can belittle the love a mother has for her kids by saying you can just love them one moment then not care about there existence the next.

Okay, Okay.  That's a bit of a stretch for the-most-stupid-thing-to-say-to-a-new-mom but it still bothered me.  Maybe it was because the comment previous was a questioning of if she was nursing or not.  That's when it all came back...

Why is it that the moment you become a mother everyone and their mom wants to tell you what to do?  Like you're just an ignorant fool with absolutely no common sense when it comes to your newborn.  I mean sure, as a new mom, most of us haven't the slightest idea of what we're doing.  But to bombard us with loaded question after loaded question just isn't fair.

Its like becoming the president!  On the very first day, everyone want to "inform" you of what's going on and how they have been handling the world affairs until you got there.  But what they are really doing, is telling you how it should be and how you should be handling every situation and if you don't agree with the powers that be, you are doing it wrong and everybody will hate you!

Side note: You couldn't pay me enough to be president.

It's all politics when it comes to a new baby.  Seemingly simple questions will force you to defend your every belief!  It seems like people are asking you questions about your new bundle of joy but what they are really doing is gauging where you will rank in the new hierarchy of motherhood.  Every question is like an option poll.  What are her beliefs as new mom?  What does she think is important?  What are the issues?  Here are a few of my favorites, how they sound and what they are really saying.

What's the baby's name?  Seemingly a simple question.  After all, it's their name and there really is no wrong answer.  That's where you would be... WRONG!!  What ever you have chosen for you bundle of bliss will be beautiful and perfect as long as the person you are telling agrees with you.  I can't tell you the crap I got when I called my son Hawkins.  "What kind of name is Hawkins?" said my mother.  Oh yeah, everyone's a critic.

If it's too obscure people will think you are granola, if it's to common they will think you are boring, if it's non traditional they will think you are pretentious, if it is traditional they will think you are uptight.  But what's in a name?

Are you ready for another?  Bitch, please.  Can I at least wait for the stitches to heal before I start tearing my body up again?  Careful!  This is another trick question.  If you say no, you will get a lot of grief over the fact that its not good for the child to be alone and how important it is for them to have a sibling.  Studies have shown how affective it is for them to learn and grow and become the doctor in the family you've always wanted.

If you say yes, you will get the: dear lord, slow down and enjoy this one first before you have to divide your love and attention on the needs of yet another child!  Studies have shown that if they don't get that individual attention then they will grow up to be nothing but sex crazed maniacs!

Are you nursing?  Talk about a loaded question.  And just like "Gay Rights" everyone's got an option!  If you simple say yes, you will get a whole diatribe about how hard it is and how it really isn't that important or that studies have shown that the baby will get sick anyway so why kill yourself to feed him 24/7 and shouldn't your husband attempt to help you at all?!

Were as, if you say, No.  God help you.  You will be judged!  Judged!!!  To no extent!  They will sit there and ask you what you are thinking and have you even considered the implications of not breastfeeding and the next thing you know you will be facing a life of your child becoming a pregnant teenage drug addict that wanted nothing more then the liquid gold of her mothers milk!

The real kicker is that when you are going through it, you don't even realize that these are all trick questions.  You just assume the good of people and think that they actually care about you and what you have to say about the joy of being a new mom.  You only start to see it for what it truly is after the fact.  When you start to get defensive when people start asking you questions and you don't even know why.  You start to shy away from giving the real answers and instead give them the politically correct one that usually ends with a polite chuckle.  I tell you NO!

Stand up for what you believe in!  You tell them what you really think!  You let them know why you decide not to breastfeed or why you took the family name, and if they didn't want your option then they shouldn't have asked you for it.

Antenella

3 Kid Club Quiz

I was recently talking with a girlfriend of mine who happens to have three kids and she introduced me to another women who just (and I mean just, like three weeks old, just) added a third child to her party of four.  I congratulated her and welcomed her to the club.

"It feels like a club!" She said with enthusiasm.  "No one seems to get it unless they also have three children."

We even have our own handshake.

It's a pretty exclusive club, I might add.  Only crazy awesome moms get to be a part of it and it's filled with nothing but triple amounts of wet kisses and sticky fingers and yes, even poopy diapers.  I wouldn't trade it for the world!

But just like every super inclusive club you get some haters.  Okay, a lot of haters.  Some of them don't even realize they're hating!  (Which just proves how awe-inspiring this club really is)  Maybe they're not hating.  Maybe they just really don't realize what they are saying or maybe they don't realize that everyone and their mom has mentioned the same quick-witted remark when ever they see us coming.

But how do you know you are in the 3 kids club (if the third child didn't give it away).  Here is a quick and easy multiple choice test you can take to find out if you too have what it takes to be part of this all inclusive club.  Good Luck!

1.  Say you're at the playground and your child falls to the ground while chasing a kid that's way to big for him to play with.  What do you do?  a) Rush to his aid? b) Get the bandaids ready for his banged up knee?  c) Pull out the Neosporin?  If you've started to laugh.  You're probably in the 3 kid club

2. Say you're at the grocery store ('cause you know you don't go to the mall) and you do a quick head count and realize you've only gotten to two.  What do you do?  a) Panic?  b) Start a frantic search up the aisles c) cry.  If your answer was, Yell at the top of your lungs the name of the lost child followed by a threat of bodily harm unless they come back in a count of 3, then you are probably in the 3 kid club.

3.  Say you've just given birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy.  What are the reactions you get from friends and family?  Is it, a) How adorable! b) He looks just like his father/mother c) What a blessing!  If you answered, You have another one? then you are probably in the 3 kids club.

4.  Say you are standing in line at the public bathrooms and some one asks you, How do you do it?  Your response would most likely be, a) It's easy  b) It's not so hard when you get used to it  c) Jesus gives me the strength (Hint! While Jesus may actually give you strength, is this what you would most likely say?)

If your response was, I cry a lot and drink twice as much coffee then tears, then you are probably in the 3 kid club.

5.  Say you are unloading your kids from your mini van.  As you grab the hands of all three of your kids what does the nearest complete stranger say to you.  Is it,  a) What a wonderful family b) You are very lucky to have so many beautiful children c) What a blessing!  If you answered, Wow, You've got your hands full or You're not going to have any more, are you?  Then you are probably in the 3 kid club.  Plus, you get extra credit if you started laughing hysterically at option b)

You're done!

Now tally up your points! A is 1pt, B is 2 pts, C is 3 pts.  If you got a score of 0 then you're probably in the 3 kid club!!  WELCOME!

We only except crazies, that have grown tough skin and who are really good at smiling through clenched teeth.  But the benefits far out weigh any of the stupidity that tends to be thrown our way.  So sit back and enjoy, know that you aren't alone and if you haven't punched someone in the face today, it's a good day!

Antenella

Warning: Foul Language aka Early Steps

Warning: This is a rant:  I apologize for the foul language and I am sorry if I offend anyone.  But this is a rant so suck it!!    Sorry, I'm still mad :)

Were do I even start.  I have two kids that are in state run programs.  My oldest, for speech and my youngest for everything else.  For the most part, the experience has been without flaw and very few problems.  Of course, this is mostly due to the fact that I had no idea what to expect or what I needed or what to ask.  But since I've been working with these systems for over a year now, I like to think I know a little bit more and I am taking a much more proactive role in the schooling of my children, even if it is free.  Here are a few things that I would like to tell my coordinators but probably shouldn't if I still want them to like me.

This is not my first rodeo!  Don't try to throw me just because you don't think I know how to hang on.  Don't come at me with terms and phrases and all your jargon nonsense just to confuse me into agree with whatever you think I should do.  Because guess what, your best interest is not the well being of my child.  It's making sure that your bottom line is in the black so you have a job next year.  I get that.  But that is not my child's problem so don't treat it as such.

Do Not Bully Me!  Into taking whatever appointment time you are offering me.  I am sick and tired of jumping through hoops in order to work around your busy schedule.  I understand this is a job and you are trying to get as many clients as possible but don't call me to find out if I can drop everything and have you come for therapy with 20 minutes notice!  My schedule is just as crazy as yours.  I have three kids who all have lives and school and activities and maybe, just maybe, get tired enough that they deserve a nap.  So no, I will not do the backwards crawl just so you can come and spend 45 minutes with my kid today and then pull this same shit on me next week.  And don't think you are fooling anyone, that if I don't take this appointment I won't hear from you again in the next 6 months.  You work for me!  If my kid needs your assistance you will make changes to your schedule to be there for her.  Not the other way around.

Do not reprimand me like a child when I don't return your phone calls within the first 15 minutes!  Your voicemail (which I alway get when ever I call and need something) reminds me to be patient because it could take up to 48 hours for you to return my phone calls.  My husband can't get a hold of me most days!  Why? Because I am to busy screening my phone calls and watching my stories.  NO!  It's because I am busy!  And not single-collage-kid busy.  I mean, I-don't-poop-or-eat-until-the-kids-go-to-bed busy.  I have things to do!  If I'm not running around like a taxi service, I'm kneed deep in human feces.  Most of the time the only way I get a breather is if I am running and guess what, it's really hard to return phone calls when your running.  (Oh, and breath)

Why are you so concerned about my insurance information?  This is supposed to be free.  I know that you have to bill my insurance just because of red tape and blah, blah, blah, but don't think I am going to pay out of pocket for these services.  Just because I am a white women who adopted a baby does not mean, "Well, she can afford it.  So, lets just charge her insurance."  First of all, no.  I can not afford it.  Secondly, No.  I deserve the same rights and privileges as everyone else that comes into this system.  My child qualified by your standards so she should be able to get what ever services that she is eligible for, despite the fact that her mother is white and her father has good insurance.  Thirdly, It's just wrong.  It is without morality that you just assume that you know anything about me and my family and what we can afford and what we deserve.  Oh, and I'm pretty sure that if you double bill my insurance, it's illegal.  So don't.

Ps:  I will call you on your lunch break.  I will leave messages.  I will educate myself.  I will talk to other mom's in the same system. I will take time away from my schedule to work with yours.  I will drive around like a mad women so my children can have their therapy.  I will be pleasant when I really want to punch you in the face.  I will be compassionate and try to see all angles.  I will learn, I will grow, and above all else I will fight viciously for what my kids need and deserve.  I understand that there is no such thing as a free lunch and even thought this program is "free" and payed for by our tax dollars I will not take it for granted and I will use it to my advantage so don't F*ck with me!

I AM A MOM

Antenella

Pps:  I really do love my kids therapist:)

TMI

Int: Public bathroom
Bathroom stall

My oldest and I are sharing a bathroom and after she gets off I decide this is probably the best option for emptying my bladder for the rest of the day, so I pop a squat.  I am vaguely aware that someone else has entered the bathroom and is occupying the stall next to us.

Oldest Child: mommy why is your vagina full of hair.
Me: um... Because of a little thing called puberty.
OC: What's that?
Me:  (sigh) It's when you get older and your body goes through a lot of changes and you start to grow hair on your vagina.
OC: like when I'm 5?
Me: Dear God, no!  Not when your 5.  More like 12 or 13 or if your father had his way 52.
OC: Then I get married?
Me: Yes, when your 50.
OC: Noooo! (she rolls her eyes)  When I'm 12.
Me: No, that is highly illegal in most, if not all states.  You have to be at least 18.  Or 30.  Or if your  father had his way 52.
OC: Oh... is that when you have a baby?
Me: No, you're supposed to get married first. (muttering to myself) Though, I'm starting to see that tradition die out faster and faster every year.
OC: I'm gonna marry Justin Beiber.
Me: Um.  He may be a little old for you and too sheltered.  I don't know if he could handle you, baby.
OC: And then we have a baby.
Me:  Okay creeper, jumping the gun a bit?  You have to have sex first. (oh crap!)
OC: What's sex?

This is when I become fully aware that there is a little  old lady in the stall next to me who is definitely listening to every word.  At this point, I realize there is no sense in sugar coating it.  I got myself into this mess, I've gotta dig my way out.  There's nothing better then the truth to get people judging you.  So I tell it like it is... fast.

mommy, please scar me for life.

Me: Sex-is-when-a-daddy-and-a-mommy-love-each-other-very-much-and-the-daddy-puts-his-penis-in --the-mommy's-vagina. No big deal.

I scrabble through the sentence more for the benefit of the lady next to me then for my own daughter who already has a basic idea of how that works.  Lord knows, she's walked into my bedroom enough times.  OC's face starts to contract into a grimace then explodes into a laugh.

OC: Noooo!  You don't touch someone else's privates.
Me:  That's correct.
OC: Only mommy, daddy and a doctor.
ME: that's right.

Hoping the conversation is over I stand up to flush.  As I do so, my daughter reaches up and fondles my breasts.  With?  Didn't we just have this conversation?  Apparently mommies don't count.

OC:  Will I have boobies too?
Me: ugh!  yes, when you get older.
OC: Like 5?
Me: You might as well just kill your father now.  No, not 5.  Like 12.
OC: When I have hair on my vagina like you?

Aaaaand... we have come full circle.  The only two thing I have learned from this conversation is that 1. my kids will only have these kind of conversations with me in public places and 2. That I am getting a full brazilian next time make it to the waxers.

Antenella

Love and Understanding

I know I promised the wonderful man of mine that I wouldn't use him as material to write about but I just can't help myself!  I just have to brag about what an amazing person he is!

...  No, I'm serious.

I know, I can't believe it either!  I'm going to actually write about the beautiful father of my children and  there won't be even a single tongue in cheek jab.  Can I do it?

Of course.

This is a story about change, about how people can change.  That ideas can be morphed and that even the deepest of prejudice can die and make way for understanding and acceptance.  Okay,  maybe it's not that deep but it's a big deal to me.

Let me start at the beginning.  When my son was barely a year old I took both he and my oldest to Disney world with my folks.  I didn't take my youngest because she wouldn't have come around for another 6 months.  Crazy right?  It's like she's been here always.

Anyway, while we were there we went into one of the shops in Downtown Disney.  The one that happens to have the "bippity boppity boutique".  One of the most magical things about this shop is that the walls are lined from floor to ceiling with princess dresses with all the trimmings.   It's sufficient to say that my oldest was in heaven.  Naturally, we dressed her in every dress imaginable, taking pictures and making a fuss.  Quietly, my son picks out his own dress and in that one year old baby language makes it clear as day that he would like to join in the festivities.

Without much persuasion I quickly pull the "Belle" dress over his head and place a crown on his head.  My parents and I take pictures and carry on about how handsome he looks just as we did for my daughter.  He is happier then a pig in poop!  We all thought it was adorable and didn't think much of it until I got back from my trip and my husband (the wonderful, amazing and loving man that he is) has a shit-fit.

He goes on and on about I'm trying to turn our son gay and that we shouldn't be pressuring him to feel like he has to be feminine and a whole bunch more that sounds typically homophobic and ignorant.  I try to laugh the whole thing off by reminding my husband of our sons age (11 months) and reassure him that he was just trying to emulate his big sister who he wants to be just like.

Flash forward almost 2 years later.

We are back in Disney World at the exact same shop only this time the whole family is there including my hubby and my youngest.  Now, instead of just floor to ceiling princessory it has been complete with a magic mirror that will superimpose a princess dress on any little girl that stands in front of it.  So of course, there's a line.

I pull all my kids into line and as we are watching the little girls ahead of us wave there magic wands my son says really loudly, "I wanna try!!  I wanna try!!"  Interestingly enough, the first comment made was by a boy maybe 5 years of age behind us.  He said really loudly, (because kids say the darnedest things) "Why does he want to wear a dress?  He's a boy and boys don't wear dresses!"

I whip around and state loudly that "It is the 21st century and that my little boy is fabulous enough to wear whatever he wants!"  Thank the Lord the boys mother was super cool and laughed instead of the whole thing turning into a debate on social appropriateness for the sexes.

I do want to mention that I had seen other fathers take their sons hand and determinately pull them into different parts of the store.  Just in case the lure of the sparingly necklaces would be to much for them to bare.  The other mothers and I all laughed at how ridiculous the whole situation was but then I thought of my husband.  How is he going to react when he sees his little boy get up in front of that mirror?  Is he going to be mad?  Is he going to tell him he can't do it?  Is he going to pull him out of the store?  More importantly, is he going to embarrass him?

I was in shock when my oldest had gone through all the princess dresses in front of the mirror and I heard my husband say, "Ok hunny, get out of the way so your brother can have a turn."
And I watched as my husband took pictures of my son waving his hand in front of the mirror so that he too could have disney princess dresses superimposed on his tiny boy body.

Yes, that is my son in a dress.  But the best
part is, thats my husband taking the picture.

I know it seems so silly and insignificant but this was such a huge change in attitude from my husband.  I don't know if it was because he was wrapped up in the "Disney magic", or maybe it's because he knows his son a little better or maybe he finally realized you can't catch it.  But to see my husband supporting and encouraging his kids no matter what their interests might be meant the world to me.

Because, what if?  And not just for my son, but what about for my daughters?  And what if it's not homosexuality, what if its anything that is differs from what we think it should be?  How will we respond?  Will it be with love and understanding or will it be with fear and anger?  I only know of one way were I would be allowed to see my grandchildren.

Although I know that my son wanting to dress up at 2 and a half really isn't going to mean anything in the whole grand scheme of things, I do know that whatever change happened to my husband in that moment made me so proud of him.

Antenella

The Royal Baby

Oh yes and yesser!  I am so jumping on the new royal baby bandwagon!  Maybe it's because my mom watched princess Di come home with William only a few months before she was to bring her first child home, (that would be me) or maybe it's because I watched while holding three of my own children or just maybe its because my children will probably be watching their children bringing home there new babies...

Is anyone else sad that the royals didn't present their
baby in this fashion to the crowd of onlookers?

But more then any of that beautiful "circle of life" nonsense, I think it's mostly because I'm excited for one more women to join the league of mommyhood!

From what I understand, Kate is breaking with tradition... again! and not hiring a nurse.  No, really!  No nurse.  Now, a few people have pointed out that she probably won't give up her make up artist or hair stylist or fashionista.  But as any well trained new mom could contest, none of those people can help you when you've been up for three days in a row with a child that will either not stop crying or is determined to suck the life out of you directly through your nipples.

I can only imagine what kind of stress she and her husband must be under.  The baby isn't even 24 hours old and already there has been criticism about everything from how she looks after having the baby to how they buckled the kid into his carseat.  I would like to take a moment to point out that these people might need our support.  Besides the fact that they are royalty, they are most importantly new first time parents!

Awww, they have no idea...

Complete with hopes and dreams and aspirations for their little bundle of joy that will hopefully one day look just like his mother.  Think, for a moment, about the day you brought your new baby home.  The anxiety, the exhaustion the constant need for approval.  "Am I doing this right?" was the only question you and your spouse asked each other for at least the first three weeks.

Now, imagine if the entire world was watching (not just your mother-in-law) and waiting for you to slip up.  Imagine if every move you made had to be spot on without any crack or blemish.  Imagine if you've been having a night from hell and instead of just having to get up and go to work in the the morning where you might be able to hid in your cubical for a few hours,  you instead, had to sit through 6 interviews and tell 6 different people with a room filled with cameras and lights what an amazing job it is to be a mom,  and how perfect it is and how you never think about just leaving your beautiful bundle of joy at the closest fire station and running off to Vegas like a stalk raving lunatic.

Or maybe that was just me...

Either way, I ask that we be kind.  Yes, Kate is a celebrity.  Yes, she is royalty.  Yes, she will probably have someone waiting on her hand and foot for the rest of her life.  But think, who's going to be there in those long waking hours when she is scared about a cough, or fever or even something as silly as a bad latch?  Who's going to be there when that baby won't poop or poops to much?  Who's going to be there when she wonders if he's getting enough milk or maybe he's allergic to something she ate or maybe she should just throw the in the towel all together and switch to formula.  Who's going to be there when she thinks she a failure because she couldn't handle the crying for more then an hour without breaking into tears herself?

Who's going to be there?

Not her stylist, not the reporters, not even her critics.

If she's lucky, her prince in shining armor will be there.  Just as our princes were there, holding our hands through it all.  Telling us that we were good enough.  That we were perfect mothers and we were beautiful even though we hadn't slept or showered in days.  If she's lucky she'll have him.  And that's all she'll ever need.

Because at the end of it.  She is us.  We get excited to see her come home with a baby not because she's  special and not because she's royalty.  Quite the opposite actually.  We get excited to see her with a baby because we get to welcome the newest member of the secret mommy club complete with cracked nipples and wet kisses. Bringing with her a brand new baby, a new person that didn't exist before this moment, with dreams and hopes and aspirations all their own.  How will this new person change the world, change us?  And not just because he's royalty.

Kate is a mom, she has ushered in new life!

And that should always be cause for celebration.

Antenella

The Joy of Disney World

We just got back from a very impromptu trip to Disney World.  We are so spoiled and lucky that we have annual passes and we get to go when ever we want.  That doesn't mean we actually go when ever we want, because even with the tickets already bought we're still dropping a grand in the parks; but we have the ability if we so choose.

Wanna know why this pic is so Magical?
There's no people in it.

I can hear you now.  "How is she going to possibly be able to complain about Disney World!?!?!?  The most magical of all places!!"  If you are one of these people you probably don't live in Florida to begin with or you have completely blacked out from the last time you were in Disney World and all you can remember is the fairy dust and face-character Aladdin.  Let me assure you... you are not excited to go back.

Don't get me wrong, I love Disney world!  I am a Disney freak.  But sometimes I wonder if Disney World is even for kids!  Honestly, are there ever any happy kids at Disney World?  I'm sure there are moments of happiness.  Maybe even long stretches of euphoria but those moments are constantly being pierced with the sound of shrill cries of unrealistic expectation.

Disney World has all the elements of making your kids day nothing but one long cry-fest after another.  Let me break it down for you...

First off,  your precious baby angel has been so excited with elated rapture of the very idea of going to Disney World for months before you ever go.  You wake up every morning for weeks at a time with a little face pressed against yours asking if today is the day and for every day except one, it is not.  Even if they have never been, they know that the entire place is make on a foundation of vision dreamt by her very own imagination!  So to say there is an expectation is a gross understatment.

Then when the day finally comes and you manage to get to Orlando in one piece you realize there are a million signs with a Disney Character on it.  And I'm just talking about the roads going into orlando!  You still have at least 20 minutes (if you don't get lost ((which you will)) before you even get to your hotel.  And every time your child sees said character, they will instantly be sent into an exultant squeal of "DISNEY WORLD!!!"  Which raises their blood pressure to it's breaking point.

Next you get to your disney magical hotel and all your kids can do is wonder loudly where Mickey Mouse is and why aren't we going to Disney World?!  Once you check into the most glorious room that you have spent their entire collage fund on for the next 5 days your precious baby angel will do nothing but scream and through hysterical fits about the fact that you are not in Disney World!  Forget the fact that you just drove 16 hours or you booked a room where you can feed animals from your balcony or Tinkerbell comes to your window and makes a personal appearance, it doesn't matter!  They will know that they are so close to Disney World that they can taste it but you're a terrible parent that just toys with their emotions!

If you're lucky enough, you will sleep through  the night (brahhhahahahahaah!!!) and wake up bright and early to hit the parks before anyone else decides it's even morning.  Which, of course, everyone does.  So by the time you get to the park entrance everyone is tired, cranky, hungry and amped up on anticipation that everyone is in tears.

Then you enter the Park and it's not thing but magical!  Your kids sees the castle and breaks into tears and spends the next 5 minutes telling you how much they love you and that this is the best day ever and that they will be good for ever and ever!

15 minutes later they will be sobbing for a Mickey eared ice cream and you will give in because you just spent 1500 to get into the park what's another $6 on ice cream?  That horrendous issue of "the nasty attitude" that your kids have will be a non issue because it's Disney World and Disney ice cream won't have that kind of an effect on your kids.  It's magical!

And then it's all basically down hill from there...

Let's face it.  Disney is nothing but sugar, over stimulation, over exhaustion, over excitement, crowds, crying, unbearable heat, and foreigners...  It seriously doesn't get much worse.  Who's idea was it to get your kids ramped up on sugar and then get them to stand in a line for an hour so they can cry until they fall asleep which will inevitably happen just as you are about to get on to the ride, if they didn't pull you out of line to go pee first.

Ahh, yes... Disney world.

It's all so magical...

Antenella